... seeking ... probably nothing. I am trying to find a path to being okay running solo. While it would be great to find that magical relationship, my history says it is not gonna happen. And effort spent in seeking a connection will probably be frustrating for everybody involved. For every connection that lasts more than a year, there are a half dozen attempts that end - usually with the downsides outweighing the upsides.
Here is a recent video of me (seems appropriate that if a person is gonna post to this forum to include a pic).
I have pretty much convinced myself to remain perpetually single. I am writing this not to seek a partner, but to, instead, make whiney sounds about the women i see and how i prefer to remain single than start something. And these same women are most likely thinking "oh good - that worked out perfectly for everybody!"
I suspect that 99% of people will find what I am about to write absolutely unacceptable. To those I wish to point out that it seems that my values and standards are different from yours.
Every few weeks I run errands in missoula. I always stop off at the good food store. For the last 5+ years I have been single, so there is this tiny inkling of a thought that I might meet a nice gal there. Nope. And then I think "probably for the best."
I have zero tats or piercings. I do not use artificial color in my hair nor do I use any make up. I have never owned anything like that. It seems like this stuff is what everybody is into now. I am bonkers about permaculture - and a big part of that is how to romance nature so a symbiotic relationship can lead to a greater, healthier, more vibrant life. Artificial hair color runs contrary to all that - and it is a class 1 carcinogen, right up there with smoking and asbestos. I like the idea of finding a gal that will want to do all this stuff with me, but if she is loaded with toxins, it seems contrary to the path I seek.
When I was 11 I lived with my grandad on a cattle ranch. We worked the ranch. I have never owned a cowboy hat, cowboy boots or a cowboy belt buckle. I remember the expression "all hat and no cows." I saw a lot of people sporting the cowboy (or cowgirl) look, but they have never spent time on a ranch.
I wonder if there is a similar thing for permies?
I've never perused the postings of women here looking for a mate. But I have looked at a lot of threads here because this forum seems to need a lot of moderation. When checking a woman's thread, it sounds like a lot of them are finding matches - which is great. And .... for most of them .... I don't get it, but to each their own. Most of the posts don't seem very permaculture to me.
There was a gal here in the bootcamp last spring. Mighty wholesome. Young - 20-something is my guess. On her last day she told stephen and i something about her life before arriving here. something about makeup and false eyelashes. I musta made some sort of face that was entertaining. Everything we are doing here seems to be the complete opposite of false eyelashes. And the process of installing false eyelashes just seems ... uncomfortable. If it takes five minutes to install false eyelashes, it just seems like the same five minutes would be better spent gardening or reading or visiting with somebody (about permaculture, of course!).
A guy was in the bootcamp last spring and after a few weeks he said "check it out!" He was proud of his new tat of a honey bee. My reaction was not what he was looking for. I said "you know that the ink is toxic, right?" I guess I couldn't appreciate the art because all my brain cells were hyper focused on the toxicity.
A coupla years ago a nice gal that seemed to be showing strong interest in me. I wasn't interested. She clearly liked weed and I don't. There were other things, but the weed thing is enough for me to pump the brakes.
I used to drink alcohol once every few years. A long time ago a friend went through some shit and needed a drinking buddy. He rolled his eyes at my fruity drink. He thought it was so silly he took a pic
And then while fighting cancer with "food as medicine" I learned that hooch is a class 1 carcinogen. Well, it is mighty easy for me to ditch all hooch - I don't really like it anyway.
There are heaps of great peeps that love hooch, drugs, tats, piercings, tobacco, conventional foods, etc. Many of them come here for events or the bootcamp or to rent a cabin for a bit ... after years of moderating this forum and working with the rest of the staff to say "ya gotta let these people fly their own freak flag" I just felt the urge to fly my freak flag. I know I am not just in the minority, but it is a freakishly tiny minority.
I know that there will be a few hundred people angry at me for having values that are different from their own values. I would like to ask those people to embrace their values and allow me to have my values.
I cannot imagine attempting a date. It seems like the odds are very high that i would be simply torturing an innocent woman with these values. And this doesn't even touch my brutally arrogant philosophies.
I share this here with the idea that there might be other single folks that have some similar values. Are there people reading this with similar values? What might I have left out?
