Magdalene’s Bootcamp Experience

Brk day 48

Brk day 49

Brk day 50

Brk day 51

Finishing Friday... !
It is astonishing and amusing how many things we can feel, and how many places we can go inside ourselves in a week. Or even a day. It’s exhausting yet life-giving. I’ve chosen the method of allowing room for all these things to come and go as they please, gleaning what I can from them, and waiting to see where it leads rather than trying to find a quick and easy answer to spare myself the frustration and confusion.
This way, I am revealed more to myself and a truer, perhaps more fulfilling answer has time to form and emerge.

Brk day 52

Nice place you have there! wher is this? another realm? lol

Brk day 53

My silly side, playful, joyous, perhaps free-spirited side has felt as if it’s returned and has been making itself known to myself and others. Many people here may not realize it, but this is a part of me that’s been hard to access for a very long time. A part that has felt too vulnerable to share or express. A part that I wondered might have been lost, buried too deep.
This to me, it a testament to some very hard work I’ve put into myself in the last year and half, and to something here at wheaton labs that has helped me in this opening up. Maybe a sense of acceptance and safety, maybe a sense of trust? I haven’t cracked the code on it yet, but it’s something I have greatly appreciated and felt from the start.
With the return of this warm, lovely thing, there has also been the return of other parts of myself I haven’t seen in a long time. Parts that might be a little more unsavory. Parts that are a little more humbling (as if I wanted more of that). And so, I’m trying to learn how to embrace both sides, see them as they arise, and navigate through them. With no place that feels like I can “hide” from the people that I both work and live with.
Sometimes it makes me want to run and sometimes it makes me want accept the challenge and conquer it.

Magdalene Bolton wrote:
Sometimes it makes me want to run and sometimes it makes me want accept the challenge and conquer it.

A similar sentiment in me has evolved over the years.  As much as we may wish to avert our eyes, the "unsavory" is nevertheless a part of us.  Along with not allowing it free reign over us, it neither perhaps needs to be conquered, but rather listened to.  Typically, these unsavory parts have something to say and have never been given a sympathetic ear......someone who can "hear them out".  It seems if they are not heard, then they tend to remain in hiding.....often bitter and neglected....in some way 'unmetabolized'.  Good luck on the journey!....

John Weiland wrote:

Magdalene Bolton wrote:
Sometimes it makes me want to run and sometimes it makes me want accept the challenge and conquer it.

A similar sentiment in me has evolved over the years.  As much as we may wish to avert our eyes, the "unsavory" is nevertheless a part of us.  Along with not allowing it free reign over us, it neither perhaps needs to be conquered, but rather listened to.  Typically, these unsavory parts have something to say and have never been given a sympathetic ear......someone who can "hear them out".  It seems if they are not heard, then they tend to remain in hiding.....often bitter and neglected....in some way 'unmetabolized'.  Good luck on the journey!....

Thank you John. I completely agree with you. There’s a quote from Jung that you reminded me of,
“The unconscious shows us the face we turn towards it. It smiles if we are friendly to it; but if we neglect it, it makes faces at us.”

The challenge I’m finding that I wish to conquer is the feeling of having my vulnerabilities and more difficult aspects exposed to those around me. There’s not the typical separation of work life, home life, and social life here, so the people I spend time around see a fuller image of me and it can be hard to bear that. I feel more forced to face these parts and admit to them. Having witnesses to the process is what’s really hard.