Seeking Land Partner(s) for Intentional Off-Grid Living in SE Oklahoma Mountains

About 10 years ago, I left the digital grind in city behind and moved to rural Oklahoma to build an off-grid life. I built my own home by hand and began setting up permaculture systems. Unfortunately, I ran into challenges with local hostility — the kind that makes peace and privacy impossible. That chapter was painful, but I learned a lot: about survival, land, people, and how vital community and harmony are.

Now, I’m starting over on ~15 acres in the SE Oklahoma mountains — a vastly better location where I can thrive without intrusion. The land is under a contract for deed (with a seller I trust — we’ve done this before), and I’m working on selling my old property to pay it off within the year.

What I’m Looking For

I'm seeking 1–3 like-minded people interested in building something intentional and grounded in autonomy, nature, and mutual support.

If you’re conservative, libertarian, or into gender roles — this won’t be a fit.

If you’re secretly hoping to start a romantic relationship, this also isn’t a dating ad.

This isn’t a commune, and it’s not turnkey. There’s no existing infrastructure (yet), so you'd need to bring resources and a willingness to build. But you'd have my knowledge and help whenever you want. I build solar power systems, can frame, do plumbing — you name it, I’ve probably spent time teaching myself to do it.

I want to build a communal kitchen and shower house for when my friends and family visit, so first partner would need to help build that and then could build a simple dry cabin and use those facilities, or build your own shower,  kitchen,  etc.  I have more details on all this and pros and cons of options for interested parties.

I've only been on this new land a few months. I moved a shed, slapped insulation and drywall up,  catching rainwater off roof, showering and washing dishes outside. But I have enough solar for some AC, so it's not all roughing it! My plan is to clear a portion of the actual peak and build longer term shelter up there, from where the views can be enjoyed.  But one step at a time.

There are multiple spots I can see being good for building.  Some on or closer to peak, and some that would be nice on a kind of shelf sticking out from the downslope. Plenty of space to keep most of the forest and also have clearings, a mountain meadow or two. But right now? My little setup is in the one little clearing the land company made right by the entrance.  

To give some idea of what I want to do...I'm keen to make dead hedge fences with cleared materials, and catch as much water as possible to create various water nodes, utilizing the mountain slope....For plants and biodiversity,  as well as enjoyment (a fountain,  maybe a pond). I enjoy bushcrafting and tinkering immensely. I'd love company to explore and build together.

Eventually, I'm open to land share or land trust models, including potential labor equity arrangements for a couple people — but right now, I need one solid partner who can co-invest and co-create. I’ve already created a trust for land ownership. Future partners would be added to the trust once we agree on terms.

A quick note on dynamic and power balance:

I’m not looking to invite couples—hear me out. It’s not about being picky for the sake of it. I’ve had enough firsthand experience with couples (even well-meaning ones) unintentionally creating a power imbalance when I’m the only solo person involved. That’s not a dynamic I want to repeat.

This isn’t just about lowering the cost of living or getting back to nature—though both matter. I’ve made serious sacrifices to secure and protect this place with the goal of creating an autonomous zone. So I’m especially drawn to people who are comfortable in their own company, who’ve developed a strong sense of self-reliance, and who know how to show up with respect and awareness in shared space.

Respect for personal space and shared agreements is essential here — this land is a sanctuary, not a social experiment.

Life Here

I live simply, off-grid, and close to nature. I work remotely doing freelance tech and spend the rest of my time building systems and exploring. The land is rugged and beautiful — expect bears, mountain lions, and endless wildlife.

Necessary Services

The nearest town with basic stores and emergency medical services is about 25 minutes away. There's a post office,  a good library,  hardware and feed stores,  auto repair shops.

I haven’t scouted the one seemingly actual grocery store there yet, but the dollar stores do leave some gaps when it comes to quality food though they do have a great selection of all the little stuff one might need in a rural setting. For fuller grocery runs with better selection, I’ve been driving an hour away with a cooler.

This setup works, but it’s something I hope to improve—mainly through hydroponic food growing and eventually adding a larger freezer so I can stretch out the time between big grocery trips.

This is rural Oklahoma. It's red, poor, and remote—facts, not complaints. You’ll need a level of self-sufficiency and realism to thrive out here, but with that comes such freedom and beauty too.

This is for People Who Want:

Their own small home or setup on shared land

Occasional shared labor, meals, or nature hikes, etc. Who knows maybe we'll discover some shared nature hobbies

Community, but also lots of solitude and autonomy

A space for introspection, growth, and nature-based living

I Click with Those Who Are:

Progressive in values and politics. I will not debate human rights.

