Alone Like Me, m4w

At the risk of sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to be blunt and brutally honest. Yes, I want to live a permaculture lifestyle, grow my own food and be off grid. I've already been living like this for ten years. I'm just tired of doing it solo. I move from place to place finding work mostly on farms and fishing boats, but the loneliness eventually kicks in and I pack up and try life somewhere else. Guess that's not very permanent. I can find work anywhere. Never been fired. I can fix anything and build anything, but what's the point if it's going to keep me living a solitary existence.

I don't come from a close family and I couldn't see the point in joining the rat race, but I don't belong with the trust-funders preaching about saving the world either. I have to work to exist. Talk is cheap and it still cost money to live outside the box. I'm not much of a drinker and I've never done drugs. I don't even puf. Maybe I should, haha. Got nothing against it. It's just not my thing. If I have a beer, one is my limit. I have no deep dark secrets other than being an old fart. Never been married, no kids. Not poly. Not vaxxed. I've just slipped through the cracks. Maybe I'm too independent. I don't need anyone's approval, but I still want to find someone to care about. Remaining loyal to someone I haven't met yet has its drawbacks.

If you come from a big family or even a small close one, I'm very happy for you. Seriously. You're lucky. Unfortunately, I don't think we'd be a good match. I'm looking for someone who knows what it's like to be on their own. There's just things that only a person who's been through it will understand. That being said, I'm not looking for drama or baggage and I'm not a negative person. I don't sit around complaining about how messed up the world is. I've tried to live my life to the fullest and in the most positive way possible. I'm just done doing it by myself. This is not how I'm supposed to live, but I guess I'm not good at being fake so I chose this path. I'm just wondering if there's a different way.  

I'd like to start a family someday and live off the land, but I know this takes a village to do it right so until I find mine I just wanted to let Her know that I'm out here and haven't given up. She is what keeps me going. When faced with a problem, I ask myself what would I want to tell Her I did in the situation and that's how I find the answer because I want Her to be proud of me and be able to trust me.

Real love doesn't come from movies, books or songs. It's what inspires these things. Love isn't only for the rich, the famous or the beautiful. It's for those who know what it's like to work to become a better person and who know what it's like to not have everything they need. If things come too easy, we'll never know how lucky we are and won't be willing to do whatever we have to in order to protect our hearts when times are hard. I believe true love is waiting for anyone willing to do the work on themselves. That's the beauty of it. The playing field can always be leveled by anyone willing to invest in what they say with what they do, but I know it's not easy. I'm not perfect and have made plenty of mistakes. Those who hold themselves accountable are the truly beautiful to me and it takes one to know one. Anyone can be "in love". All you have to do is be at the right place at the right time and sparks will fly if there is physical attraction, but love is not just a thing you find. It's an ability and you can't give it if you don't have it. It's a replenishable resource for those willing to apply to it the values they already try to live by.

Most people won't agree with this or even understand it, but I know She will. This is why I'm writing it down. This is a message in a bottle in a sea of opinions. I've been like a bird doing a special dance that only one other bird will recognize. I'd like to think there are others who believe in something similar and, if there are, they deserve love, too. Their saving grace is even though they've experienced the real world, this hasn't come at the price of their faith in staying true to their heart. Maybe we all have one common denominator and that is we all know how hard life can be. Anyone can look good or act good when life is easy. It's when life gets real that it's time to show people who you are as a person and let your true colors show. This is for those who will never let their hope turn into cynicism and they come in all shapes and sizes, but my arms are a certain form and only one will fit in them perfectly. My eyes are a certain color and will reflect the same light as yours and most of all my spirit is of a certain nature that when it meets yours will know it is home.

