I have trid beign very good and trying to keep the house clean and cook and i was not ahppty though i was absorbed by the effort to manage boredom . now i write and i love it and i am not living as i see right which is to know real people and maybe to find out how to manage monotonouse jobs as so many others do..
Are we meant to be happy or live as we deem it right? I deem it wrong, to sit on my own writing, it is dangerouse not to know people, i think that you have to arrange life for the person with least resources who has never heard a sensible word in his, her life and that for such a person a lot of interaction might bring them to points of veiw that made jealousty envy lose ect, easier to manage and i don't mean if they knew religiouse people who are not particularly swensible just a big variety of people with different answers . you woman was probably a jealouse person, these are only capable of seeing the advantages of others though the others have a hard life, then they can't bare to look at so many advantages . they are really clever at finding advantages . If you complaining about being used you can be accused of getting cross with whoever because you are jealouse or enviouse, this means tha t complainign about being used is dangerouse. If the woman in this book was thinking about the lacks instead of the advantages of those around her she woudl be able to bare their company. It is a question of psychology. As a child i llived with those who always new how to sympathise with each person- It was, she has a lot but she's shy. Shes clever but shes not popular etc., she's rich but her family is horrible, that way you don't eat yourself up about other peoples luck and end up unable to manage it.
It is wrong for me to do something i feel to be foolhardy and that gives a bad example.like writting and not earning money. The reigiouse think that is beautifull, i think women are abused they work for nothing and get trodden on, i think it is wrong for a woman to give up a wage to do things for charity it perpetuates a abusive system. i like some bits of religion and hate others ther is no more self satifidied and bossy lot than religiouse people, and squashing and cruel. WIth an intense spiritual competetiveness that makes them blacken every one. i would rather be with the bankers on wall street. they could not possibly be more competitive and given to knocking others of the road than the religiouse are. The poverty bit as concerns women is definately not one of my beliefs. doing thigns all the time that stop you gettign to know people and earning money ma taking up the time to get to know people or not getting paid when i know that women have to get paid they have ot been paid and that makes them so vuneralbe when i do thing s i am not paid for i am not supporting my own beliefs . ¡it is a bad example to other women this makes me cross. i have two conflicting veioulkls that good farming methods are important and that i should not give a bad example doing things i am not paid fo r apart from my humilliating circumstanes, as i dont live with those who supportme morally. even though i love it. SHould you love it or follow your beliefs.' I am happy writting but lots of people have to work in monotonouse jobs if you find me a activity i enjoy and then say look you can be happy without friends you are creating a false situation, you can't get everyone doing jobs that are satisfying, mentally satisfying. people with a boring job coulfd not be happy as i am without freinds they woudl have an unsatisfactory work life an dhome life . I f i am happy without freinds people may imagine people in any hjob can enjoy themselves though they have an abnormaly curtailed life as women have in this catholic country for so many centuries.
Maybe the woman in th epoor country woman imagined the people in the poor place were happy . Maybe as she was happy there the women of this story thought that the people she was with were happy .Mistook her condition fo rthat of everyone. she thought they were If you are in a foriegn place they pmake you happy you mean money. i was pleased with muself for trying in themes i thought important when i was bored now i am happy but i don't do what i believe in it makes me cross. i believe in the protestants they protested and things slowly got better . i believe in charles dickens and thomas hardy the not so happy poor . i believe in novels they treat all the ins and outs of a subject like this moralists don't- I am a wioman men try to make me happy though they cut me out from participation in the more interestign bit of life the pwoer i have had to influence my childrens destiny has been much lower than i think even reality about lfie demands one oallows i believe in protesting to give futur women more power.
we knew i hippy times hta tin the streets of jamaic a for instance there are is lots of life and in a flat in london or madrid you can get cut off it was a reason fo rthe hppy movement.
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