Yeah Kathy, male versions of our selves definitely do not exist! I think a lot of the problem for me is the huge gap between who I am and who I think I would have to be, for a man to want me. I actually really really like myself, but I end up feeling like I have to amputate parts of myself and invent others in order to make/keep a male interested? I think it's mostly caused by growing up in an abusive family, and only ever having dated abusive people. I have a deep sense of dread and rejection going into any relationship at all because that's what I experienced in my family; I tried to compensate by people-pleasing, and would lose myself entirely in relationships, being swallowed up by the other person's prerogatives and force of will. I wanted to make things work at any cost... and that cost was my self. But I felt extremely resentful at the same time, because people were taking so much of me, loving so little of me, and giving nothing back... So I have to fix my relationship with myself, to learn to treat my self as an end and not a means, to step into all of the awesome things about me without worrying about whether or not I can get my ovum fertilized before I reach menopause.
It seems that at least among women, there are a fair number with the redneck/hippie combo? But because of tolerance issues need to hide one or the other depending on which group of people we're around. My mom's family has some self-hating Appalachian roots, but my dad's family is mixed race which was never actually discussed as part of the reason for our general cognitive dissonance. I feel like a walking contradiction sometimes. My dad has old-world values and book smarts and my mom's family doesn't seem to have any values whatsoever, other than trying to look good, which I don't, and I don't see the point of. They were always embarrassed or ashamed and it was really easy for them to point the finger at me. I couldn't conform and couldn't even want to.
Anyway if I do ever find a partner it probably won't be state side? Just yesterday I answered the door and the guy asks if my parents are home. 36 and still get mistaken for a child here.... need to go somewhere where most peoples' secondary sexual characteristics are less pronounced so people will recognize me as an adult.
Anyway yeah I think the inverse clone of myself model of ideal partner is not going to work, ever. It could be possible to find someone who I like, who also likes me, who wants to live in a way that's compatible with the way I want to live. Asking for more than that at this point seems a little ridiculous, or like setting myself up to get hoodwinked or else find fault with a potential partner based on my inability to accept our differences/their imperfections. If I'm doing a good job of affirming and expanding on what I like about my own self, if I manage to earn my own trust, I won't need to get perfect acceptance from a partner in order to be happy with that relationship. I can't expect a romantic partner to fulfill my primordial child need for love and acceptance, and if they promise to be able to do that, they're probably just baiting me or delusional about their own healing powers anyway. Breaking from a lifetime of practicing self-defensiveness while constantly tearing myself down (the perfect defense combo against my narcissistic family members!!111 You can't insult me because I already depict myself as a worm!) takes a LOT of work, and distancing myself from certain people and situations. But I'm starting to feel like I can be okay for, idunno, the first time ever.
SO now I'm feeling like, these kinds of catch phrases like "like minded" are alienating to me for a reason, it's a red flag that the person is thinking about relationship in a way that's transactional, they have things they want to get, here is the list of what they have to offer, and I know I don't want none of that so it immediately shuts me out and shuts me down.