Trouble finding a Partner? ....you might be an INFJ

For some reason, I feel compelled to share the following video after reading the "I'm an ENTJ, what are you"  thread.

As it turns out, INFJs, being the rarest of all the MBTI types, currently appear to be the most common personality type among permies ....how bizarre is that?  I suppose there are a number of reasons why this is (and probably worthy of a thread of its own right), but I thought it might be helpful to start one here that explores the unique challenges INFJs often face when it comes to finding that meaningful long-term relationship many of us are striving for.

In this regard, I feel the following video does an excellent job of laying out some patterns, pitfalls and solutions common to INFJs when it comes to finding that 'ideal' partner.

(spoiler alert: it's true, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself)  

Pete Podurgiel wrote:For some reason, I feel compelled to share the following video after reading the "I'm an ENTJ, what are you"  thread.

As it turns out, INFJs, being the rarest of all the MBTI types, currently appear to be the most common personality type among permies ....how bizarre is that?  

I couldn't remember what I was, so I just took the test again. Sure enough, INFJ!

So, we're like a community of unicorns? 😁

I guess I need to watch the video now. 😏

Couldn’t remember also and took the theater and infp

Ha! My partner and I are both INFJs, and we continue to challenge each other daily!

Rachel McCarty wrote:Ha! My partner and I are both INFJs, and we continue to challenge each other daily!

That's awesome, Rachel ...I'm very happy for you guys and it's great to hear from an INFJ in a successful relationship!  

If I may ask, where did you two meet ...online or in the the "real World"?
...did you know your personality types beforehand?

I dated an INFJ for a spell and it was one of the most remarkable times of my life. We would have the most amazing conversations. I could talk with her about anything and everything for hours on end. It was almost like having a conversation with myself in a sense, but so much better.  It felt so liberating to be able to do that and not feel the need to withhold parts of my imagination in order to "fit in". Epilog: I've since learned it's just best for me to be my 'open-minded' self with everyone and let the chips fall as they may, I'm much happier in that regard and it's very liberating. If it means alienating myself from a relationship or being rejected for my 'beliefs' (that actually happened), then so be it.  I find I'm better off as a result and can do more important things with that time & energy.

Hi Pete,
Exactly what you said about your relationship applies to ours. There's nobody else in the world I can relate with like with him. We think very differently than most and have a shared philosophy in life. We met at Tom Brown's Tracker school through a series of miracles that led us both there.
Even though we both appreciate the uniqueness of each other's minds, we still test each other regularly!

Have you heard of Human Design? I wouldn't be surprised if INFJ lined with up Projectors.

Very cool - thanks for sharing, Rachel!  ....Tracker school,  that sounds pretty neat.

I've heard of Human design but haven't explored it very deeply (yet) ....I will check it out.
So much fascinating stuff out there to learn!

Meaning for this to be a lighthearted topic, here are some INFJ memes that crack me up.....

I have taken the test several times over the years and sometimes I'm INFJ and sometimes INFP... feeling more INFJ after looking at these memes :)

INTP checking in. We share some of the same struggles for sure and I've definetly seen some of those memes with INTP instead of INFJ.

I was trying to remember if INFJ was what I’ve tested as, and to even remember what the acronym stands for. My first guess was “Insecure-Needy-F’ing-Jerk”.  I knew that couldnt be right, but it may say something about me! I don’t know how I got my beautiful wife.

Ben Zumeta wrote:remember what the acronym stands for.... “Insecure-Needy-F’ing-Jerk”.

Coming from an INFJ, I always assumed it meant "insecure needy f'ing judgy-pants". I also, inexplicably, have a partner. He has not been tested but is a secure-fixing everything-f'ing-judgy-pants so we somehow manage to do okay together.

The hallmark of INFJness is pattern recognition, so it makes sense that INFJs would be drawn to permaculture!

INFP here and tend to be attracted towards INFJ every. Single. Time! They are great!

INFJ and likewise love deep conversations. Hard to find anyone else who likes such meaningful ones and INFJs are never just round the corner lol.

When I discovered that I am INFJ, it all made sense to me.  Nice to see the thoughts of other INJFs.... bless  you all!

