43yo SWM ISO companionship

Ben Gorski wrote:People may be busy...be patient. Think of this like sowing a seed

DeeDee Anderson wrote:Hi there! How are you? 😊

DeeDee Anderson wrote:Looks good! Congrats...how long have you been gardening? I am a newbie...I am traveling Europe until September, doing volunteer work and learning more about my new interests. Right now I am in Pisa, Italy volunteering with a local winemaker. It's been interesting work. What led your interest in homesteading?

DeeDee Anderson wrote:I'm from Los Angeles, California. I recently sold everything I own, quit my job and planned a 7-month backpacking trip in Europe. I'm entering month 3, currently in Florence for the weekend. I work parttime as a virtual assistant and parttime volunteer. I return to the states in September. I have been researching and trying to decide where I want to call "home"...possibly Washington state or North Carolina where I can continue to learn farming/permaculture and pursue my new interests in living off grid. But I'm actually considering a life alternating between traveling most of the year as a digital nomad and then returning to land or a community for a quarter of the year. I mean, why not, right? I'm always interested in making good, quality friends who share my interests though....which is why I messaged you. Plus, you're cute! 😊👍

DeeDee Anderson wrote:Oh wow! Lol that's ok I'm a weirdo too. Email me, ladeidreanderson@gmail.com and I'll shoot you a picture.

DeeDee Anderson wrote:I absolutely understand and respect your decision to take your time. Putting my email address on a public forum was a bit forward...at least for me. I'm all for chatting longer before taking things off of the site. When the time comes, we can video chat or call. :) I'm a bit shy, and really dont talk/video much but since I've been backpacking the last 2 months, it's gotten a bit lonely and some days I long for a little face-to-face conversation.

DeeDee Anderson wrote:It's OK. You don't have to like wine. I forgive you. :)  I don't drink much either...its just a guilty pleasure I like to indulge in from time to time. My host winemaker speaks little English so I am learning more visually than anything...I've done hours of pruning and helped bottle batches of white wine. That's really about it, so far, but it has been a cool learning experience nonetheless. I'm always interested in learning something new and exercising my brain...now its time to start exercising my body more too. I'm not as healthy as I should be but I've been working hard on that recently. The last year I've been transitioning to whole-food, plant-based eating and being more active. So I am a total newbie but I'm motivated and excited to learn and make new friends along the way. If you had to write a resume about your experience in farming/permaculture, what would you list? What would be your absolute dire list of skills needed in order to survive "off grid"?

DeeDee Anderson wrote:You're my kind of people. :)

DeeDee Anderson wrote:Honestly, in an apocalyptic situation, I would probably die horribly...not because I couldn't survive on my own with very little, (I think I could learn to thrive on my own), but because some random person would happen upon me and I would be so damn naive that I would invite them in out of love and kindness and then they would murder me in my sleep and take all of my shit. LOL! I am just not so good with people. Maybe I'm exaggerating. LOL My resume? Hmmm, I don't have much experience in anything other than helping others, either by customer service, or being a secretary or assistant. When I was younger I actually wanted to be a missionary, God's faithful servant and just bring people to him, but I since left organized religion and am just trying to save myself...in the sense of putting the oxygen mask on first before saving anyone else. Anyway, I have a resume full of office administrative work that would do absolutely nothing for me off grid. The only thing really going for me is that I am intuitive, systematic, organized, resourceful and have enough sense to figure shit out naturally or by researching/experimenting on my own. I have experienced some things but they were all introductions/novice experiences really. This is why I am really trying to learn and experience more hands on.

In theory, I think that in the event of an involuntary grid down, I would escape from all people, less those in my small circle, because people seem to be the most dangerous and hazardous lol...I would first establish safety for myself, somewhere in dense forest but close enough to a coastline, by building something small but functional and strong to protect me; build tools to use; source food/water, start a garden; and then a security system/contingency plan in case of emergency. I want to learn how to use solar/wind/water powered systems to sustain; I have a growing list of alkaline foods/herbs that I wish to grow and eat. I have a growing list of tiny house constructions that I am considering. I've never been fortunate enough to take scouts or do a lot of camping. Honestly, bugs and critters freak me out. But I see the importance in those skills and want to learn. I've watched my father build/fix things most of my life. Everything he learned by trial/error. He never directly educated me on those things, because I don't think he even knew the proper terms himself and was too "traditional" to teach his girls these things, but I watched him and I admire him for being resourceful and self-motivated. My step-father is less sophisticated but he is just as resourceful. I think I'm just as intuitive, but I do like to research/educate myself on common knowledge and terms also. I don't hold the establishment of education in the highest esteem but I do respect the time and research that people have done over history to realize methods and systems that were more successful than others. I don't approve of the establishment exploiting people's findings in order to make a profit, but I still value the information.

