Mother of Pearl

The staff calls my mom Mother of Pearl, it's a good name for her, mother of pearl is smooth and elegant and has many beautiful colors to it.
Today is January 9, 2026. It's the one year anniversary of the day I watched mom have a stroke at the breakfast table, that resulted in her death Nov 7, 2025.
Tomorrow is her memorial service in another state, I am not going, for many reasons. I'll watch it on my computer.

I lost my housemate, my best friend, the person I talk to all day, the person I work with well, the person who I share all the weird beliefs and theories that pattern my life with. As well as the only housemate I ever really enjoyed living with, the person who adored my cooking, the person who plays silly games and bad jokes with me. And don't forget my partner in long term projects, who understands WHY they are our goals, why they aren't being done "normal," and why I do all the weird shit I do that makes no sense to anyone else.

I'm having to rebuild my whole life.

I sent something to be read at her memorial:

Mom was the most influential person in my life. There's a point in your life when you realize you will end up a lot like your mom, and I said "Cool! I HOPE I can be that neat!" I'm honored to have had her in my life.

In the obituary it said she was always handing you a book and telling you to read it, I got handed a LOT of them from an early age, then I started I handing a lot of them to her. We learned a lot together, it was always 50-50 who sent us both in a new direction of something new to learn and debate and learn more about.

Her sense of humor has always been fun. When I was in a bad car wreck and was laying in an emergency room bleeding, after everything we had to talk about had been said, what do you say to your kid laying there? She made me laugh, so I wouldn't cry. She said "I hope you were wearing clean underwear!!" In the house here I'd be working on something and she'd start screaming "PEARL! PEARL! COME HERE! QUICK QUICK QUICK!!" I'd run to where she was and hear something like "Look! There's a moth in my bedroom!" And then she'd start laughing :D

Whether we were apart for three days or three months when we met back up, it was always the same routine. We'd sit down with tea and snacks and tell each other what we had been doing, all the stories, and laugh ourselves silly. I expect that when I die, we will do the exact same thing, and laugh about it, just like we always have. Until then I will miss you every day, mom, and I'm saving up lots of silly stories for you, hope you are doing the same! Like you for always and love you forever.

Keep us both in your prayers.

Praying for you both as requested.  Such a challenging time and there aren't any words that ccan fix it.  But sending strength and kindness.  I remember your post last year in winter telling us she was on the mend and I'd hoped you'd have more time together.

Dear Pearl,

I am so sorry to hear about your wonderful mother--she sounds like someone we would have all liked to know! I just prayed for you, as requested, asking that the God of all comfort would comfort you in your pain and be near to you in the days ahead.

Thank you for sharing with us so vulnerably and giving us a glimpse of what it means to be a good mom.

Xoxo,
Kay Swartz

Praying, dear Pearl.  <3