Open-minded, kind, intolerant of intolerance

Self-reliant, curious, not looking for a savior or a “wifey”.

Spiritually open or eclectic — but not evangelical or dogmatic. I do not get along any better with atheists looking to prove absolute death to me than theists. Fellow seekers who strive to create meaning are most welcome.

Builders, doers, dreamers who respect boundaries and process

If you’re conservative, libertarian, or into gender roles — this won’t be a fit.

If you’re secretly hoping to start a romantic relationship, this also isn’t a dating ad.

I’m open to deep connection, but only if it grows organically from shared purpose and mutual respect. Like minded people are welcome to reach out regardless of gender identity, age, or sexual orientation. I'm not looking to date or for a romantic relationship. I'm open to something more developing, but this is NOT my main priority and anyone reaching out with this as their goal will be filtered out.


About Me

Cis, heterosexual woman in my 40s. Never married.

Freelance tech worker (remote)[/list ]
[list]Strong DIY ethic: I build, grow, fix, forage, and design

Deeply spiritual, not religious

Former pilot; would-be sailor and surfer if I ever get to the ocean again — I love to move and explore. We could share activity gear/expenses if we find  shared activities

Firm believer in sustainable systems and radical honesty

Final Thought

I know most people into this lifestyle already have their land or setup. But I’m offering something rare: the chance to join in from the ground up on land that’s beautiful, remote but accessible, and where you won’t be alone — unless you want to be.

If you’ve been dreaming of intentional land-sharing or community rooted in freedom, creativity, and solidarity, reach out. Let’s talk and see if we align.


Please Read Before Reaching Out

I’m not looking for penpals or casual dreamers. While I’m open to getting to know someone and understand that real alignment takes time to explore, my goal is to connect with people who are genuinely ready to build something real — on the ground, not just in messages.

That said, I don’t have endless time online to field open-ended inquiries. I’ll do my best to respond, but I need to be thoughtful with where I invest my energy. If your message reflects sincerity, clarity, and a readiness to act, I’m much more likely to write back.

I don't have many photos yet but attaching a few. If you look close you can get some idea of the possible view of next peaks over peeking through the foliage.

I hope you get favorable responces.

I've been in a situation very like what you are offering here....coming onto raw land with one person starting a homestead and envisioning a small, informal community. They seemed open minded about how that would look and willing to let things evolve. I jumped in with both feet, and started working in the garden and on a large water system, while living in a tent, later building myself a cabin.  Anywhere from two to four other people eventually came as well, some on a distinctly temporary basis like wwoof, and others indeterminately, like me.  Unfortunately, the owner/founder of the place never got around to setting up any kind of formal structure for sharing ownership, stakeholding, land subdivision, land trust, or any other kind of setup where people living there could have any kind of long-term security.  Essentially it eventually felt like they wanted to retain veto power and on repeated occasions I saw people run into disagreements with them on whatever issues and they end up leaving, sometimes in haste.  My previous experiences in living in community of various sorts kept me on the landowners' good side most of the time, but eventually I met a girlfriend, who wanted to move out there and be with me.  She rubbed the landowner the wrong way from the very beginning and within a few months I found myself having to choose.  Fortunately in the meantime I was able to acquire a raw parcel adjacent, and so we went there and re-started.  But I had to leave my cabin and a lot of plantings and other stuff behind..eight years of my life!  So I guess my challenge for you is to find ways to not have this scenario happen on your place.  Lay out some pathways by which people will both be motivated and enabled to stay.  Think about what happens when people change, either you or them; because they will.

Thanks for saying hi, John!

Hey Alder, thanks so much for sharing your hard-earned insights. I’m sorry you had to go through that grief — I understand what it’s like to lose a hand-built home and years of plantings. That kind of loss is deeply personal.

Your experience really highlights the importance of thinking ahead about how to handle disagreements or changes because those are bound to happen.

Unlike your situation, where it sounds like the landowner was already established (?) -- edit" sorry you said they were starting out with raw land too-- , I’m starting fresh — and with a more structured ownership agreement designed to provide security.

Yes,  people sure do change (if they're doing life right! ). Yet overall the goal is to find a person “or 3” who genuinely like each other enough to share some goals. My intention is to find friends,  or at least allies who want to succeed and have a good time. 

Your post is helping me to lay things out more clearly. Thank you!

