A bunch of sensical nonsense. Grateful.

I really appreciate this thread. Thanks to everyone who gets vulnerable and honest; it's inspiring. This life is not for the faint of heart and sometimes I question my own sanity.
It's true, we are lofty and driven and I admire that about folks like us.
I am also prone to being a rescuer, not so much in the relationship sense, but in the "I see you're struggling with your property or project and I have ideas". I've volunteered my time for several people, who by and large are grateful.
I've "rescued" two other homesteads from their own demise by addressing chaos and clutter. The kind of thing that takes people out. Waste and garbage issues, reclamation of materials and resources, building rehab, land plotting, etc.
I'm not a "grower", even though I can make due, that's not where I've focused my skill set.
So Ive found myself, by intention, in remote Alaska. It's absolutely stunning here. The mountains and lands of the rainforests are awe inspiring. I'm still not tired of watching the wales come up and the air just has a scent of ancient past that you can't come close to replicating.
The birds sing all day in the long hours of sunlight, often wide awake at 3:30am when the light of day breaks the horizon.
All in all, I'm at peace. The world is doing its thing an I'm a million miles away from the nearest violent crime or political theater. That's why I wanted this and I got it in spades.
However...
I never imagined the adjustment to isolation would be so challenging. I definitely signed up for it and kinda knew what I was getting myself into, yet I find myself daydreaming about coffee shops and the ability to just aquire exactly what I need in any moment. And sometimes, what I perceive I need, is a hug from a new acquaintance or a random request for a hangout from an old friend. To be needed, for whatever reason, by someone outside of my bubble.
But here's the thing, all of those things, when I had them, came with a price. They all required something more of me than I belive we were meant to give.
In order to be in proximity for those things to happen, it demanded that I be part of the system. That I find and establish a home that was ultimately funding someone else's vision of societal life. It required me to fund the systems that fed off of my "need" for energy consumption; buying power and water. Spending a great portion of my earning on fuel, not only for vehicles, but for whatever appliance needed that resource. It took from me, countless hours in order to fulfill a requirement for a paycheck that ultimately made someone else better off than me. I had to give so very much of myself in order to afford the luxury of being able to go to a coffee shop.
So now, with my Azure jar pour over coffee, my bathing in water pumped from a creek that flows out of a mountain, my boots muddy and my hands dirty, I am reminded of all of the sacrifices I made to have luxuries and I look at my life now and the luxuries are less flashy, but even more rewarding. Like renovating the outhouse on this property, from tarps draped over a few pieces of lumber, to now being able to quickly fire up a rocket stove and sit in comfort no matter the weather, in a stick built structure that make me feel like I'm actually on a throne.
To deciding from day to day which project I can concoct and have zero eyes on me or anyone telling me Im doing it wrong or not fast enough.
To take a nap whenever I feel like it. To drop what I'm doing at any given point and go pan for gold specs. To listen to the outdoors and not hear a single vehicle for hours at a time.
Watching the float planes fly overhead and know that it's passengers are looking down on us in wonder of what this land holds.
To just simple be present in each day.
Grateful for starlink.
Grateful for the birds and wales.
Grateful for abundance lf natural resources.
Grateful for memories.
Grateful for the breeze when my clothes are damp.
Grateful for Azure.
Grateful for learning.
Grateful for fire.
Grateful for life and this grand adventure.
Grateful for the one I know will find me one day.
Grateful for Permies.
Grateful for it all.

Enough rambling out of me.
Share with me what feels important.
I'm listening.
Blessings to you all,
Micheal

Interdependence (the "system" by which one person fulfilling his or her dreams requires helping another person fulfill their dreams in turn) seems to be an emergent quality of human existence, because we evolved in, and continue to develop within, and thanks to, complex social systems.

This is true whether a buddy is helping you hoist a wall of your hand-hewn log cabin into a vertical position, or whether you are working a job at someone else's company to pay a mortgage at a bank owned by someone else. And going it completely alone will make you go nuts, with loneliness if not just sheer lack of conversation.

Maybe one of the curses of being human is having the ability to envision the ideal of pure solitude, but not the ability to actually achieve it. I suppose our answer to this is to enjoy and appreciate the little ways we need other humans in our lives, despite the way this fouls up a serene primordial experience of being alone in the wilderness.

Michael said, "I never imagined the adjustment to isolation would be so challenging. I definitely signed up for it and kinda knew what I was getting myself into, yet I find myself daydreaming

It is much easier when a second person is involved.  

We love our isolation and having to deal with other people is a pain.

I got through covid self-quarantine by dreaming about eating chicken fried chicken at restaurants, etc.

It takes time though you will get there by staying busy, learning about your land and its plants, etc.

Ned, I tend to believe that we have forgotten. Because many of us feel this in our bones, that it's not some wild and arbitrary idea, but that we instinctually know how.
And as far as "going nuts", I believe this is more of a spiritual dilemma. If we can embrace the things that come up as a result of solitude and learn, truly, from the pains of being with ourselves,  then we have an opportunity to grow in ways that society and its systems can't even come close to teaching us.
For myself, this is what I'm called to do. I spent my life seeking some sort of social reward, pats on the back, "atta boy", and all the accolades of being a studio artist.
I've had to redefine what "loneliness" means. It's not the lack of human presence, but more the desire to hear and be heard. No matter the topic or reason. Like discovering a new to you bird, or finding a mushroom you've never seen. There's internal joy in that, but I do crave to share those discoveries with someone. Sometimes. Then I remember that the joy I feel in those moments is not diminished because there's not an audience for them. If nothing else, those moments feel more special because they belong solely to me .
Fortunately there are about 60 other humans within a 35 mile radius from here, so human connection isn't unheard of, but that day to day connection I got so used to is the things I'm working to undo and understand.

Thanks Anne, I do trust that. It's already happening. I just know things are always going to ebb and flow, hopefully to lesser and lesser degree.