So I went on a date last night...

With a lovely gal. Shes an artist, very driven, cute as the dickens. We've hung out a few times before, and she seems to have at least a slight interest in me. SO, last night, we go for a lil drinky poo at a dive bar outside of town. She starts talking, and things are going well, until I am confronted with the sneaky suspicion that she and I could never sustain a relationship together. I shake it off; what do I know about what the future holds, eh? What am I, some kinda friggin fortune-teller? I throw a out few anecdotes about prematurely born calves and construction injuries and the decline of modern civilization to test the waters; she nods appreciatively, turns the conversation back towards her comfort zone. Then, she hits me with a bombshell: she's allergic to mushrooms. Like epi pen allergic. Deathly. How in the name of Sweet Jaysus am I supposed to woo her with my superior foraging skills if I CAN'T EVEN FEED HER THE DELICIOUS FUNGI I WANNA GROW AND FIND IN THE WOOOOODS???



At that point, the conversation lost the forward right engine stabilizer, and began to lose altitude. I tried to keep the chin up, but it was no use. She sensed it, too. We wrapped up at the Coyote Roadhouse and she drove us back to her place. There was a light tension in the air, and in my Jameson and bitters haze, I misread it as sexual. I blurted, "Maybe we should just make out for a while," thinking that a little harmless smooching couldn't hurt anyone. She smiled, and shook her head...



I drove home, defeated, reflecting on the night's escapades. In a way, my desire for a physical human connection was so great that I abandoned my desire for mental and metaphysical connection, and ultimately gave myself an emotional bag of worms to sift through before beddy bye. I'm 27. I should have learned my lesson about this by now. Call me batty, but I know that I have failed, uncountable times more than I have succeeded, both in love and in life; I can't even remember a tenth of my failures. My successes, though few and far between, I can remember vividly (this one springs to mind- in the sixth grade, I once chewed/swished baby carrots, strawberry yogurt, and chocolate milk in my mouth for fifteen minutes so I could fake vomit on Mr. Yepsen's penny loafers and get out of trouble for unfinished algebra homework.) Despite this inability to recall the "fail" memories, I know that they're there, because I don't make those mistakes nearly as much as I used to- locking keys in cars, trying to drive with an open mug of hot coffee, paying attention to the signs that she does not want to suck face with you, etc., etc. And I have faith that, sooner or later, those failures will guide me to a girl that prefers arboretums to barrooms, who can appreciate the delectable musk of the chantrelles, and I will purr lovingly into this lasses' ear, "Maybe we should just make out for a while," and we will. And it will be glorious.

The mushroom thing seems pretty minor in the great scheme of things.

I don't drink at all. A huge red flag for me would be overindulgence with alcohol or any other substances, including food.

I wonder if you are unconsciously looking for deal breakers. Something very minor can be blown out of proportion, when you look for faults.

My fiancé was a vegan city girl and I'm a gun nut/hunter from the country, nobody thought it would work but now she's a sharp shooting meat eater and I'm a gun loving hippy. Give it a really good go before you make up your mind

So, thoughts:

I wonder if you are unconsciously looking for deal breakers. Something very minor can be blown out of proportion, when you look for faults.

I wouldn't say I'm subconsciously looking for faults, I would say I'm consciously seeking a woman who has the Right Stuff, a good balance of light, water, minerals, and gaseous exchange. I'm not going to ostracize the lady for being who she is, I just think we'd make better friends than lovers. But I hear what you're eluding to: there's no such thing as a perfect anything, and often times I find faults are just as endearing as strengths. (Wabi Sabi, etc.)

I don't drink at all.

But, dear sweet Dale, how on earth dyou keep yourself hydrated? (Notfunny, I know)

Give it a really good go before you make up your mind

Andy, I've been coming around to the theory that you can't find love if you're actively looking for it. Think I'll just keep on keepin on, and let the chips fall where they're supposed to. The possibilities are infinite.

I appreciate your input, fellas. For reals. It's good to know that dudes from all over the world can share a minute for a poor ol country boy. A thousand blessings to ye.

Ben, an apple for the great photos and plane diving analogies!

Here's to finding that glorious mate! I was married for twenty years, then trying to figure out how to date in my 40's, when I met my awesome guy.  

In an effort to use creativity and humor to lighten anyone's dating doldrums, here is an epic and goofy little tale on speed dating:

Yeah I know the feeling too. I was not married for 20 years like Jocelyn, but for 9 before my wife got rather...social...yes social we will call it. Let's just say I knew she was pretty good in bed because by then everyone was telling me she was!! That is NOT good. But all joking aside, it hurts when you are not wanted, but hey...I can do this right, so I got right back on that horse, met a woman and got married.

THAT did not end good.

So I found myself at 32, divorced twice and feeling like a real loser. But I am not the kind to give up, but then I found Katie to whom I am wed and love, and have for 7 years now. Together this is our 2nd year of teaching DivorceCare so that we can encourage others going through rough times. Anyone who has ever been through a divorce can probably say, it is probably one of the worst times of their life.

Hey, I'm on 35 and counting. I joke about after all this time we're stuck with each other, and I definitely don't want to start over on breaking a new one in.

On the other side... I have a few strange allergies and a couple of medical issues that showed up. We get around all that and I don't end up getting poisoned though... I am celiac and we have gluten in the house. I am not airborne and we keep separate pantries and some cooking utensils and such are separate too. (all gluten things have to have a pre-wash swish before they go in the dishwasher, etc) Mushroom allergies at the Epi-level are not dealbreakers. Just a little care to keep your luscious fungoids separate from every molecule of herself means you could enjoy them (and toothbrush and FLOSS after).

Too bad you can't put that one back on the runway. Dinna worry. I was one of the last of the red-hot-swinging-batchelorettes. Upon meeting him, we were engaged in 5 months and married in 9 from meeting and no I wasn't baking one either.

Sometimes it takes a few twists and turns to get there. And it often strikes out of the blue. Keep up the good fight and just be yourself.

ONe thing you might have the ability to poison a good atmoshpehere. It was your thoughts that turned the whole thing around right? HOw about letting things simply run and then (before getting married or similar) finding out how longer dates like a long walk, repairing something together.. work out. Similar world view I don't know if that is so cruical.

After years of failed relationships built on me idolizing my partners, my marriage came from a one night stand.
I was certain she was "just like rest" ,certain to " betray me".
I pursued her with these xpectations in mind.
She has spectacularly failed  to meet these expectations.
She isnt a dream girl, but rather she is a real woman,which it turns out is much better.

Romantic ideals helped me waste my young adulthood.
Dont let this happen to you😉!