I agree that everything is a valuable lesson, both the good and the bad. I look at life this way too. I've become more cynical because of my life experiences and people tell me I have a lot of "baggage". I really despise this saying. I think this saying is cliche and not well thought out because each and everything you learn, makes you who you are and choose to be, and you carry it with you always. What's NOT good, is carrying unresolved issues or not learning from the challenges and to keep repeating the same mistakes. But every experience, in my opinion, affects a person and how they connect with others, whether its with work experience, family, friends, relationships, or whatever.

Anyway, how are you today? Me? Today is my last day with my winemaker in Pisa. Tomorrow morning I catch a train to Naples. So from 9am-9pm I will be hopping on/off trains. My travel days are really my least favored thing about backpacking. I prefer getting to and settled in my new location and getting acclimated to the new area. I put a lot of planning into my travel days to make sure I am going to the right place, catching the right trains, giving myself enough time, carrying a 50 lb backpack on my back and pulling a 60 lb roll bag in tow. It's a great workout! lol But wifi is limited and I don't speak fluent Italian so I have to be well prepared for anything. These are the days my anxiety is at its worse. But what can I say, it's all a learning experience, like I said before.

Question: do you know your personality type? www.humanmetrics.com/personality

K Cee wrote:

DeeDee Anderson wrote:Honestly, in an apocalyptic situation, I would probably die horribly...not because I couldn't survive on my own with very little, (I think I could learn to thrive on my own), but because some random person would happen upon me and I would be so damn naive that I would invite them in out of love and kindness and then they would murder me in my sleep and take all of my shit. LOL! I am just not so good with people. Maybe I'm exaggerating. LOL My resume? Hmmm, I don't have much experience in anything other than helping others, either by customer service, or being a secretary or assistant. When I was younger I actually wanted to be a missionary, God's faithful servant and just bring people to him, but I since left organized religion and am just trying to save myself...in the sense of putting the oxygen mask on first before saving anyone else. Anyway, I have a resume full of office administrative work that would do absolutely nothing for me off grid. The only thing really going for me is that I am intuitive, systematic, organized, resourceful and have enough sense to figure shit out naturally or by researching/experimenting on my own. I have experienced some things but they were all introductions/novice experiences really. This is why I am really trying to learn and experience more hands on.

In theory, I think that in the event of an involuntary grid down, I would escape from all people, less those in my small circle, because people seem to be the most dangerous and hazardous lol...I would first establish safety for myself, somewhere in dense forest but close enough to a coastline, by building something small but functional and strong to protect me; build tools to use; source food/water, start a garden; and then a security system/contingency plan in case of emergency. I want to learn how to use solar/wind/water powered systems to sustain; I have a growing list of alkaline foods/herbs that I wish to grow and eat. I have a growing list of tiny house constructions that I am considering. I've never been fortunate enough to take scouts or do a lot of camping. Honestly, bugs and critters freak me out. But I see the importance in those skills and want to learn. I've watched my father build/fix things most of my life. Everything he learned by trial/error. He never directly educated me on those things, because I don't think he even knew the proper terms himself and was too "traditional" to teach his girls these things, but I watched him and I admire him for being resourceful and self-motivated. My step-father is less sophisticated but he is just as resourceful. I think I'm just as intuitive, but I do like to research/educate myself on common knowledge and terms also. I don't hold the establishment of education in the highest esteem but I do respect the time and research that people have done over history to realize methods and systems that were more successful than others. I don't approve of the establishment exploiting people's findings in order to make a profit, but I still value the information.

I agree that everything is a valuable lesson, both the good and the bad. I look at life this way too. I've become more cynical because of my life experiences and people tell me I have a lot of "baggage". I really despise this saying. I think this saying is cliche and not well thought out because each and everything you learn, makes you who you are and choose to be, and you carry it with you always. What's NOT good, is carrying unresolved issues or not learning from the challenges and to keep repeating the same mistakes. But every experience, in my opinion, affects a person and how they connect with others, whether its with work experience, family, friends, relationships, or whatever.

