For me, curiosity informs desire. I find out about something, and when I find it fascinating, I want it, or want to learn more about it.
For me, I need to know. I find issues of reality relegated to blind faith disturbing from an intellectual point of view, as it raises the question, "What if what I believe is blinding me to what exists?" Also, what if the intellect being discarded provides a more complete picture of what is being described?
This, in turn, leads to a need to keep learning, to check what I know by experiment or referral to the
experience of others.
Integrity is a big factor. If I think it's unfair to use a right-hand lane that's ending to scoot ahead of a line of cars that's in my way, I won't let myself do that thing just because it's convenient. Consequently, if merging lanes are set up such that the only fair way to proceed is to "zipper merge," or "one-and-done," as it's also known (and by the way, it has been statistically proven that the zipper merge technique moves cars the fastest over any other method of merging traffic, regardless how it might feel to those near the head of the line that "got there first," like we're overgrown toddlers in some obscene race), I get truly pissed off when such a system is being abused.
I like to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them, at which point I start writing them off. Anyone can better themselves in my view, but they have to earn it after that initial breach of trust.
If I am having a conversation with someone, and while I am listening to points and responding to them or answering questions posed, the other party isn't listening to my answers and responding to them, but rather trotting out stale talking points, it becomes obvious to me that they care more about their opinions than discourse. This is another case where I will dismiss the person and their views entirely. It saves time. Why would I waste effort screaming at a wall?
One area where others have an issue is that, because I put a lot of time and effort into researching what I find interesting, and because I am thorough and persistent, I tend to put great stock in my own opinion over that of others, to the point that if someone wants to convince me of something about which I had previously already formed an informed opinion, it's a real slog unless there's new information about which I had no inkling.
Also, I have a hard time with people who "know-what-they-know, Goddammit!" This is especially true when their "truths" are rooted not in science or methodical deliberation, but in faith, religion, superstition, or fondly-held tradition. Don't get me wrong; I definitely have room in my worldview for nonsense and imaginings. I simply save them for dreams of the future, of how we could take what we know of
permaculture and other things and integrate them to make the future bright, rich, and interesting.
Which is not to say that spirituality and religion are nonsense and imaginings; I think that humanity has lived with these concepts for so long that something needs to occupy that mental space, if only to bridge the gap left by its absence. I just think that reason and materialism need to be acknowledged and applied, going forward, to appeal to new applicants.
I think perhaps that institutionalised mysticism has lost a lot of its appeal since it became increasingly possible to derive answers to the questions raised by life from rational sources. We have a fairly large amount of knowledge concerning how stars and planets are formed, and how life evolves, if not exactly if or how life arose from inert chemical compounds. We therefore don't need to rely on anyone's creation myths for anything other than morality tales or bedtime stories.
I have no problem with private mysticism; I find myself indulging any time I am immersed in my garden or in the wild. But it loses sincerity for me if I try to contain it with reason, words, and thought constructs. It may just be a mental reaction to immersion in a natural setting, and a switch from oversaturation of the senses to a seeming lack of input that can feel deafening, until you start registering how loud a natural setting can be, but that gives me a sincere-feeling version of what a Catholic cathedral mass, with the processions, choir (of which I was a part for years), traditions, smells-and-bells, all of it, were supposed to evoke.
I have little patience for superstition and conspiracy theories. I firmly believe that while people need to cultivate a deep respect, a fervour and reverence, for the processes of nature that have
led to the growth of the world we know, I reject the notion, at least for myself, that there need be anything supernatural and unseen motivating or controlling it all.
The idea of the planet as Earth-Mother is one possible exception to this, but for me, it's at least as fitting as the Spaceship Earth talking points, and maybe a little weaker. Any mother that teaches her children as the Earth does would have them taken away by Child Services. Our Earth Mother is harsh in her demands and punishments; large-scale failures are often rewarded with extinction, as an example. This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with the Earth-Mother explanation, only that she's harsh and unyielding at times. I think that the idea is useful for looking at the Earth system as a living organism, which in turn is a good way to deal with its complexities. We aren't on a static ball (or disc, or turtle's back), but on the surface of a dynamic system that incorporates life into itself.
Ultimately, I like to go back to some of the best wisdom to ever come out of a religious worldview, for my money. It's the last two lines of the Wiccan Rede, something of a codification of belief analogous to the Catholic Nicene or Apostles' Creeds, but for Wiccans. It reads as follows:
Eight Words the Wiccan Rede fulfill:
'An It Harm None, Do What Ye Will
Do I live perfectly by these words? Can anyone? I don't think that it's possible to do so perfectly, but as an aspiration, I think it leaves many codified beliefs in the dust in terms of adapting to a changing world.
So basically, I try to trust until that trust is proved unwarranted. I am a curious person, and I think that to dismiss curiousity with mysticism is boring at least, and intellectually lazy in the worst terms possible, at most. I try to do more than I say, but as you all know, that's a tall order. I try to maintain integrity, doing what I say I will do, keeping to promises, trying to do well by the people around me, and trying to minimise any negative impacts of my actions. When I do wrong, I try to make it right however possible.
How do I function? Carefully, with lots of caffeine and herbal fixes for my anxiety. Deliberately, one foot at a time. And wholeheartedly. Don't half-ass life.
-CK
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