I need a permaculture article fact checked

I'm trying to get this published in a rather nerdy... erm... E-newspaper. It needs polishing but here's the first draft.


****
What is permaculture?
To most people permaculture is a word I just made up. To others its hippy-dippy timey-whimey custard and baloney. But to those in the know -its our future. To me, a nerd, it's science!

I'll save you all the history lesson and jump right in. Permaculture is quite simply permanent-culture. Let me elaborate. Instead of getting our food from agriculture, a mostly destructive and polluting system we get it from permaculture system. Permaculturalists build diverse thriving ecosystems that feed people, with minimal input once established. These systems are called food forests, and as their name suggests they are literally forests full of food.

But how?
Black magic. No but seriously, its science you guys. There just aren't many lab coats. The plants, animals, and insects are observed both in nature and in the food forests. Patterns are found and then attempts are made to repeat them. Eventually through trial and error plant guilds are established. A plant guild is a group of plants that work well together.

Lets try shall we...
You have an apple tree surrounded by grass. You get rid of the grass and replace it with cloves and nasturtiums. The cloves provide the tree with extra nitrogen and the nasturtiums keep away some of the bug. Next you plant a ring of chives and garlic. They keep away even more bugs and make it life difficult for the grass to come back. The tree's looking happier. Then your friend tells you raspberries grown near an apple tree taste great. You plant some, they do. Then in go a few herbs. The garden looks a bit dull during winter, so in go some snow pears.

You started with grass that needed mowing and a few apples a year. Now you've got baskets of apples, a bounty of herbs, pounds of garlic, fresh snow pears and the best raspberries you've ever tasted. You barely have to lift a finger and the bees love you for it. All thanks to the science of permaculture.
*****

It's late. So i assume there are grammar errors. But does the general idea sound right?
Please nit-pick away. I'd love to know how you'd improve it.



p.s. sorry to the admin if this was the wrong spot. but this seemed the most likely sub-forum

"These systems are called food forests, and as their name suggests they are literally forests full of food."

Not all permaculture designs are food forests, I think that needs to be given as an example rather than as something defining permaculture.

Black magic. No but seriously, its science you guys. There just aren't many lab coats. The plants, animals, and insects are observed both in nature and in the food forests. Patterns are found and then attempts are made to repeat them. Eventually through trial and error plant guilds are established. A plant guild is a group of plants that work well together.

I'd take out the word black (too confusing and creates a disconjuncted negative image that doesn't get dispelled easily). I don't believe that permaculture is primarily trial and error. It's a design science, the purpose of which is to circumvent trial and error (not that experimentation isn't part of the process, but the design aspect is what separates pc out from just trying things out).

I like the guild example. Do cloves fix nitrogen though? I'd add in something about plants that attract beneficial insects (like to get that message out there as much as possible).


Otherwise, I like your approach

Yeah what rose said, and also in the 4th section where you say, make it life harder. It could be clearer in that sentence.

i see i see. CLOVER... I meant CLOVER. oops. seriously it was getting passed midnight at that point.
I wanted to point in beneficial insects part, but it really did seem a bit to complex for such a sort article.
I think i'll keep the black magic part. cos jokes are fun. but i can definitely reword the trial and error thing.
-i need to reduce the word count any way
true, food forests aren't the only systems. rewording to the rescue
I agree I should be nicer to the grass

i'll put up the second draft when i'm done

Jason Machin wrote:The garden looks a bit dull during winter, so in go some snow pears.

That sounds like an interesting species! Any idea where I can acquire seeds?

hahahaa... god damn it. i meant snow peas. hahahah
thanks foor finding that one for me

ok draft #2. now i only need to lose 80 words. never been good at trimming.

What is permaculture?
To most people permaculture is a word I just made up. To others its hippy-dippy timey-whimey custard and baloney. But to those in the know -its our future. To me, a nerd, it's science!

I'll save you all the history lesson and jump right in. Permaculture is quite simply permanent-culture. Instead of getting our food from agriculture, a mostly destructive and polluting system we get it from permaculture system. Permaculturalists build diverse thriving ecosystems that feed people, with minimal input once established. We can make literal food forests.

But how?
Black magic. No but seriously, its science guys. There just aren't many lab coats. The plants, animals, and insects are observed both in nature and in the food forests. Patterns are found and then attempts are made to repeat them. With a little smarts, experimenting, and even more observation plant guilds are established. A plant guild is a group of plants that work well together.