Anyway, how are you today? Me? Today is my last day with my winemaker in Pisa. Tomorrow morning I catch a train to Naples. So from 9am-9pm I will be hopping on/off trains. My travel days are really my least favored thing about backpacking. I prefer getting to and settled in my new location and getting acclimated to the new area. I put a lot of planning into my travel days to make sure I am going to the right place, catching the right trains, giving myself enough time, carrying a 50 lb backpack on my back and pulling a 60 lb roll bag in tow. It's a great workout! lol But wifi is limited and I don't speak fluent Italian so I have to be well prepared for anything. These are the days my anxiety is at its worse. But what can I say, it's all a learning experience, like I said before.

Question: do you know your personality type? www.humanmetrics.com/personality

While there are no right or wrong answers to a hypothetical question that isn't very hypothetical anymore, except the difference of what gets you killed and what keeps you alive, I would say many people would have same plan as you, theoretically.  So you may have a lot of competition for space and resources.  By no means am I the wilderness survival expert, so do not listen to me on that subject. Lol  it is still an area I am learning in myself.  I am just trying to get a sense of how you view your own ability to adapt to very frustrating  and hard circumstances.  If we were to become close companions, whether or not we see an apocalyptic event, I  have a lot of personal challenges I see often, and at times my sanity and ability to adapt  are challenged, maybe not quite that extreme, but still quite challenging.   Whomever wants to be with me long term will have to be very strong,  not just physically,  but mentally/emotionally adaptive and flexible.  But it comes with perks as I can be a loving, caring, affectionate, passionate man.  I don't pick my circle of true friends lightly.  I can be more than a handful, at times.  

Another hypothetical situation. Completely different scenario.  Say we are living together.   I will be up front and say that one of my top priorities is NOT to immediately clean up things after eating, or other activities. I prefer to relax or go do something active but relaxing. Sometimes i just prefer to go be quiet and "meditate" aka get lost in daydreaming.  In fact I kind of hate cleaning or tidying (there are some maybe autistic-ish caveats to this (no I am not autistic, but may carry some minor characteristics ). It doesn't mean that I don't clean or tidy up,  sometimes I do of my own accord and perhaps have nothing else to do or see that my mess may be building up even too much for my own liking (that paradox of who I am)  but it is not a priority,  and sometimes I purposely leave stuff out till later for a specific reason. (Just how my mind works)  I call it organized chaos.    How do you react? Do you leave it be till later allowing me to handle my own mess with no frustration on your part? Do you get annoyed but leave it be, let the frustration linger and build up till you explode at me later in a passive aggressive manner? And perhaps leave me? Do you passive aggressively get annoyed and yet decide to take it upon yourself to clean up the mess, talking under your breath or complaining out loud that i am a slob? Or pick describe your own reaction.    Be honest with me and yourself, even if you think I won't like the answer.  I may not like it, but I would respect you more, by being completely honest answering a very complex question and conflict.  My other factor is that I lay things out to see them so it will remind me later. If it is out of sight, it is out of mind.   I will admit, it can get unsightly at times.  That's usually when i get fed up with it myself and start to reorganize in my own way.  

DeeDee Anderson wrote:

Is that your official disclaimer? Lol Dude! If that's it, then I think you're ok. You sound like every man created, ever! Lol A lot of men seem to function that same way, in my experience...from my father, to my ex husband, to my son. And your hypothetical question is pretty easy for me to answer, because I have handled them all the same...horribly. lmao Most of my life I have communicated very poorly and so now I am really doing a lot of grunt work on improving my communication, with therapy, reading, courses and practice. In the past, in those types of situations, I would find myself holding it all in, with the exception of some passive aggressiveness, and just cleaning it all up until I say "this is enough" and giving an ultimatum. This is no longer how i want to communicate because 1. It doesnt work. 2. It makes me stressed and mentally depressed and just sick. And 3. There are so much better effective ways at having a relationship and working together. Honestly, i am unsettled with untidiness and disorganization because a messy environment affects me mentally. If my environment is organized, my thoughts are also organized and I'm more productive. If its disorganized I feel overwhelmed and if its dirty I feel depressed. Temporary messes are fine. Even I do that. For example, I hate laundry. Sometimes I will do laundry and keep clean clothes in a nice pile and just pull from that pile that week if I dont feel like hanging everything. Lol organized chaos is ok if I understand the system to it. But dirty, yeah, filth I cant do. But I am in the process of handling myself and situations better which is one of the reasons why I'm not in a relationship or seeking a relationship but only friendships for right now. But that is a great hypothetical question! :) As far as companionship goes, though, I am realizing that people of certain personality types tend to work better together than others because they compliment each other. The men in my life have all had a messiness to them, though, so it's not a red flag or turn off for me. I'm often the person cooking dinner and also cleaning up right after. I'm ok doing it as long as it's not expected or I'm unappreciated or disrespected. I'm just trying to learn how to better communicate myself when it gets overwhelming and to hopefully work with someone who will also consider me and that my personality type is not ok with untidiness all of the time and is willing to also make the effort to make me comfortable too because it's an equal partnership and my feelings matter.

