Hi, I have a different take on the matter. My thoughts are scattered so I hope they help. First, my wife and I are in the winter of our lives. We were married when we were young. (OK this is the hard part as it could be considered cider press but I'm trying to not make it that. Yet I am talking life issues here and therefore everything in life needs to be addressed.) I am trying to connect your life with mine and show you another path. First I believe you said you were a Christian in another thread somewhere. If so what is the most important commandment and the second most important commandment. This is the foundation on what my wife and I try to live by every day in our lives. As we aged we grew closer together because of this, and because of another thing. In our marriage vows I pledged to love her as Christ loved the church. This means that I love her sacrificially. When I can live live like that- whether my wife agrees with me about my projects or not - and she wants me to do something that has no bearing on the getting the food and house in order so we can live stuff, and I sacrifice for her, then I am at rest even though I literally have over 50 projects to do before the snow flies. When I can truly love her, then everything works out even when it doesn't. I always try to keep things in perspective. Is my project in the desperate OMG it neds to be done this second or we are going to die? Or do I do put it off for her, and maybe am uncomfortable or I have a bit of a harder time doing it. The first time I put her before me she cried for days because she couldn't believe someone would love her that much. (So where is your perspective? Will you die without the stove or will life just not be as comfortable as you want for a bit.)
OK - Things that have helped my wife and I in our living and growing together. Every morning we kiss each other and look deeply in each others eyes and say I love you. Then in the back of our mind all day that is there. When we were young we always talked about everything. The more we talked and held hands, had the effect of us growing together and we became one. (Brody you said you could live alone. If you truly want her then you two must become one.) Another thing we did and still do. Once each week my wife and I go out on a date. (No not a pretentious fancy eating joint, just something we both like to do.) Or sometimes I just watch the love story hallmark movie with her because she would really want to do that. I learned to give her what she needs, and yes she has learned to give me my needs. If the two of you cannot do that then one is master and the other is slave. Not a good place to be. Always remember perspective and focus. Draw back and see a bigger picture.
A big big thing. 60% of people who split up is because of money. You referenced money. Do you truly do not have enough to live on. Are you starving? Where is your perspective. Are you afraid that if the (SHTF) you will not be ready? Honestly I went through a phase like that and I was never ready. On top of all that not being ready, having to show my wife we could not afford something was ... But by working through it we either find a way to do something or I dump some "Special Project I want to do" so I can provide it.
Logical progression of projects discussed and mapped so we both understand it. Example - Paint the bedroom. Have to remove all furniture from a 2nd room and store it, move all furniture from bedroom to 2nd room for living while painting. Problem - storage. There is literally no storage room currently because of structural problems that happened with the home, Solution. The house is jacked and a beam is in place. Finish drywall and painting and shelving in basement and organizing and putting everything away to make space for furniture. Other problems got in the way of that, doctors and illness, having to do everything and be a caretaker on top of everything. Solution - lots of talking and hugging.
Time constraints. Problem - not enough hours in the day. Solution, reprioritize projects and spend time with my wife. If it takes 2 years to finish something instead of 2 days' so I can spend time with her, it is worth it. I will not die if the project is not done, and I don't think you would either. Where is your perspective? Remember, what we focus on expands and can take up our whole vision.
My wife and I have lived together for a long time and I am still learning how to scacrifice for her.