Paul Wells

[quote=marie-helene kutek]Hello, deep breath to have a look at the text below, received from Jane Barlow, US herbalist.
It touched me deeply and thank you all for sharing and the text might speak to some of us
People refer to me as that crazy person and yet they appear to trust me. There you go!
In kinship, with well developed sense of humour, with blessings.
I love dogs and ........... the outside is a trusted companion most of the time.

There is something no one tells you about awakening until you’re already neck-deep in it:

It’s lonely.

Excruciatingly, bewilderingly lonely.

Even when you’re surrounded by people.
Even when you know more than ever.
Even when your heart is opening and your soul is expanding…

There’s a silence that settles.
There’s a distance that grows between who you were and who you’re becoming.
And often, there’s no one around who truly understands what it’s costing you to awaken.

This isn’t because you’re doing it wrong.
This isn’t because you’re broken and sad.
This is because truth isolates before it liberates.

You are shedding skins, roles, illusions, entire versions of yourself, many of which were crafted just to feel safe, loved, accepted. When those begin to fall away, so too does your sense of belonging in the world that reinforced them.

And that loss? It can feel unbearable.

What part of me have I silenced just to belong in a world that never truly saw me?
What would rise if I chose truth over comfort?

These are the questions that echo when you wake up in the night and nothing feels real anymore.

Loneliness in awakening is not a punishment. It’s a passage.

When you start to hear your soul clearly, you may also realize how much of your life was lived out of alignment with it. You may feel misunderstood, disconnected from old passions, intolerant of surface conversations, unsure of where you fit in the world you once called home.

This is the void between worlds.
The space where the old no longer holds you, and the new has not yet landed.

It’s not just hard. It’s sacred.

Am I willing to grieve who I thought I was, to remember who I’ve always been?

That grief is holy. That ache is a doorway.
The loneliness is the soul’s silence before it speaks again, not in words, but in knowing

So, if you’re there now, in the emptiness, the disorientation, the exhaustion that doesn’t lift, please hear me. Truly. Let this reach into the place that still wonders if you’ve taken a wrong turn.

You are not lost.
You are not behind.
You are not being punished for missing something, doing it wrong, or waking up too slowly.
You are being hollowed.
Not out of cruelty, but out of sacred design.
You are being emptied so that something deeper, truer, older than time itself can finally echo inside you again.
What if this loneliness, this aching silence that so often feels like abandonment, is not a sign of failure, but a clearing?
A preparation.
A sacred emptiness being carved so that something vast and holy can finally take root.

Let it be lonely.
Let it be quiet.
Let it be raw.

But don’t let it make you forget who you are.

Because you are not the broken thing crawling toward wholeness.
You are the Divine itself, wrapped in skin and forgetting, remembering through the language of your ache.
And yes, that remembering comes at a cost.
It costs comfort.
It costs certainty.
It costs the kind of companionship that only works when you stay asleep.
But what it gives in return… is everything.
It gives you truth.
It gives you clarity.
It gives you love, the kind that doesn't just soothe, but transfigures.
The kind that doesn’t come from fixing yourself, but from finally seeing that you were never broken to begin with.
You are walking through fire.
And yes, you’re walking it alone.
Because no one else can remember your soul for you.
No one else can walk this passage on your behalf.
But I promise you, you are not alone in your loneliness.
Others are walking too. Quietly. Invisibly. Sacredly.
Just like you.
Their footsteps echo through the same dark woods. And though you may not see them yet, you will.
And when you do, it won’t be in desperation.
It will be in recognition.
So, keep going.
Keep listening.
Keep letting go of who you thought you were.
Because you’re not becoming something new.
You’re remembering what you’ve always been.
And that? That is holy.
That is enough.
That is everything.
[/quote]

Thank you Marie-Helene your description of the process, for me is spot on, I have been on this journey of self discovery for a long time now and like you I believe it is worth the wait.

M Henderson wrote:To be honest, I stopped visiting this site a while ago, but something made me come back and check today. I saw this thread and thought it’s refreshing. Thank you for the Sun choke video, I really want to try growing and eating it sometimes!

Anyways, I’m 52F. I’ve been single for a few years now. I do feel that pursuing relationships doesn’t align with my purpose anymore. Working with nature gives me the sense of comfort and contentment more than anything right now. Not always easy of course, but through all the observations and finding solutions of my own, I found it makes me smarter and stronger both mentally physically. I love it. I appreciate all the living things around me even annoying deers and bugs… I feel alive and not alone at all.

Yes, I also go with my philosophy of being as natural as I can. So sometimes I act harsh or arrogance towards people who put chemicals on their skin. However! I realized this is the part I have to be more mindful and open minded. We are all unique. There is no single another who is identical as my being. Everyone has different story and background. A guy could have bunch of tattoos, but we don’t know his story. Maybe he got those when he was very young and is regretting about it now. A lady with heavy makeup might have a sort of insecure part about her appearance. Their trauma, up bringing, childhood… we don’t know anything. And certainly, we don’t know what stage they are in right now. Maybe they are on the way to realize they’ve been treating their bodies poorly. Maybe they are starting to doubt about this consumerism society. If they are not? Oh well, that’s the way it is. Not my business.

By the way, there are the hair colors made with natural ingredients. Or, the ways to put makeups without chemicals such as using beet powder and such. Self expression has been always a big part of the human thing in the history (using what’s naturally available) so I hope people will go back to the roots.

