Never for a moment suggesting that my spouse is less than perfect, I wish sometimes he were as enthusiastic for studying permaculture as I am. Make no mistake, he loves the work, will do anything I ask around here and is enjoying the fruits, veg and lifestyle. He _is_ very busy and I have time and interest to develop massive plans and schemes. Everything gets done. But we aren't yet on the same page.
I should have learned in 20+ years that I'm not going to change him. I don't really want to change him. I guess at the end, I'm glad to have permies.com to carry on the conversations in more depth until we can have them at home.
Any stories of massive permie infection of spouses/partners to share?
Patience is your best friend in this one. It sounds like you are a planner and he is a doer. In time he'll see how your plans and his hard work have combined to make a beautiful landscape TOGETHER. He may not see the details like you do, but he's working with you and that's good.
I was full blown crazy about permaculture from the second I started learning about it around four years ago. My wife has humored me and my schemes for the last few years but slowly she started to see where my efforts have benefited us. She is now as excited to get started with the online PDCGeoff Lawton is doing this spring as I am.
I think Permaculture is like one of those Magic eye posters. Not everyone is going to see the hidden picture right away, and some never will. As long as you can enjoy it and he enjoys helping you AWESOME!
I've heard it said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That may be the way to his mind too. You plan it, he plants it, and you and enjoy eating it together. He'll be hooked in no time.
Or you could just reward him with bacon when he does permie things. Bacon ALWAYS works.
It is tough, my wife loves that I'm really getting after the yard, but she doesn't care for how many mistakes I'm eager to make getting educated. I know what I've done to my place in the last year is a net improvement, but every time there is a setback that holds up progress or doesn't look all that nice for a couple weeks she starts to get cranky.
I'm hoping she'll come around eventually; it would be pretty sweet for us both to take a PDC at the same time, with some property ready to apply it to.
Location: Arkansas Ozarks zone 7 alluvial,black,deep loam/clay with few rocks, wonderful creek bottom!
posted 5 years ago
My advice would be to not get hung up on the word "permaculture". My husband and I have been living along those lines for years and I fairly recently discovered this site and everything PERMACULTURE!!! I bring up things I have learned and we discuss them...I bookmark articles for him...mainly we live day to day like always and try to incorporate the principles without getting hung up on calling it permaculture. I really think you can slowly share a lot relavent ideas with a spouse or other family members without it sounding too intimidating or a total lifestyle flip.
"We're all just walking each other home." -Ram Dass
"Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder."-Rumi
My love owns the land here (with her mamma). She'll never care two figs for permaculture per se, but me planting fruittrees and improving the land is totally welcome. Outside the tradional mown "yard" that the old lady wants left alone, I am free to run as wild as my hand tools allow. As a courtesy I get buy-in before planting or removing major trees, but she's very supportive. Permaculture means nothing to her but "taking care of the land" she is 100% behind.
I figure that if I manage to grow things beyond the range of my garden hose, her interest will grow. But we're both happy with the status quo for now.