A New Adventure

Ohhh, where do I start? Well. I have always wanted something I thought I couldn't have. But as it turns out I can have it. So I'm going for it. Ever since I was 5, I knew I wanted to be female. It defies reason. I found out there were others like me in 2010-ish, and came out the first time in 2011. I was 22. I had one supportive person in my life, and ended up having to change my phone number and move to a different town after my parents outed me to their church who then all called me with hate-filled messages. I went back in the closet to rebuild my life. In the last 10 years I attempted suicide 10 times and was hospitalized 16 times for suicidal thoughts. But I couldn't tell people why I was depressed for fear of their reactions. So I got all kinds of random diagnoses. I was re-assessed this year and only have Autism, Complex PTSD, and Gender Dysphoria. I was also adopted this year and have a new mother. Of my old family, 2 people accept me and 1 tolerates me. So I needed to replace the people I'd lost. I have a new parent and new siblings. They're not related by blood but they love me for me, and accept me even though I'm weird.

I've had gender dysphoria since I was born probably and known about it since I was 5. So I'm not part of the fad. But the fad made it acceptable so I could come out again. So I'm grateful for it. The fad is not just poseurs though. A lot of people found themselves during the lockdowns. That's probably most of the glut. And the people doing it for the fad aspect are going to have a rude awakening when they find out the therapy is irreversible and makes it so you can't have kids. I plan to marry an understanding person and adopt. Because I wanna be a mom.

In preparation, I grew out my hair, am losing a lot of weight, and am taking voice lessons. I also cleared my wardrobe of masculine clothing which I donated to the homeless shelter. I'm also building my transition wardrobe. It's androgynous clothes that go with my ambiguous appearance. This is on the advice of my therapist. Kilts to get me used to skirts, lots of hoodies, t-shirts, and ambiguous pants. My shoes are doc martins. As I transition, my wardrobe will gradually shift feminine. Speaking of that, I've been referred to a clinic, arguably the best in the state. And my insurance covers most of the medical side of things. It covers the hormones and surgery. But not the lazering off of my beard. So I'm selling Blacksmithing and woodworking tools to pay for my beard to get lazered off. Message me if interested. It's gonna be 6 months before I can start on hormones and 18 before I can get surgery.

I'm sure someone will tell me not to rush, but I'm not. I've literally been wanting this since I was 5. The feeling never goes away. I've contemplated the therapy for a decade already. I'm good. It's about time I lived in a way that made me happy. Please call me Ruth. I already put in for a name change on here.

Ruth, Good luck with your new identity, I hope it all works out well for you.
I'm sorry you had such bad experiences being true to yourself in the past. It sound like you have a good plan going forwards now, it will give your new friends and acquaintances time to adjust to the new you.
I have a friend  who likes her utility kilts, so you could check those out as useful garments if you start missing having good pockets.

Nancy Reading wrote:Ruth, Good luck with your new identity, I hope it all works out well for you.
I'm sorry you had such bad experiences being true to yourself in the past. It sound like you have a good plan going forwards now, it will give your new friends and acquaintances time to adjust to the new you.
I have a friend  who likes her utility kilts, so you could check those out as useful garments if you start missing having good pockets.

Thank you! <3
I have a utility kilt and a regular kilt. I have a cloth purse for the time being but I found a good one with multiple pockets in my favorite color that is leather for $30, so I'm getting that next month. It's kind of like a small messenger bag, so nobody should question it too much. I sew, so if I buy a skirt or make one, I can put pockets in them. I found a delightful fabric to make a skirt out of, it's a purple and blue batik. I'm thinking of buying the fabric now and waiting until my body shape changes to make it since my waist and hips will trade sizes (my fat will migrate because of the estrogen).

I am going to jump in with a piece of asked for advice that I swear makes like easier for women.   If you take the time to do some small touch above basic cleanliness with your grooming people tend to treat you better.  It can be as simple as a plain Bobby pin or clip pulling your hair out of your eyes, but I swear it smooths over a lot of problems before they start. I think subconsciously people treat you like you're worth more effort because you are showing them you expect more than the minimum.  If people are going to judge you by your appearance, I feel like it's only fair you manipulate that tendency to your own benefit.

Casie Becker wrote:I am going to jump in with a piece of asked for advice that I swear makes like easier for women.   If you take the time to do some small touch above basic cleanliness with your grooming people tend to treat you better.  It can be as simple as a plain Bobby pin or clip pulling your hair out of your eyes, but I swear it smooths over a lot of problems before they start. I think subconsciously people treat you like you're worth more effort because you are showing them you expect more than the minimum.  If people are going to judge you by your appearance, I feel like it's only fair you manipulate that tendency to your own benefit.

Thank you very much. I'm semi-obsessed with my appearance so this shouldn't be too hard to do. I often pick flowers from my farm to pin into my hair. Do you think that adds a nice touch or is it too much?

Progress... Well, I've been wearing a kilt when I go out to get used to skirt breeze. I wear a skirt at home. I don't want to get beat up though. I shave my limbs regularly, keep my face cleanly shaved, do my nails regularly, and wear perfume. I'm easing into things gradually. I have my first appt at the gender clinic next month. I'm hoping for a good start to the prerequisite therapy before I can get hormones. Looking forward to my second puberty.