Hope for the Lonely

Because I tend to go to the recent topics, and have learned to observe patterns over the years, I noticed an uptick in people posting on the single site. I know statistically that around the holidays that people get lonely and I understand that...all too well. I know most people know that I am married...to my best friend no less, and we have the most interesting farming and religious conversations, but I don't want people to be misled...Katie is my third attempt at lifelong companionship. Yes third!

As a son who had grandparents who were married 60 years on both sides, and my parents who have been married 48 years, my first divorce was difficult. WE DO NOT GET DIVORCED! Yet there I was in court ending a marriage, and while I was faithful, and forgave her many times for her being...social lets say, I know how much it hurts to be rejected. I also know what it is like to remarry quickly, not making great choices from that pain and revisiting divorce court. I am not proud of that at all, yet I share so that others can be encouraged not to give up.

My intent here is not to gloat, not to say well "the third time is the charm". It is not. It happened to work out that way for me, but my heart grieves this time of year for the singles who have a tough time during the holidays. I am truly sincere when I say, "I know what you are going through", and that I am empathetic. But please do not give up hope, and if you need encouragement, write it out here or PM me...I don't have all the answers, but I do care, especially for the ones who are contemplating a permanent solution to a very short term problem. There is help, and I shake my head in wonder if fate had not intervened because now I have a bestie I call my wife, four beautiful daughters, and a growing farm...things I would not have should my plan had come to fruition.

Yet this post is NOT for the singles who are loving life. I often think of the freedom that it would bring, how my service to Moldova would be so much more powerful if I was there full-time and the service to the church we attend. There is not one thing wrong with being single, though this world may tell everyone so. So do not buy into it.

But for the singles who are looking for companionship, I hope you find the person you can call your best friend. Never give up hope, they are out there. I am living proof of that.

Very loving, Travis... thanks for being another example of an 'open door' ;)  

Amen, my brother waited 53 years to find his soul mate and she waited 54 to find him. They are like peas in a pod, awesome, so do not give up!

nancy sutton wrote:Very loving, Travis... thanks for being another example of an 'open door' ;)  

Thank you for those kind words.

I do feel as though I may have come across sharply to those that may have had an affair at some time in their lives, and if that is so, forgive me because that is not the case at all. I am NOT jaded at my ex-wife for being unfaithful at all. Granted it took some time, and a lot of reflection at myself, but her unfaithfulness was not because she wanted extra-marital relations, it was because there was a lacking in our marriage. In other words I was as much to blame for that as she was. I know that now and can only hope she has forgiven herself.

Still I would not recommend that to anyone obviously; it is a huge temptation everyone has faced, and when acted upon people wake up the next morning to the biggest regret of their life Hopefully knowing that will keep people flirting with this temptation, from later being hurt from within.

When I became a foster parent, they taught us that it takes 5 years for a spouse to get over the death of a spouse, 7 years for a child to get over the death of a parent...but a parent never gets over the loss of a child. That is true because I have seen it all in my parents. But as such, divorce is a sort of death...death of a bond, like plywood being ripped apart. The edges are so jagged and twisted that it is not like a boards that can be fitted back together. No, broken plywood is shredded because of the bonded fibers. And so is a marriage.

My wife and I are leaders doing Divorce Care for our church, and our goal is to help others through the most stress anyone will probably face in their life. Our only motivation is to plant hope within those that are hurting. It will end, and there is always hope on the other side.