INTJ here. We make up just a fraction of a percentage more of the population than INFJs and in fact the rarest type is male INFJs, and female INTJs.

Yes it is THE reason I have trouble finding a partner, friends or a place in the world at all.

Joe Gallien wrote:INTP checking in. We share some of the same struggles for sure and I've definetly seen some of those memes with INTP instead of INFJ.

There are alot of similarities between all of the intuitive introverts for sure.

As an INTJ I have alot of similarities with INTPs as we are both introverted thinking types, but in the presence of INTPs I can tell there is something different in how we think even though it's quite similar.

Although INFJs are feelers (w/Fe), and Fe is the absolute blindspot of INTJs, INTJs & INFJs are the only two types that have introverted intuition (Ni) as our dominant function, and it is thought of as the most mysterious of functions which is why we are the oddballs.

INTPs in comparisson use extroverted intuition as an auxiliary function & have introvert thinking (Ti) as their dominant function.

But for sure all of the intuitive introverts: INTP, INFP, INTJ &INFJ are the words of society and have quite a bit in common.

It's no surprise that permies is full of INXXs. I was curious about that.

Love seeing a Myers-Briggs post here! I am definitely an INFP and get along with INFJ's very well. I find the difference between INFP's and INFJ's are that INFP's have a harder time focusing to get something done. I tend to do a lot of dreaming about my potential beautiful property but the actual doing of it is a struggle. I am happily married to my almost-opposite: an EST/FP ... and he really likes to get things done. He's practical, and I'm not so much. I think we definitely bring different things to the table.

BTW, I love anything personality types. Self-reflection is an INFP trait, to a fault, lol.

I ran across a Facebook page called INFJ Refuge. It has some pretty good stuff and some good memes.

I'm INFJ-T  😂 It had to throw that T in there!

I used to try dating but I have decided not to anymore. It's to exhausting trying to figure out what other people want!

When I did online date I had this as my avatar

Yep.  Guilty.   Nice to know I’m not as alone as I thought

INFJ, 51, living the dream on a permie homestead in the coastal oregon woods surrounded by second growth. Looking for a possible mate. Great thread!!!

INFJ here! It totally makes sense that there are a lot of us here.

We can't stand bullshit.
We have to fix the problems.
And, we just can't stop caring!

I learned about being an INFJ a couple years ago and now acknowledging it. I am like this and have no shame or guilt... I'm just letting me to be myself.
That means also it's difficult to find a partner. Yes, I'm aware of that. But, I'm living better than ever because I now have good relationship with myself.
Once you get to this point, you will feel liberating and powerful!

I’m not sure who or if this text gets to anyone but I’m looking for a spot to live in my truck and or tent underneath some trees in exchange I will be ready to work all day and night, just as long as I have a peaceful spot…44yr old ,3 grown kids doing there own thing..so now it’s my life rn that I’m focused on , ‘it is weird after raising them and glad to get divorced and just need to be in my corner living in a van,tent down by the river… anyone that wants a extra hand for a spot to live on ,, my email…..Alex.bran362@icloud.com ,,,it’s my dream rn is to find land but don’t have enough $$ and again just looking for something or someone to help me or point me towards were

Brandon Alexander wrote:looking for something or someone to help me or point me towards were

Brandon, welcome to Permies.
Down here at the end of an old thread I'm concerned you won't get many eyeballs!
Try making a new post here https://permies.com/c/10
top right (at least on desktop view) there is a button that says "new topic".

I place Jung and his MBTI types as more accurate than astrology but not by much- still lots of people believe in horoscopes.  I type as an INTJ and have dated several INFJs, they are definitely some of the most compatible for me.

Love this thread, if I don't find a partner at least I found my people INFJ here!

What about ENFP? I feel like maybe we're not naturally gifted in ecological design, and it has to be intentionally sought and focused on, but that we can be good at it if we try?

Faeryn Savage wrote:What about ENFP? I feel like maybe we're not naturally gifted in ecological design, and it has to be intentionally sought and focused on, but that we can be good at it if we try?