I wont give you my disclaimer just yet or even on a public forum but trust me, I'm hard to deal with also. Lol Being messy is a cake walk in my world. Lol  whether or not we can become best friends or not...possibly work together, commune together, or whatever is left to be said....but I am enjoying our chats so far so that's cool. :)

K Cee wrote:

DeeDee Anderson wrote:
No that is maybe more partial disclaimer. Probably  not my most endearing characteristics, but  I am holding my more private information  for private conversation.  

While I don't love to do laundry, sometimes I don't mind doing it, but i do tend to get side-tracked from it. And yes, sometimes leave it in the basket like i am doing now. Lol But my approach is probably  kinda guy typical. Whites, socks and underwear, and then a load of whatever i can shove in the washer after that. Lol. On the flip side, I am willing to fix meals. I am no chef, but I make a few decent meals and every once in awhile I like to bake. I would probably do more if I had my own place set up the way that suits my needs.  I am going to be setting up twin rocket stoves made from cement blocks in the back yard  for a little off the grid cooking.   I really want to get into freeze-drying but can't afford the machine yet.  So many things to work on before i can get to my homestead.  

I probably could have used your skills and services  as a personal assistant  when I was doing massage. It is hard to wear all the hats in a business. But i probably couldn't afford to pay you either.  Is a rough business when you are a guy. Reverse gender discrimination.  I did ok for awhile but fell behind. And then shit hit the fan. Long story I will share at a later date.   That is the past and I need to focus on future. Which unfortunately I don't believe we have much of left as a species.  I just want to find my place to be happy.  That is my homestead.  But not just to have land, but be able to be myself, be creative without limits. Feed myself and others.   I  would like to have my tribe of people. Share the land. Even if we all have our own shelters.  I have my dream place in mind, but also practical places in mind.  

Our environment defines us, so that is why i want to find the homestead that fits my needs, to become

How do you react to people who are unsettled with your messiness? How do you handle those situations? I'd like to hear more about what your homestead paradise looks like and where would you like it to be located? And what motivated you to do your massage business? I definitely could have helped assist. I am pursuing a degree in business management and administration online. I'm an INTJ personality so it's just something I naturally enjoy doing. I'm not pursuing wealth but basic needs/security. I charge my clients $27/hr. But it's only parttime work for now to help with my travel expenses. If you are ever interested in my services, let me know. ;) I'm basically balancing my time between school, consulting, volunteering and traveling this year. Have you traveled much? Where have you been? Where would you like to go?

Everyone is just looking for belonging/understanding. Im looking for my tribe too but Im still refining my interests but I prefer being with very few emotionally intelligent people who work great together as a small eco- egalitarian community. I sold/donated everything and am hoping to do a work-exchange with either one or a select few of others building something out of love, which means no one is oppressed, I'm allowed to be myself, and can learn/teach to evolve as a person: body, mind, spirit. I think self-defense/self preservation is the only justifiable reason to harm another living thing. I like systems and order but not while oppressing/separating others. I believe strongly in striving for internal peace/joy and helping others to reach it also. Most of all I'm just tired of being afraid and EXHAUSTED with trying to wear an armoured mask all of the damn time. The only person in my life that I can truly be vulnerable with is my son who is 18 and is my everything. I would love for him to live off grid with me but I understand he is just beginning his life and he has his own ambitions. But I'd like to find a place/people to call home where he can join me at anytime he is ready. I'm very simple. I dont need much. I think money is a prison. I think capitalism is a prison. Gender roles are a prison. I just want to live free, find my happiness, and live in love. It sounds like cliche hippie shit lol but that's what I am looking for. I've got a lot of scars and issues myself but I'm doing the work to heal and always open to learning to be better. I'm humble enough to know that I need guidance from others and cant do it by myself...as stubborn as I am sometimes. A lot of people think I'm "crazy" but I accept that I just dont fit in the ways people are accustomed to and I dont want to anymore. So, yeah, i am looking for my tribe too. :) What does your family think about your ambitions?

