Building a community that 'Feels Like Family'

It has long been part of our dream to be co-creators of a truly loving supportive community, but the path from here to there has always been elusive.  A few times in my life I've run across people who, during the short time I was in their presence, had that 'feels like family' vibe that made me want to build something more lasting together.  Circumstances being what they are, that hasn't yet worked out except for when I met my husband, and our kids in turn.  But I know it can happen, and that the people are out there, and it all comes down to bringing us all together in a way that works.

I've noticed that one method of seeking for compatible persons is to search out skills that complement yours until you find someone that you could effectively work your farmstead with.  That at least seems like what the badges on this site are geared toward being able to do.  But ultimately, what you seek is what you will find... and for me, no list of academic (or permie) achievements could ever identify the vibe that tells me we could make a truly beautiful (and stable!) community together.  When someone has that vibe, they belong... and we'll just enjoy whatever skills that brings to the whole as they come to us.  But those are not our defining qualities.

What is it that characterizes such a vibe?  I think it comes down to those who are living their authenticity to the same degree as we are.  Or in other words, who are living their lovingness to the same degree of purity (or not) that we are living ours.  It's a heart thing, not a mind thing.

How would you advertise for that, though?  I don't think that'd be any easier than trying to advertise for a spouse... when all you can effectively present or write down are the academic elements that cannot define what you're truly looking for.

It seems to me that the best way to do this would be to simply put yourself out there - manifesting what makes you _you_ in as pure an expression from your heart as possible, and in as many ways as you can manage - and let that draw who it will.  Sooner or later one hopes that this could (re)connect a family community together.

For what it's worth, the best offerings _I_ can currently think of to this end (however, _not_ specifically related to permaculture, but I suppose by way of personality introduction) are in poem and story form, here:  https://www.fictionpress.com/s/2867577/1/Breeze-Against-My-Face and here:  https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6998919/1/Essentially-Magical

If you have any suggestions for building up a community of this intrinsic quality, I'd like to hear them.  

In my opinion, it's all going to come down to trust. We trust our families to have our back, because they are kin, know us, and expect us to support them as well. Strangers do not have a background of mutual support and trust, so it is going to take time to build all that into a community situation. If I myself were trying to seed an intentional community, I would only do it if I could have me and some siblings be the nucleus of it and invite people to join us and then build from there.  

Hi Marianna,
I think everyone wants that "feels like family" feeling more often :)

When I think of a communities that work well together, I think of places with a direction and a purpose. Working towards a specific goal doesn't leave as much time for disagreements. Also have a strong leader with a strong vision. Most eco-style communities seem to have a fairly democratic style of governance (or no governance at all). While these styles can make people feel more included and more freeing... it can also lead to a lot of arguments and is incredible inefficient. And arguments and things going slowly are two things that often cause splits. The other thing is the desire to put others before yourself. Selfishness is very natural to us humans, but it is devastating to communities (or families).

And, while this is probably farther than most people want me to go... religion, specifically Christianity gives people a greater good, a noble goal, something to work towards that all help to avoid division. Also, it teaches putting others before yourself, which is necessary for any community.

Can you get unselfish people with a direction to go in, outside of religion? Of course. In my opinion, though, it is much harder. Do people in religion have good communities with purpose and without selfishness? Occasionally, but we often mess things up too. Still... Christianity gives a standard and a goal to strive for. So many people without a religion will have different standards, and that makes community even harder. Not impossible, look at Permies :)... but here we have a strong leader, with a goal, who keeps people on track.