Oh and I also am lame at finding a partner, so maybe it might have something to do with people being irregularly shaped like jigsaw puzzle pieces more than related to our personality type differences? Maybe not though. Currently trying to make life all lifey with an uber introvert... Being an uber extrovert... So fair it's been something of a cruise on a failboat... But we'll get our sea legs someday.

No way, haha! I'm an INFJ too, and I feel exactly the same, and yeah, never yet had a partner. I never really thought those things are connected, and also with interest to permaculture - I'm not yet doing it for some difficult life circumstances but I closely research it, and hopefully one day...!

It's really nice to see so many fellow INFJs here, and some cool memes

Cathy Rathbone wrote:I'm INFJ-T  😂 It had to throw that T in there!

I used to try dating but I have decided not to anymore. It's to exhausting trying to figure out what other people want!

When I did online date I had this as my avatar

Hey! And what is T subtype of INFJ? It's not related to Terminator T-800 or T-1000 robots, right? Ahaha

Nick Borisenko wrote:No way, haha! I'm an INFJ too, and I feel exactly the same, and yeah, never yet had a partner. I never really thought those things are connected, and also with interest to permaculture - I'm not yet doing it for some difficult life circumstances but I closely research it, and hopefully one day...!

It's really nice to see so many fellow INFJs here, and some cool memes

I have taken this test before. Think I was an INFJ. But don't remember. Loved reading these posts. I am continuresearching living off grid. Premier stuff bit don't seem to be able to "get out of town". Would love country quiet. Lived a year or two on 25 acres cherry farm with my family as a kid, loved the space and quiet.
I am relating to the not  doing well finding a partner. I am divorced for the second time. Both turned out narcissistic... I was devastated. I am now living out of... hiding... in someone else's spare room. Could definitely do the van living thing if I could get myself together.
Thanks for listening.

Debra Bannerman wrote:
I have taken this test before. Think I was an INFJ. But don't remember. Loved reading these posts. I am continuresearching living off grid. Premier stuff bit don't seem to be able to "get out of town". Would love country quiet. Lived a year or two on 25 acres cherry farm with my family as a kid, loved the space and quiet.
I am relating to the not  doing well finding a partner. I am divorced for the second time. Both turned out narcissistic... I was devastated. I am now living out of... hiding... in someone else's spare room. Could definitely do the van living thing if I could get myself together.
Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry, it must be hard to get mostly problems of a serious kind from relationships. Personally I won't advice trying van liufe while you are still depressed, it might be interesting but it definitely requires some initial charge of positivety and energy, so better first to treat yourself where you are From my personal experience, changes out of desperation are rarely successful in bringing what we want from then.

Debra Bannerman wrote:

Nick Borisenko wrote:No way, haha! I'm an INFJ too, and I feel exactly the same, and yeah, never yet had a partner. I never really thought those things are connected, and also with interest to permaculture - I'm not yet doing it for some difficult life circumstances but I closely research it, and hopefully one day...!

It's really nice to see so many fellow INFJs here, and some cool memes

I have taken this test before. Think I was an INFJ. But don't remember. Loved reading these posts. I am continuresearching living off grid. Premier stuff bit don't seem to be able to "get out of town". Would love country quiet. Lived a year or two on 25 acres cherry farm with my family as a kid, loved the space and quiet.
I am relating to the not  doing well finding a partner. I am divorced for the second time. Both turned out narcissistic... I was devastated. I am now living out of... hiding... in someone else's spare room. Could definitely do the van living thing if I could get myself together.
Thanks for listening.

Recently found out that I am an INFJ as well, it is one of the most amazing things i've discovered and it explains a lot in my life. But.. same here, second narcissistic relationship ending after a 7 year marriage. It's like our type attracts them like a super magnet. There is hope though, not knowing it at the time, I met the first INFJ ever in business last year and we had the most amazing deep and candid conversations. She was also not as easy to read as most people we come across. It gave me so much hope and actually is what made me finally realize how abusive the relationship I was in was for me.

John Wibel wrote:Couldn’t remember also and took the and infp

INFP as well, that always wanting to see the good in people,ugh, an obstacle, always