Sarah Koster

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since Jun 03, 2018
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duck forest garden fish fungi trees tiny house chicken cooking
Semi-feral pseudo adult human. Intends to establish food forests and incorporate permaculture principles into lifestyle to facilitate non conscience-mangling existence.
Quail hatcher, chicken herder, garbage re-purposer.
SW Ohio
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Recent posts by Sarah Koster

Hah, love the secondhand boots idea. I actually want to live off grid on my own, but don't have the resources or motivation necessary to pull it off at the moment. One of the biggest reasons I fantasize about becoming a hermit is because of being a victim of gender based violence.... so of course I would not want to advertise the fact that I'm female and all by my lonesome without a way to call the cops and have them arrive in a timely manner. I think most women who aren't autistic or traumatized enjoy the company of other humans.(EDIT: I also know that many women who are in fact traumatized or do have autism also enjoy living with fellow humans.) I also believe many women prefer watching a man split wood to splitting wood themselves. Not because it's hard work, but because it's just fun to watch. I got a chance to spend a couple days alone this weekend.... it really helped me realize how stressful it is for me to constantly hear other peoples' noises, and to have to focus my attention on them whenever they talk to me.
1 month ago
So I'm going to be moving to a place with (kind of) a lot of space so.... I was thinking I'd maybe like to have chickens again, except tiny chickens instead of big chickens. I have some questions that people with experience with bantams would probably have answers to. My questions are....
If I have bantams, will they fly over the fence and unleash a wave of vegetable garden destruction and poop across the land? Will they escape under any unguarded gap in a fence?
Are bantams as loud as big chickens?
Do they have any special bantam needs?
Thanks... anyone who can teach me the bantam ways
1 month ago
Very relaxing video about historical plant dyes, just wanted to share.
1 month ago
Neat video about Aldo Leopold and family restoring dustbowl wasteland by planting trees. Not sure which forum is most appropriate for this. It also talks about Aldo's philosophy a bit, which I found compelling. I like the writing your signature with an axe bit.
3 months ago
Okay! I got a little emotional and ran away from the thread right after starting it. Sorry. It's hard for me because dating sites and apparently discussing them makes me feel so dejected and anxious that I can't really deal. It has taken me this long to come back and read, which wasn't my intention.

I think a lot of it does boil down to oversimplification vs too much information to assess at a glance. I'm assuming most people using dating sites don't want to spend 20 minutes reading a profile before they decide to "swipe" or whatever. But I also assume that anyone who's "swiping" based on an image and little or nothing more, is not looking for someone they can form a serious relationship with.

Anyway everybody... I think the problem for me is when they say "like minded" with no context I just automatically feel rejected because there isn't a group of people I identify as being of "like mind" with myself. I'm complicated and contradictory at times. My mind changes, sometimes daily, even though my values stay the same. Basically every time I receive new information, I adjust to try and find the best possible solution. For example I used to love certain wildlife organizations until I found out they were forcing aboriginal tribes from the rainforest to try and "protect" the rainforest, ignoring these peoples' place as a vital component of the forest ecology and extant protectors of the forest, LET ALONE their human rights. So my "mind" towards them changed. It updated to reflect the new information. Blah.

Yes, it is frustrating being a lone weirdo in an apparent sea of automotons. I sometimes feel as if the only way to ever get a boyfriend is to pretend to love Nascar and football, jump into the closest bandwagon and try my best to grin and bear it. And to dress like a clown and change my name to Stacy. The mental acrobatics I've done in the past to facilitate such "relationships" has damaged my emotional wellbeing extensively.
The upside is that on the healing journey after, I've found that I actually love my weird self. Many people have tried to change those things about me that make me who I am. The things I love the most about myself. It's a really horrible kind of rejection when someone won't let you go physically, but loathes you emotionally. So if doing things your way has protected you from this kind of emotional violence, I think it's a good strategy, even if it means you didn't end up dating anyone.
Usually when I see "like-minded" used in profiles, it's without any information that would indicate what that person's values or lifestyle are. That's why I get frustrated with it. Just a picture of a random guy making a creepy facial expression with the words "seeking like minded" and little to nothing else. I don't know who he votes for, what he likes to eat, if he believes in a god or anything like that, but I'm supposed to know from this little phrase whether to be interested or not. But the thing is, when I see that, I DO form an image of what his lifestyle and views are; I see him sitting on a couch in his underwear drinking bud lite and watching Nascar, yelling at his girlfriend to bring him cigarettes or something. This is a problem of my own prejudice filling in, not the blanks, but the entire blank canvas. So when I read "like minded" I feel "we have absolutely nothing in common." I automatically feel rejected. Then I feel defensive. Then I swipe left.

