Weird Request: A houseplant that can survive anything.

I've been searching, but have been unable to find a plant to fit the list of requirements I need to fill.

I have a small, bowl-sized steel container, no drainage, high salinity, ash, and rubble at the bottom of the container, often gets to low temps, but not freezing (I would guess 40s-0s F), and will have pine needles as soil, but can add additional materials if needed.

Can be dry, or wet, but part of plant will need to be above water if soaked. I can wait and only water slightly, spray water, keep water moist, or flood the container with no issues. I don't have a way to give it direct sunlight, and it will be behind a wall next to the southern window. Needs to be something that grows in the soil, not hovering above it. I can also add sulfur or gypsum into the soil (I know gypsum won't work because it needs drainage), but need to understand the process more.

Plants I have been looking at:
Red Mangrove: Issue is temperature. Would be growing this like a bonsai.
Creeping Jenny or 'Little Joe' Pye Weed: Biggest issue is salinity, as they can't handle the pH, which most plants can't.
Hardy Hibiscus/Swamp Hibiscus: Mostly daydreaming honestly, the salinity is too high.
Pothos Plant: Doesn't do well without sunlight, and may not handle the salinity.
Succulents and Cacti: Need far more light than I can provide.
Pineapple: Needs drainage, sunlight, and room.
Viola Odorata/Sweet Violet: Plan would be to keep it shallow at the top, but I'm not sure if this would work.
Hairy Woodsorrel/Bermuda Buttercup: Drainage and sunlight, and possibly salinity issues.

All suggestions are welcome. Currently, I'm leaning towards Red Mangrove if I can heat the container, or Sweet Violet if I can keep it at the top. Let me know if there's any information I'm missing, or should include about the growing conditions, let me know. I cannot disclose the reason for these circumstances, just what they are.

Maybe you've already thought of this and ruled this out, but here's what I might do in that situation: take acorns/fruit pits/various other perennial seeds from the area, and plant a whole bunch of different seeds/pits there to see what does well naturally with the light (or lack thereof) and water you give it. I always love the opportunism of planting a variety and seeing what manages to survive, and certain light requirements can be bypassed to a degree based on the genetics of what starts on its own. If the plants would be too tall ordinarily, bonsai can potentially be an option.
Just my two cents and I'm sure whatever you decide to plant will be an enlightening process!

Jonah Bassman wrote:Maybe you've already thought of this and ruled this out, but here's what I might do in that situation: take acorns/fruit pits/various other perennial seeds from the area, and plant a whole bunch of different seeds/pits there to see what does well naturally with the light (or lack thereof) and water you give it. I always love the opportunism of planting a variety and seeing what manages to survive, and certain light requirements can be bypassed to a degree based on the genetics of what starts on its own. If the plants would be too tall ordinarily, bonsai can potentially be an option.
Just my two cents and I'm sure whatever you decide to plant will be an enlightening process!

I actually haven't thought about that. This is my new plan unless I get a better one.

You mention salinity and high pH at the same time. Are you saying the soil is both salty and alkaline?  The salinity part makes me think of the plants that grow on the sides of the highways, since the highways guys here use lots of salt in the winter. We have wild and domesticated lupins, wild chicory and salsify, toad flax, scotch broom, and, of course, knapweed.

Scotch broom is invasive here and people freak out when they see it. I had a very nice bush in my yard for a while, though. The flowers were an unusual colour, so I liked it. I just trimmed it back every year after the flowers were done and before the seeds developed to prevent it spreading.

There's no way you can exchange the soil in the bowl for something else? You say you can add material. Maybe you can dig a bit out and add a bit at the same time? And do that many times until the soil is all something more amenable.