The Sound of Bermuda Grass (With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

Sing it, y'all!!   :D

The Sound of Bermuda Grass
(With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

Hello Bermuda my unfriend
I’ve come to slaughter you again
Because into my garden you are creeping
And my produce you are eating
And the roots that I’m digging from the dirt
are quite berserk
and must go on forever!

In the garden I dig and pull
Knots of roots heading for hell
How deep can they even go down!?
Into the bedrock or even more down!?
Then my back was stabbed by
The pain of a muscle tight
Done for the night.
I’ll be back, Bermuda!

And up and down the street I saw
In all of these well mowed lawns
There is grass casually reseeding,
Crossing sidewalks without ceasing!
Growing roots that might go down to hell!
I cannot tell.
I cannot find the bottom.

“Fools!” said I, “you do not know
Bermuda like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you!
Kill your grass before it eats you!!”
But my words to them made zero sense
The neighbors stared... in silence.

And the people trimmed and mowed
As quite berserkly the grass growed.
And I kept up my pulling
It’s a weed that’s needing culling
And I think that
The roots and runners of the grass are
Running amok
No one gives a cluck.

I kill Bermuda... in silence....


I curtsy nicely at you all, and hiss at the damn grass  
:D

Here we have Quack grass, horrible stuff, roots 6' deep, and if you miss just one piece... like MacArthur, they will return.

Pearl I actually sing the song with your lyrics in my head reading the post. Love the rhymes!

I have a hard time identifying grasses but there are lots of big deep-rooted clumps here. When I tried to dig them up with my gardening fork, I ended up breaking my fork handle.

May Lotito wrote:Pearl I actually sing the song with your lyrics in my head reading the post. Love the rhymes!

I have a hard time identifying grasses but there are lots of big deep-rooted clumps here. When I tried to dig them up with my gardening fork, I ended up breaking my fork handle.

May: I made it to be sung! Mom heard it a couple of times while I was writing it. She was pretty entertained by it :D  I have a hard time singing the line "kill your grass before it eats you!" as I crack up laughing every time. That was the line that came while I was pulling that made me write this. I had a couple of other songs I was working with to make up a Bermuda grass song, but that line made me laugh the most, so I used Sounds of Silence.

And yeah, there's some deep rooted prairie grasses around here that I dig out when it's muddy and I have a half a chance. I also use a hose with a high pressure sprayer when the ground is already muddy to carve it loose enough that I can fork it out.
It has it's place in the world, but this yard ain't it.
Bermuda has no place in my world.

I hiss at it.