Permissions Structure

Early on, I began sketching a permissions system based on roles similar to a blog’s:

Admin: partner with majority or equal investment, trustee and beneficiary of the land trust

Editor: smaller investment, beneficiary who can 'edit' common areas more or less freely, but not make major decisions like clearing or structure building in common areas without consensus

Author: community member with control over their personal area (e.g., half-acre), with input on community decisions but limited authority on shared land.

Each member’s land portion and role would be documented in the trust and related contracts. I think something like this could work well in that each member has their own area, whether smaller or larger, they're free to do whatever they want so long as it doesn't hurt anyone or break the few but important rules. 

I feel very strongly that almost all human relationships would fare better with the simple adjustment of more space and respect for personal spaces, it's just that housing is so expensive people can't live with enough space in many cases.  I believe a buy-in model—whether labor or financial—secures personal space while collective decisions on shared resources happen in meetings.

Handling Change and Conflict

I have experience facilitating consensus governance. While consensus works well in small groups, larger groups can get stuck by individuals blocking progress. That’s why this permission system will define which decisions need consensus, which need majority, and which are individual freedoms — allowing people to operate independently while maintaining community harmony.

I'd like to work out a basic 'when we disagree' model with members. Just something simple like :” at an impasse? Take a break and sleep on it, come back to discuss when everyone is rested. Keeping the peace is important” , and perhaps an outline for mediation by other members if disagreement is 'extra'.

I don’t intend to control beyond what’s needed for stability. Unless rules are blatantly broken, eviction or breaking agreements should be unnecessary. For worst cases or voluntary departures, I’d like to offer buyouts of improvements — something we’d work out and formalize later. Naturally, it would depend on how usable left structure or systems are.

Joining with family or life partner

I'm not opposed to members finding romantic partners and their moving in with the land partner, or having kids / family. I just need (especially for starters) someone as into building systems as myself.  I think with a permission structure like mentioned the community could handle adding of family members.  In short, unless they buy-in/ work-off their own full membership,  they don't get votes / the member will have to share their vote on community matters. And they would need to contribute to communal facilities maintenance or dues. That doesn't mean they don't exist or are treated any differently socially, just that they haven't earned the right to make decisions for the community.

Morale and the Value of Partnership –why people should consider this over going totally solo

From my own decade-plus journey, I’ve learned that building everything solo—from clearing to establishing systems—is grueling and can seriously sap morale. Having one or two partners dramatically accelerates progress and lifts spirits, making survival and enjoyment of nature more attainable sooner.

My past experience living amid harassment and sabotage taught me how exhausting defending oneself can be, leaving little energy for thriving. Here, with better peace and location, I’m healing — but the biggest change I’d make is having allies from the start. Partners can make the difference between years of struggle and a much shorter path to a sustainable home.

Thanks again, Alder, for your honesty and experience. I’ll share some more practical details along these lines in a next post.

"The Rules"

I mentioned 'important rules' earlier so I want to touch on these. In short, to me it comes down to respect of land and each other.

No plastic trash burning though there will  be rare cases where we may need to burn some trash. I'd like to look into sharing a dumpster with other neighbors if we can't get conventional trash service out here. If you want to get deep into sorting trash for efficient composting, let's talk about it.

proper management of wastewater,

no shooting guns whenever wherever (we would need to agree on limited practice areas and times, or at least a quick  'hey i'm going to be shooting for a while, everything is fine/ no emergencies'.

I have firearms but I don't intend to disturb the peace with regular shooting and I much prefer a safe designated shooting area than people running around with firearms. Honestly, one thing I might be a stickler about is proper training or those folks don't pick up guns. There is dangerous wildlife, so guns make sense, but careless use kills people every day. I have no problem letting folks know what I carry, some idea of my skills and safety/storage procedures, and I'd like the same in return if members choose to own firearms. Really, an air horn, and bear spray are going to serve you better in 95+% of wildlife encounters here.

Reality Check – some ballpark figures and what you'd need to get started

Most people unfamiliar with off-grid living wouldn’t want this lifestyle. I’m fine with makeshift setups for now — for example, I don’t mind washing dishes in the shower out back until I can build more. I can handle if rain water collection tank runs dry and I have to haul some water — but not everyone would enjoy such challenges. It’s raw land with very basic conditions, and comfort comes in stages. (I JUST started clearing the peak — about a 40ft diameter so far — using a hand tree saw because I can’t get the fancy trimmer started lately.)