That is a very good phrase indeed, "Someone whose eccentricities are compatible with my own." I have similar difficulties to what you describe. I too have some indicators that I'm probably "on the spectrum" and haven't found a mate because... well... basically most people act like science and christianity are contradictory/mutually exclusive. Not to mention mystical things like elves and loving nature. A few hundred years ago we'd probably both have been mistaken for witches and burned or whatever. I'm always the dangerous, subversive progressive person at church, and the backwards religious idiot in science circles. I'm always the outsider.
I think the problem with the personality tests etc, is that they just don't work. Our understanding of psychology is really in its infancy, and the personality tests can't assess what a person really is like, let alone predict what kind of person they'll "click" with. It's similar to horoscopes IMO, using vague concepts and repeating back what information you've given to make it seem meaningful. To make matters worse, my "personality type" is associated with an elevated risk of becoming an abuse victim, since abusers seek people who will work hard to care for them. I've removed both my "personality type" and my diagnoses from my profile to make it more difficult for jerks to identify me as a potential resource.
Sometimes I do still hear the voices of people scolding me, trying to change me. Trying to make me normal. I don't think those people loved me very much in the first place. But now I don't scold myself anymore. If I want to sit on the floor, I sit on the floor. If I want my legs to be hairy, I let them be. I don't have to wear makeup. I don't have to give priority to males. I don't have to "humor people" at the cost of my own sanity. Sometimes I take myself on dates. These have been the best dates ever, because I got to do what I wanted and eat what I wanted and wear what I wanted without being coerced or ridiculed or made to endure some unpleasant condition or watch a movie I had no interest in. I didn't have to be manipulated to get my hopes up, only to be disappointed deliberately. I didn't have to lie and tell anyone how much fun I was having when I was in pain. I guess I'm just so weird that I have to be my own best friend for now, at least until I'm healthy and skilled enough to form and maintain healthy relationships. It's so much harder because I can't "read" people's body language to magically infer what they really mean, and they don't always tell the truth and I can't always tell that they're not telling the truth. I can't infer the important things they're not telling me.
But yeah I think that compatibility probably has more to do with lifestlye than with ideology... I've given up on finding the male version of myself. I'd probably be happy with someone who just didn't turn on the light or the TV at 4am and wasn't hostile towards vegetables, assuming they actually liked me and had some kind of morals. Maybe nobody likes me XD but I like myself so it's okay...
4 months ago
I second the Linux suggestion. I'd go ahead and copy all of my important files onto an external hard drive, and replace windows altogether with whatever manifestation of Linux is trendy and user-friendly these days. I used Debian in 2014 to resurrect an ancient laptop, and while I couldn't use certain proprietary software, I was able to use a word processor and browse the interwebs just fine.
4 months ago
Yeah! I definitely take "open minded" to mean "married person looking to fool around" or "I'm into something borderline criminal for kicks."
I take "drama-free" as "don't whine to me about your problems, I don't want to be bothered" or "every relationship I'm in is dramatic, but it's the other person's fault."
I like the idea of laziness being the source of vague statements, rather than a deliberate attempt to hide pertinent information, although I'm sure there are some people who do the latter. Really trying to restore some degree of faith in humanity.
I get that not everyone is able to communicate openly via text, but it just doesn't seem very safe to make contact with a stranger who might be doing it deliberately because they're trying to manipulate someone into dating them and they'd rather make it up as they go along to try to seem more appealing to their date.

ExMPLE fake conversation
Dater A "So what do you like to do for fun?"
Dater B "Oh you know, go to restaurants and listen to music. And you?"
Dater A "I love drinking tea and spending time in my garden."
Dater B "Oh yeah? Me too I do that all the time."

As you can see Dater B is a sack of lies, and Dater A is a person.

