Coffee Memes, Jokes, and other Coffee Drivel

We have staff who do not function before coffee.  NY detectives are equated with coffee and dunkin donuts in books and on the TV.
If you have any coffee stories, memes, saying, things that ring true, cartoons or other drivel here is the place to let it rip - but not before the first coffee of your day.
                                                                                                                     

Me before 10 AM or before my second coffee - which ever comes last
                                                                                                                     

I have a vague long-term goal of weening myself off of my coffee addiction.

Recently I was down to one cup a day, though in the past week I went on vacation and my daily habit ballooned up to 2-4 cups per day.

So today I'm going to try to tamp it back down to a firm 2, then gradually decrease it again. I doubt I'll be able to fully eliminate it as a daily habit for several more years, but the idea is that I should one day be able to enjoy coffee recreationally again, instead of just having this dependence on it.

The problem is that I use coffee in the morning, for its...um, "assistive" properties...to, you know, start my day off in an unburdened way...because otherwise this activity would naturally want to happen in the afternoon which is very inconvenient. So a lot of this will depend on how thoroughly I have retrained my lower digestive system.

There is a joke going around here lately, considering the ridiculous prices of gasoline and coffee, that anyone who is pulled over by the police while driving with an insulated cup of coffee in the car will have to undergo special interrogation to explain where they got the crazy amounts of money needed to buy both gasoline and coffee at the same time. Most coffee jokes here are along those lines lately!