Dez BRK (post deep roots)

Post 785
Day 30
2023.07.04 Tuesday, morning entry
PTJ day 2

Grateful for holidays..

Post 786
Day 31
2023.07.05 wednesday, morning entry
PTJ day 3

Grateful for home cooked meals.. a month after returning, I get to partake in a ptj as an attendee and have R’s food again.. quite a welcome back indeed.. I understand that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.. this heart is so filled..!!! :)

Warning—the universe directed me to hang out with kittens yesterday.. so … just a heads up about the pics

Post 787
Day 32
2023.07.06 thursday, morning entry
PTJ day 4

Grateful for a happy gut.. I’ve been missing my routine and yesterday’s sluggishness gently reminded me to get back on it.. water kefir is in process.. it should be ready to sample in just a few days :)

Post 788
Day 33
2023.07.07 friday, morning entry
PTJ day 5

Grateful for all the smiley faces at the ptj.. :)

Post 789
Day 35 [Letting Go]
2023.07.09 sunday, morning entry
PTJ day 7, butterfly day 2

Grateful for Saturday market.. and missing yesterday’s post ..still processing my feelings about “letting go”.. I let the universe guide the wheel yesterday.. a little more than usual, on the socializing front.. and take a ride with a four person carpool.. typically, I avoid these kinds of situations unless it’s planned out—meaning I usually drive separate or skip the outing.. alas, the Whisper suggested I loosen my grip of the steering wheel and take the back seat of a domestic branded suv with three other PERMIES folks, and head out for the next 3-6 hours.. Missoula bound..

Hanging out used to be such an enjoyable activity in my college days.. yet these days, I just get anxious letting go of my to do list.. there seems to be something very soul-feeding about spending my free time doing my list..

I don’t have any problem letting go, as long as it’s planned.. but actually I have anxiety about it.. another funny thing is other diversions that keep me from my to do list don’t cause anxiety.. not sure if it has to do with control (having my own vehicle) or the socializing aspect, or maybe something else.. life goes on and yesterday was definitely fun.. how else is time better spent than with fun positive generous people, being driven around through beautiful Missoula.. if Anxiety is a character, I honestly don’t understand it’s significance other than that it brings contrast.. that’s enough processing for now..

(WasI having so much fun that I totally forgot to post yesterday..?!).. started my day with drilling a hole in the Bob pole while watching many of the attendees gather to go to Missoula and or the hot springs.. then the day just flew by.. I managed to fit in two more errands from my list before falling asleep around 10pm.. it must have been a fun day, but I’ma little bummed that I broke my streak already.. I guess I needed the contrast [again] haha..