I am having trouble switching gears to figure out what I can do
This is quite a useful question -
how to align with a new reality?
It can be truly jarring to have invested in a dream, a concept, the hope of an experience, and then face a life path that takes you in a different direction. For those of us who are somewhat (ok, well maybe very) stubborn, this dilemma sure comes up, where it is hard to let go of the old dream as life calls for a different approach. Like you, I had life changes and financial hiccups that necessitated reframing from an envisioned 40 acres of varied terrain with a farm house into 5 acres of off grid clearcut timberland, living in a (really) tinyhome with minimal practical comforts (for now...)
It helped me to switch gears when focused on my
choice. Yes, I wanted what I wanted before - honestly I would still really like that. And now that it was off the table, the simplest need was that I wanted to farm, committed to regenerative agriculture and a permaculture life... somehow, someway, even if it was so different than the initial dream. And I wanted that more than I wanted the ideal vision. I could choose to walk away or do nothing (that felt really dark and awful) or I could choose to step forward where it was possible, even if I stubbornly felt an internal resistance. As Becky Kennedy says "Two Things are True" (
https://www.wealthofhappiness.com/good-inside/)
It also helped me to switch gears by reminding myself 'this is not the end of the story" - I can do this for now, and put my heart and mind and committed self into it, and watch to see what other doors open in the future. We never know...
And when I was planning to have a medicinal woodland on my ideal farm, I read this book which really inspired me:
https://www.chelseagreen.com/product/farming-the-woods/ Good data can really help with reframing, opening eyes to possibilities we could not see before.
And now I am on a property that had the impressive total of 3 trees on it when I bought it. And none of that 'Farming the Woods' applies now. But I am creating the future orchard with baby trees, planting cork oak acorns, chestnuts, apricot and apple trees, fodder trees... so the woods will happen at some point. And at the end of the day, even if it is not the dream I wanted, it is a life I love, and that I choose again each day.
Maybe you can look at the 'Two Things are True' within yourself, and also find a way to choose to align with your simplest need?
Wishing you the best as you resolve your dilemma