And finally, I just wanted to say… there is no such thing as failures in relationships to begin with. Hoping for a “successful relationship” is very unnatural to me. That’s just something this society expects us to follow?

Plants grow only in the right condition. We don’t know the result until we try. If it didn’t work, now we know. What do we do about it? Nothing. Just learn the lesson from it and move on! At least we avoid making same mistakes hopefully. Nothing fails in the natural world. Failure doesn’t exist!

Hi M Henderson
Great observations within your thread, there are partial failures in nature, in that things that do not survive, for whatever reason, then go on to feed or support another form of life. I agree with you that ever relationship should teach you things that you do not repeat, but due to societal pressure most aspire to ideas that are not theirs. I am on my own, working in nature, for work and on my smallholding in France, as with all species I do think that a partner adds to the mix, which can only truly work for humans if you build it not expect it to work on its own.
Just my thoughts about your piece, thank you.

paul wheaton wrote:

I just noticed ...   i am, right now, wearing the exact same clothes.  Key brand overalls.  redd-ish tshirt.  Green overshirt.

Hi Paul I feel more or less the same as you, I have been on a personal journey, which seems to have given a way of looking at the world, that most people just do not get, I have leant to except who I am, love my faults as well as wide and various skills, the one thing I have never had an interest in is loads of money and the ego and falseness that goes with it, speak your truth, be honest and respectful with yourself as well as others and of course Mother Nature in all its wonder.

Lorenzo Costa wrote:My must read books are both written by Patrick Whitefield:

Earth care Manual

and

How to read the landscape

they have been incredible for me, the first one is of course for a temperate climate, and the second is based on the british landscape, but the knowledge it shares in understanding the landscape has proven incredible value even for me in Italy

I did my Permaculture coarse with Patrick, he was a great teacher and was my inspiration to move to France and put into the smallholding the things I had learnt from him.

Anne Miller wrote:Welcome to the forum.

Rewild is an interesting subject.  Tell me more about that...

Hi Anne

I have felt for a long time our technology is moving us away from the true human animal, with many of the things we are loosing being needed for our whole selfs wellbeing, we have feelings about things, which deep down we know are valid, but society tells us otherwise, there are many skills also being lost, which have helped us to get to this point, but everything and everybody is now plugged in and connected like a machine, no choose, no free will, no free thinking and no real connection it is to impersonal, that is my thinking, many people cannot cook, prepare food for themselves, this may not seem to matter to many, but I feel this is strongly linked to the decline in the mental and physical health of the population.

I have a small farm in the Mayenne, on which I would like to run coarses to rewild people, anyone interested in the idea please contact me.

Rico Loma wrote:Greetings John and Paulo
I am with y'all,  in equal measure.  I am culpable, too many times to enumerate,  of using materials that were at hand......not because they were perfect for the task.
As time passes, inexorable and steady, I am trying my best to avoid dodgy materials. Attempting to be 'greener'  in all projects.   Part of this is self preservation.  How many cuts and splinters from pressure treated wood while building someone's deck?
How to heal from a jagged piece of OSB that inadvertently cut my eyelid?
As you said John, the cheaper material can cost the builder dearly down the line.  

One more query Paul
Can you please give more detail for your preferred compacting of the bale walls?  If a builder chose to let them settle and stabilize over time, how patient shou.d they be? Your experienced opinion would be he appreciated , thank you.

.                                                            Hi Rico

Time for most people is a thing they often seem to think it is waste if something is not happening, but the bales do settle, even if not very visibly. Four to 6 weeks is ideal, but can be speeded up with rachet straps, if time is short. 2 things that also help this process, is very well compressed bales, so little movement will be possible, and a tile roof can aid this compression due to its weight.The reason for the need for time or assistance is that if the render is applied before the movement is complete it may crack because of movement.

Rico Loma wrote:Yes, I use plywood when required, but OSB is a bit too toxic to work with.  Please correct me if I seem needlessly obstinate,  but I view it as half wood shreds and half unhealthy glue.  Even when painted it falls apart if wet or moistened

I am not certain if this material fits with the earth friendly vibe of straw bale construction. Any others have opinions on this inclusion?

I agree with you, it is possible to get OSB and ply with natural glues in some places, but often much more expensive, if you have timber available as planking use it, I like many have had to go to the dark side now and again when working on projects, life is not always ideal.

John C Daley wrote:Is OSB weatherproof?
Building with Straw Bales
A practical manual for self-builders and architects. Barbara Jones

OSB is generally not waterproof, but the whole structure is built to be breathable, that is why you should never use cement on structures which are designed to breathable, the lime or clay render keeps the water out, this type of building is very badly damaged by water ingress, having good roof overhang like traditional cabins works well on this type of building.

Ned Harr wrote:A couple things I’m curious about just off the top of my head:

1) how do you handle lintels over exterior doorways and windows?

2) how do you do penetrations e.g. for electric, plumbing, etc.?

The doors and windows are installed in boxes constructed in a similar way to the ring beam, using 4”x 2” timber and osb or ply due to the fact the weight is spread for the roof ring beam little weight needs to be supported.

As for services this is why I like to lift the building on 3 high tyre foundations so all service can run under the floor and are accessible, with minimal internal runs.