I know I’m a little late to this one, but I have been thinking a lot about this subject, so I thought I’d just add on here.
Disclaimer: I’m not a parent, so take this with a grain of salt.
I was the kid in this situation and my mother was constantly trying to help me learn how to develop the ability to do things that take self discipline, and the learning of that skill itself became overwhelming, not the actual things or length of list I was supposed to do. Having now grown a little older, I still struggle with this feeling every time “I have to do something”. I’ve learned a few tricks that help. Here’s one: I had to make it my own. I had to have my own reasons for doing it. This is tricky, because they can’t always see/understand possible reasons that come from experience. It’s so easy to think that if a child could just understand your reasons she’ll get it. But just because she can appreciate why you do it, even why you think she should do it, until she finds it worth her effort, it’s not yet hers. She needs to find her own reasons. Otherwise she’ll be washing the dishes “because mom said I had to” at 75 years old. Not a good thing to rely on, especially through the teenage years, when that has little weight. This is a long term process, learning why you want to do things. Adults struggle with this all the time. Small things make a big difference. A blanket we enjoy seeing spread nicely on the bed is much incentive to make it than a blanket we don’t really care about. Things like that won’t fix it, but can bridge the gap till she experiences some of the benefits. Which has slightly longer effects (probably 😆). A child won’t usually understand until after they’ve enjoyed some of the success of playing the piano, why they should practice. (Again exhibit A here) I find piano enormously satisfying… now, but it grated against my soul growing up. So, here’s an important piece of this. Being that sturdy place that can see a few miles ahead than your child can, makes the child secure. But while you are being that rock that they can bump up against, you can support them in the developing of that process of finding their own autonomy within that chore. For instance, I HATED doing the dishes till I was 26. I had that trapped/dread feeling every day. Until I finally figured out MY way. I use a plastic scrub brush. Not a rag. And I use a dishwasher (despite how unpopular that opinion is on here.
) I wash that scrub brush in the dishwasher so it’s clean every day. Turns out I hate rags/scrub pads. I now find it an easy and satisfying task, which is bizarre to even write. 😆 I did it for my mom till that year. That’s okay for a time. But how I feel now, is free as a bird. Despite the fact, I still (mostly) wash the dishes.
So basically, teaching how to do this process of learning self motivation is a life long struggle and investment. And a wonderful gift.
And maybe you can give them a deadline that says something like “when you’re 12 and you can play …….. and you still don’t find it worth while to you, you can choose to let that chore go.”
All this being said, I got super sick from the stress of full time school in elementary, and my mom took me out and let me have 2 years off to just learn from the outdoors and cooking and stuff. Best thing she could have done.
My mom is remaking a curriculum for piano right (partly because the traditional way didn’t work well on me 😁) now that is full body and uses different areas of the brain and is just interesting to kids, games they do because that’s what children want to do. But she’s still teaching piano (supposedly the thing they hate)
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