This setup works for me, but anyone joining would need to be ready for:

Community buy-in: I estimate $2000 buy-in for each person with or without land ownership. Admins and editors would also pay a per acre price for 1-3 acres. All members would need to pay minimal recurring monthly or quarterly dues for shared costs, like Starlink if you want to share mine and it reaches (the extender I have now goes about 200 ft), communal areas upkeep, land taxes. As more communal infrastructure is developed, community buy-in will likely increase.

Clearing: on the bright side much of the forest seems to be regrowth a couple decades old, so it's a lot of skinny trees and not tons of thick brush (though there's that and some older bigger trees too).

Shelter: dry cabin or tiny cabin, with basic heating and solar (plus a backup generator for topping off). I did my current survival pod setup (12x16) for about $10k, and includes insulation, drywall, basic small power system, diesel heater, mini split AC, and starter greywater treatment system.

Water: catchment or hauling, with greywater handled on-site. I know the filters to get it drinkable, but for now I've been hauling just drinking water.

Toilet: I currently use a sawdust bucket toilet, composted 300 feet away to avoid drawing wildlife. A cassette toilet is possible for those who want a “flush-like” experience, but it needs more water to operate.The less poo fear one has, the better! I find the simplest systems are least stressful, but to each their own. You could splurge for an propane powered incinerating toilet if you want!

Septic: This one has caveats worth discussing in depth with members. Oklahoma technically requires septic, but rural residents are often left alone unless there are complaints. I have found county requirements to be unhelpful for getting the most out of greywater and the bureaucracy is very difficult to navigate, when there certainly are better ways to properly deal with greywater. There is no affordable greywater re-use system approved in the state –this is purely for money making reasons. For so many reasons I would prefer to avoid septic, but if the county ever demands it, installation would be a substantial cost ($8,000 plus) shared by all members which would be installed in the communal kitchen, bath/shower area.

Cooking: solutions may be makeshift until systems are built. Fire grilling or propane burner is cheapest. Microwave is easy but drains batteries fast. Same with air fryer, though really opens up food options.

When my old land sells, I’ll have more resources to improve comfort, but it’s still a rugged opportunity. If I don’t find the right partners, I’ll focus on solo building and eventual travel. On good days, though, there’s nothing like sitting back and enjoying the cumulative wins — and the only thing better would be people to share them with. I hope this helps outline more what members could expect. Thanks for stopping by!

Wow that looks like you've put a lot of thought into that set of rules and principles, and probably some experience too!  Good for you!
   A bit surprising your cabin is as "modern" as you describe.  Are you opposed to having wood stoves?  This would create a use for cleared bush and another motivation to work at clearing.  
I built my cabin that I refer to out of complete dumpster scrounge....poles, bamboo, cardboard, plastic, and carpet (outer layer of carpet stuccoed with cement or mud plaster.  All told spent about $50 for a 12x12 space with loft and attached plastic greenhouse.  My one line boast is that I spent more on the housewarming party than I did on the house

Hiya, Alder. Not at all opposed to wood stoves. "Whaaat had happened was"… I hand-built a house on my old land (conventional construction) after a first land partner sabotaged a thin-shell burlap and magnesium cement structure on frame of remesh in a big circle. I was going to live in that until I got earthbags around it, but... sabotage.  (Can you tell I’ve had my share of learning who not to trust I consider it 8 years of Tolerance Paradox learning.  I kept trying to be tolerant of people who were crossing boundaries when now I know to set those firmly upfront. And if people speak poorly of others or are intolerant of marginalized groups,   they'll speak poorly of me to others, and ostracize me too)

I only went with conventional construction then because a neighbor kept insisting that’s what I should do and that he could “help.” After the whole “partner” mess, I thought that sounded supportive. Long story short: the only projects that ever gave me trouble were the few instances where I let someone else take over.

When I tackle something I research or use common sense to make sure it's a solid plan. I thought since he knew conventional construction I could follow his advice, but he basically cut corners and didn't inform me of those choices along the way.

AND then the guy ended up thinking I owed him social slavery or something. I still did 90% of the labor, but he’d drop by, show me how to build a wall or beam, then leave me to it. It’s a shame he and his wife turned out to be bigoted, because for a short time I thought I had a tinker-builder buddy. Nope.

Years later I was forced to move because of violent neighbors (as mentioned briefly) — him included. Gunfire intimidation, you name it. It's pretty hard to build a fence, work on mushroom logs or whatever when there's neighbors intentionally trying to scare the shit out of you with guns.  Real pieces of work.