The other problem I have, is that even people who have a *lot* in common are going to disagree on some things. Big things. Things that matter. Maybe I want to live a more sustainable life, but some things I need to be happy (for example, making art using materials that are harmful to the environment) are not sustainable. People might agree on the main idea, but never meet in the middle on how to apply it practically. I might like someone who sleeps with the TV on, but be unable to sleep with the TV on myself. I might be very concerned about racial equality, but be unsympathetic about LGBTQ issues. People are really complicated. And then people on dating sites want to tell you absolutely nothing of meaning about themselves and expect you to festoon them with adorations. I really don't get it.

In the case of REALLY dangerous people, the more you do tell about yourself upfront, the better able they are to craft a false persona that will entice you. The only reason I say this is because, well. It's happened to me more than once. So I'm trying to work out a way to be open about who I am, without making a backdoor for psychopaths. It would help if I had any social intuition whatsoever, but I'm not so gifted.
4 months ago
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned steam. If you have access to a steamer, it's pretty easy to use and just use distilled water and the steam (not vapor) will kill the mold, but not sure how deep it can work into walls or whatever. Of course since it's water it's going to leave the surface damp, which is not ideal, but there are definitely instances where steam is sufficient to eradicate mold, and it's hot enough that most of the water will evaporate quickly. Then bite the bullet and install that new sump pump or whatever you gotta do.
4 months ago
I know we're all looking for people who are "like-minded," but whenever I read this phrase I'm left wondering what it means. Not because the vocabulary is challenging, but because I have no idea what "kind of mind" that person has. Being a very introspective person, I spent a lot of time thinking about thought, and a lot of the time, have minds on my mind.
Nevertheless (or perhaps because of this) I'm left drawing a blank when I read the phrase "like minded people." I wish people would explain exactly what attitudes, beliefs, activities or behaviors they're referring to, rather than just hoping someone will magically "vibe with them" after reading this key phrase.
What do people mean by this phrase, and why do they use it? Is its vagueness deliberate, calculated, incidental? How do I know if someone's mind is "like" mine, and does that mean we'll be friends? I'm curious what other people think about this.

As a group the regulars of this forum are all attempting to live more sustainably, learn and develop better ways of living. But having just that in common obviously isn't enough to make a couple. I tend to try to find a carbon copy of myself (which is utterly impossible) but observe that most of the healthier couples I know feature two individuals who are actually quite different from one another. What actually matters when it comes to getting along with another person, or liking them? In what ways do we need (or not) to be "like minded"?

To be fair, I'm angsting over my seeming inability to find anyone who is even remotely "like" me in the mind category, so I wonder if I misunderstand what is meant by this omnipresent dating-profile tagline.
4 months ago
It would definitely be an awesome service. I don't know how many times I cried in dressing rooms as a teen and young adult before I finally started to understand that a LOT of people have trouble finding clothes that fit, and that there was nothing wrong with my body. That my proportions are correct as they are, and that the clothes are not. Fit issues with mass produced clothing have serious consequences for mental health, self esteem, body image and feelings of alienation for like... most people. I don't want to feel like Cinderella's crappy stepsister trying to shove my foot into a shoe (or dress, or jeans, or blouse) that wasn't made with me in mind.
Also, most seasons the choice of garments available is about 95% total crap. Bad fabric, ugly colors, unattractive designs that are pushed just because "it's trendy!!!" I want clothes that won't make me look/feel like an idiot if I wear them 5 years from now. I can't really find any blouses off the rack that don't look either redlight worthy or retirement home chic. Why womens' clothes in particular look so ridiculous and unprofessional, I will never know. As a consequence I mostly just wear t-shirts, and it's part of what steers me away from a lot of more lucrative jobs. Feeling like I'd have to dress like a ridiculous peacock and stuff a bra so the front of my blouse wouldn't collapse.
Having a set of custom patterns would make it really simple to alter thriftstore finds, too. A lot of things I find are just a size or two off, or just not cut right for my shape. ANY pants that fit my hips have extra inches up at the waist, petite pants drag on the floor until I cut the bottoms off, "maxi" skirts are so long I'd have to wear them as dresses to keep them from dragging on the floor and I can't fit my ribcage into any dresses that fit my hips (although there is a huge a void where there would normally be bosom.) I haven't tried a dress on in... oh.... 12 years because it just makes me feel like hideous prepubescent troll.
Anyway. Yes. We need custom patterns designed and/or altered to our needs, by people who know how to design and construct garments that don't suck.
8 months ago