You kind of ignored/or didnt see my question about your personality type. It may sound like a silly request but I'd really like to learn where you fall on Carl Jung's spectrum. Emotional intelligence is becoming a more popular study and I think may play a key role in the next steps of social evolution.

DeeDee Anderson wrote:


How do you react to people who are unsettled with your messiness?
How do you handle those situations?

DeeDee Anderson wrote:

I'd like to hear more about what your homestead paradise looks like and where would you like it to be located? And what motivated you to do your massage business? I definitely could have helped assist. I am pursuing a degree in business management and administration online. I'm an INTJ personality so it's just something I naturally enjoy doing. I'm not pursuing wealth but basic needs/security. I charge my clients $27/hr. But it's only parttime work for now to help with my travel expenses. If you are ever interested in my services, let me know. ;) I'm basically balancing my time between school, consulting, volunteering and traveling this year. Have you traveled much? Where have you been? Where would you like to go?

DeeDee Anderson wrote:

Everyone is just looking for belonging/understanding. Im looking for my tribe too but Im still refining my interests but I prefer being with very few emotionally intelligent people who work great together as a small eco- egalitarian community. I sold/donated everything and am hoping to do a work-exchange with either one or a select few of others building something out of love, which means no one is oppressed, I'm allowed to be myself, and can learn/teach to evolve as a person: body, mind, spirit. I think self-defense/self preservation is the only justifiable reason to harm another living thing. I like systems and order but not while oppressing/separating others. I believe strongly in striving for internal peace/joy and helping others to reach it also. Most of all I'm just tired of being afraid and EXHAUSTED with trying to wear an armoured mask all of the damn time. The only person in my life that I can truly be vulnerable with is my son who is 18 and is my everything. I would love for him to live off grid with me but I understand he is just beginning his life and he has his own ambitions. But I'd like to find a place/people to call home where he can join me at anytime he is ready. I'm very simple. I dont need much. I think money is a prison. I think capitalism is a prison. Gender roles are a prison. I just want to live free, find my happiness, and live in love. It sounds like cliche hippie shit lol but that's what I am looking for. I've got a lot of scars and issues myself but I'm doing the work to heal and always open to learning to be better. I'm humble enough to know that I need guidance from others and cant do it by myself...as stubborn as I am sometimes. A lot of people think I'm "crazy" but I accept that I just dont fit in the ways people are accustomed to and I dont want to anymore. So, yeah, i am looking for my tribe too. :) What does your family think about your ambitions?

You kind of ignored/or didnt see my question about your personality type. It may sound like a silly request but I'd really like to learn where you fall on Carl Jung's spectrum. Emotional intelligence is becoming a more popular study and I think may play a key role in the next steps of social evolution.

DeeDee Anderson wrote:Thanks for your responses, although incomplete. I apologize for the delayed message but I have had trouble accessing wifi at my new location/hotel. I'm in the countryside 45 minutes from Pisa. It's very beautiful here but I have not had wifi which has been a pain in the arse...not to mention I have been dealing with a very difficult, emotionally immature and high-strung girl who has been testing my patience since I arrived, making everything so complicated. And then I was able to go into town and get a new sim card and I read your messages. I enjoy learning about you and I see where we have common ideas and interests but I also notice where we have differences. Or maybe I'm just not in the right head space right now because of an argument that happened earlier between the young girl and I. I normally say nothing and just suffer in silence but I am pretty proud of myself for sticking up for myself earlier with her but it just reinforces that I am pretty sure I do not want negative energy or drama in my life. I cannot function well with high-strung, entitled, self-centered people like her. I am always willing to bend and be flexible for others but am no longer willing to invest too much in others who can't reciprocate. Time is an invaluable commodity. Where I decide to spend it is precious to me. I hope you are well.

DeeDee Anderson wrote:Good morning from Napoli, Italy. I hope that your weekend was good. Mine was pretty good with the exception of an argument with an Argentenian woman who has the emotional intelligence of a chimpanzee. That was pretty exhausting but I did a few cool things as well so it was a great weekend.