I tried to explain to Rosa about how we all have parts of ourselves that we have chosen to forget. Little things that we do that people seem to disapprove of. Things that we are embarrassed about, that someone might have told us were undesirable, or bad, or that we got told off for when we were very young because someone didn't understand what we really trying to do, or that whoever was trying to teach us something didn't understand so we learned to keep quiet about them, or just not the sort of thing that we would like to admit in public. And those parts of us are what Negredo is made of.
But Negredo heard us talking about him and hopped onto the bed to come and see what we were doing.
He noticed the little crochet rose that Rosa had made and peered at it for a minute as though trying to decide what to do next.
And then he picked it up in his beak, flipped it deftly into the air and caught it on his head, looking very smug and pleased with himself.
I seriously have no idea what he was trying to do and he looked ridiculous.
"Negredo - it's not a hat!" I told him.
His eyes glinted mischievously at me.
But Rosa, who seems to understand him better than I do, gently removed the rose from his head and looked very thoughtful.
"Mum, can we learn a new song on the recorder?"
It sounded suspiciously like she was trying to change the subject, so I grabbed the recorder bag, pulled up the next lesson and attempted to learn to play
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
I didn't get very far though because Negredo seemed to want to talk to me, even though he gets terribly tongue tied and ends up not being able to speak even when he has something important to tell me. I guess it's because he represents all the aspects of myself that I've repressed so he's learned that I tend to shut him down. I really must work on letting him speak, or finding ways to understand what he's trying to tell me even when he can't use his words. But anyway, whatever he was trying to say I couldn't see the notes for Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star on the laptop screen because he kept sticking his great black head right in front of them and totally blocking the light.
Gwen had heard the music playing though and had slithered out of the laundry basket. She started chatting with Rosa about the tune and when Rosa realised it was about stars she got very excited and remembered all about the
Natural Philosophy of Dragons thread. The two of them went off to look at some of the treasures on my bookcase and talk about their adventures in space visiting Draco and the Bears. I really should go back and work on that thread as there is a whole lot more I should share with you all...
After they'd had a good chat and Gwen had shared all the memories that seemed appropriate to be sharing with a young dragon, Gwen slithered back into her basket. Rosa followed, closed the lid and very thoughtfully placed the little rose on top.
And that's when I understood - I shouldn't be talking to Rosa about Negredo, I should be talking to him directly. Because he represents all my hidden and repressed aspects that haven't come to light yet, even though they probably should. But they are for me, not for everyone. And certainly not for youngsters who could be traumatised by them. Until I have shed light on them, worked with them for a while, brought out anything of value from them and disposed of anything that it's time to let go of, they should stay very much out of the public domain.
Sub Rosa, as it were...
Rosa had understood what Negredo was trying to say, even if it took me a while to.
She is a very perceptive young dragon...
I settled down to attempt to communicate with Negredo. He shuffled awkwardly and pecked at some of the keys on my laptop in an apparent attempt to dispel some of the awkwardness.
"You could choose a video to watch if you like Negredo, maybe that would help." I suggested, and so he started to browse youtube, his great black head still blocking the screen so I couldn't what he was choosing.
At that moment Austin burst into the room.
"Did you know there's going to be a total eclipse, just before your birthday? I think we should go and watch it, we might not get another chance."
"I think that would be an awesome thing to do!" I agreed. And then, remembering that great black shadowy head blocking out Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, I wondered if Negredo had known too, so I added
"Can Negredo come with us? He likes shadows..."
Austin went off to make some plans and I turned back to see how Negredo was getting on.
He'd chosen several videos he thought might help and over the next few days we spent a lot of time together watching them one by one and seeing where they led and what they could teach us about communicating with each other. We still have a very long way to go but he is gradually learning to trust me a bit more, and I'm gradually learning to understand him a bit more.
We may be some time...
Here's the list of videos he came up with and would like me to share with you, just in case any of you might find them useful in talking with any parts of yourselves that have been hidden away for too long and might benefit from having a bit light shone on them.
The Solar Eclipse Within - meeting your shadow
The Childhood Traumas That Are Controlling Your Life
Understanding Your Father
Jung on Generational Trauma Cycles
Why Success Scares You More Than Failure
Why Healing Can Make You Less Tolerant
Embracing Your Shadow