Side note: I worry people might think I was the problem, but I was nothing but kind until these neighbors started actively hurting me, spreading lies, engulfing me in trash smoke for days.  When I stood my ground, they took that as “proof” I was the problem. Sorry to ramble about that but I'm still processing it.

For years I thought I’d never leave — I had paid-for land! But the stress took its toll. You can imagine the kind of situation it took for me to give up everything I built.


So when I left I made do with what I had... A few years back a friend camped out on my land a year or so and bought a prebuilt shed — surprisingly solid for what howthose things tend to be built. I paid to have it moved. Before that, last winter I was in a tent on the new land with a wood stove. Wow what a tent flapping cold ass winter. Ha!

When the stove kept having issues smoking me out, I switched to a diesel heater. Very happy with how it got me through winter. I think I just need a tighter-seal stove and to cut wood smaller. Might use the old one on the porch since it’s drafty.

The mini-split AC is necessary — way more efficient on my small solar setup than anything else. I can work in heat (“lizard mode” haha), but AC keeps my brain sharp for computer work. I dream of adding a badgir/windcatcher to my longer term cabin because here the hotter it gets, the breezier it gets — probably the mountain

In an ideal world, I’d have built less “modern,” but I had to survive that gauntlet. I’m a little envious of folks who’ve gotten to build their bushcraft or permaculture homes.

The upside is I get to build my long-term cabin exactly how I want, and this survival pod can become a guest cabin or a hydroponic grow shed.

Your cabin sounds rad! I want mine to be like yours sounds it was...my scale, with nooks for my uses, a loft. That's easy to get into.  Ive long thought an attached greenhouse to transfer heat inside in winter would be great.  How was your greenhouse set up?

Are you still on the land you moved to after your bad experience? Ive found one nice thing about starting over is you can improve all the things you learned from the first time. How did you build your next home?

I haven’t decided exactly how to build the next cabin yet... big fresh brainstorm!

but before that I need a tornado shelter for next season. This spring’s winds were humbling. I’m picturing a dugout with vertical logs, horizontal logs for walls and the roof — plenty of trees within 30 feet of the dig site. I could cut and roll then right into place.  

A local suggested a culvert for longevity, but I think building a dugout sounds fun and, with some attention to keeping the top dry, it could last 20 years easy. I figure if it lasts even just a few years it's worth it.  Besides once I get the area I want to build on cleared I'll need a closer second storm shelter anyway.  What do you think?

Respectfully, not to Alder or John but regarding men in general.
I've had multiple instances with men into permaculture who want to criticize the income I "think I have to" make,  or this or that way that I approached something that could have been more permaculture.  There are people who value frugality and sustainability, I'm one of those people.  but there are also people who use stinginess and privation to test boundaries toward dominating women.  The TURN OF THE LIGHTS men. We live in an extremely patriarchal society.  Every time I think i can simply prove my merit regardless of gender, I'm met with a double standard and find that the majority of men aren't looking for contemporaries or a peer. They're looking for women to do labor, the labor of a "conventional wife"...whether physical,  social, emotional.....  any kind of labor.  Ive seen this in starting businesses with men as well.

This is not a view I came into adulthood with. But learned the hard way.  Unless men are actively unpacking patriarchy and how that makes a very different field to navigate, into egalitarianism,  they tend to perpetaute power imbalances based on gender.

I met a guy on here before who seemed interested in finding peers and doing permaculture stuff.  But he was just auditioning women to be his third wife. I also learned that some people move to nature to do neat projects and works,  and some because nowhere else will have them,  or because they're looking for a situation where they don't have to be accountable for actions.

When I showed that potential ally readiness to collaborate,  he accused me of offending his never mentioned faith, and ghosted me after months of rapport building.

Women often have different paths in getting to their nature homes than men,  because everything costs us more,  from basic necessities to lower wages.  Then add on small town outright misogyny,, largely from the older women who,  I GUESS,  are jealous im free and don't work for a man,  don't have a husband and all their baggage and transactional relationships.

I get along with just about everyone.  I love my friendships with the men in my life.  Patriarchy and all -archies hurt men and everyone else too. But patriarchy has been THE MAIN obstacle in all my years of work and still struggling just for basic peace and rhe right to simply exist.  So it's important enough to mention.  I mean is not fuxing rocket science.  Intelligent,  compassionate people can figure out equality in small groups.

Feel free to drop questions about my approaches, but if it equates to dismissing me as too "modern" and never answering a question,  just skip posting here.  Thanks!

Btw, I found 2 or possibly 3 closer country stores that may have good grocery selection.  So that's an encouraging update to me.