Lets try shall we...
You have an apple tree surrounded by grass. You get rid of the grass and replace it with clover and nasturtiums. The clover provide the tree with extra nitrogen and the nasturtiums keep away some of the bug. Next you plant a ring of chives and garlic. They keep away even more bugs and make a barrier against the grass. The tree's looking happier. Then your friend tells you raspberries grown near an apple tree taste great. You plant some, they do. Then in go a few herbs. Last but not least you add some snow peas, which use the apple tree as a trellis during winter and also add nitrogen.

You started with grass that needed mowing and a few apples a year. Now you've got baskets of apples, a bounty of herbs, pounds of garlic, fresh snow peas and the best raspberries you've ever tasted. You barely have to lift a finger and the bees love you for it. All thanks to the science of permaculture.



....how you all like it?

Let's have a try...

What is permaculture?

Is it a word I just made up?

To some its hippy-dippy timey-whimey custard and baloney. But to those in the know - its our future. To me, a nerd, it's science!

Permaculture is quite simply permanent-culture. Instead of getting our food from agriculture, a mostly destructive and polluting system, we get it from a permaculture system. Permaculturalists build diverse thriving ecosystems that feed people, with minimal input once established. We can make literal food forests.

But how?
Black magic? No, seriously, its science guys. There just aren't many lab coats. Plants, animals, and insects are observed in nature. Patterns are found and then attempts are made to repeat them. With a little smarts, experimenting, and even more observation, plant guilds consisting of a group of plants that work well together are established.

Lets try shall we

You have an apple tree surrounded by grass. You get rid of the grass and replace it with clover and nasturtiums. The clover provides the tree with extra nitrogen while the nasturtiums keep away some of the bugs. Next you plant a ring of chives and garlic. They keep away even more bugs and make a barrier against the grass. The tree's looking happier. Then your friend tells you raspberries grown near an apple tree taste great. You plant some, they do. Then in go a few herbs. Last but not least you add some snow peas, which use the apple tree as a trellis during winter and also add nitrogen.

You started with grass that needed mowing and a few apples a year. Now you've got baskets of apples, a bounty of herbs, pounds of garlic, fresh snow peas and the best raspberries you've ever tasted. You barely have to lift a finger and the bees love you for it. All thanks to the science of permaculture.

That's taken it from 330 words to 308.

I'll try again. Back in a minute...

How about this?

254 words. I had to hack it about a bit...

What is permaculture?

To those in the know - its our future. To me, it's science!

Permaculture is simply permanent-culture. Agriculture is a mostly destructive and polluting system, so instead we design a diverse thriving eco-system that feeds people with minimal input . We can design literal food forests.

But how?

Black magic?

No, its science guys. Plants, animals, and insects are observed in nature and we their mimic their patterns of interactions to help us design our system. Plant guilds consisting of a group of plants that work well together are established.

Lets try shall we.

You have an apple tree surrounded by grass. You replace the grass with clover, which provides the tree with extra nitrogen, and nasturtiums, which keep away some of the bugs. Next you plant a ring of chives and garlic. They keep away even more bugs and make a barrier against the grass. The tree's looking happier. Then you plant raspberries near the apple tree, and find that it makes them taste great. Then in go a few herbs. Last but not least you add some snow peas, which use the apple tree as a trellis during winter while adding nitrogen.

You started with grass that needed mowing and a few apples a year. Now you have baskets of apples, a bounty of herbs, pounds of garlic, fresh snow peas and the best raspberries you've ever tasted. You barely have to lift a finger and the bees love you for it.

All thanks to the science of permaculture.

"hippy-dippy timey-whimey custard and baloney"


after the word hippy, this phrase conveys nothing to me. It could be much shorter or omitted entirely. If there is some other essential thought in there, it could be phrased in a better way. Perhaps, hippy/mother earth/love commune. I don't know, that's the problem.


And I would change "guys" to people, because presumably you want women too.

wow burra that pretty damn good.
troy its a doctor who reference

Glad you like it Jason.

I'm curious though. What is the e-magazine you are writing for? And why the tight word limit?

its a start up
the thing

and 250 word count was for test articles.

Taking permaculture to Dr Who fans, I like it!