I know this is all just a bunch of words on a screen that don't amount to anything if who I am and how I live don't back them up, but I promise you they do and when we find each other, you can laugh all you want at the crazy things I've done that only you would understand because you're the same kind of person who does the right thing even when no one else is looking. You're the kind of person who doesn't try to use how she looks to take the easy way out because how you feel on the inside is more important, and even more beautiful to me. You will laugh at me when I'm taking life too seriously like right now. You will tolerate me when I'm being wild and adventurous because you know if you need me to I will drop it all in an instant to be there for you. You will know it's possible that I am who I say I am because you try just as hard to be who you are. Though I've tried to fit in, I always end up going my own way. The only place I truly fit is with you. If I am standing in a crowd, it's harder for me to see you and for you to see me. I don't want to seem rude or anti-social, but I will leave and go somewhere quiet. Maybe you will already be there waiting for me, maybe you will follow after me. Maybe we'll arrive at the same time. It doesn't matter just as long as we know where to go in order to find each other. I will be patient. I won't let my mind jump to conclusions. I will hold strong to my heart and listen for you. It doesn't matter where I am, now. I can go anywhere. I'll be packing up and hitting the road soon.

It seems a little silly trying to find you this way. I've been stubborn to use the online thing. I wanted us to meet the old fashioned way, in person, but these aren't old fashioned times and I'm trying not to be my own worse enemy. In a perfect world, my tribe would talk to your tribe and say "Hey, we've got a guy that your girl might really like. We should get them to meet somehow and see what happens." But, I don't have a tribe. Like most people, especially those who travel a lot, I've got the semblance of one scattered all over the country who I don't talk to or see enough. We can go back to old fashioned ways once we find each other if you want. Anyone looking to rush into things is not for me. Often times it's our restless minds that bring us here, not our patient hearts. The internet is the land of instant gratification, but there are no quick fixes in finding one's soulmate. I've waited my whole life to find Her. I can wait a little longer, but knowing someone like you or someone like me exists means the world to people like us. That's a win, regardless. Learning whether two people are truly compatible takes time, down time, not emails or texting. I suppose they still have to find each other, first. Sorry it's taken me so long to write this. I wasn't planning on this turning into a novel. Guess I just felt like howling at the moon, tonight. I have no problem exchanging pics or personal info. I'm just not going to broadcast it online. Hope you're doing ok.

Hi there, would you like to chat and see where things lead. I read what you wrote, it’s raw and honest which is refreshing. If not thats okay too 🙂

Thanks Qu, it was like the online version of the walk of shame the next morning after posting this, but I'm glad you thought it was refreshing. What did you want to "chat" about?

hi john, you sound alot like my lifestyle now, my name is alexandria or blue. i live and work temporarily on a farm in fortuna, ca and this permie.con for people with homesteads looking for good people, service to humanity and caretakers of our beautiful planet.  😁

Hi Alexandria,
Thanks for your message. Fortuna's a nice area. Lots of farms up there. I worked at Warren Creek Farm in Arcata and at Ace in the Hole in Myers Flat. Good luck in your travels and be safe.

nay it was the only option I had at the time, was living in my truck with a cat and my pup and asking daily from local farmers if anyone was looking for someone to live and work on a farm, my mistake was i trust others too much, helped stabilize my situation, still looking for my tribe and soul mate and a community that help one another not take advantage of, if you would like to talk this is my text now # 707 741 6061

Merry Christmas everyone. Let the Island of Misfit Toys keep rocking on!

John O'Connell wrote:Merry Christmas everyone. Let the Island of Misfit Toys keep rocking on!

Hello ,Happy New Year,still looking for someone?

Hello John and Happy New year!  I just read your post, and it was like reading one of my journal pages. You sound like you know what you're looking for and I believe she's out there!  I feel similar, in that you will recognize one another in that moment, as well.

Happy New Year to you, too.

That's nice to know, Meggan, but, at least, you're smart enough to not post your journal pages online for the whole world to see, haha (I wish the whole world were permies). I'd like to believe there is someone out there for everyone. Maybe the best way to find my way into the right woman's heart was to first find my way out of my own. All the best to everyone in 2025.

Hi John, I loved what you wrote.  Especially meaningful to me was the part about the tribe and how you suggest that in a perfect community no one would need to be without a mate because no one would be alone in their search.  This is exactly how I feel, and it's the kind of reality I want to create.  If we want it, if society needs it, we have to make it happen, knowing that is right is always assisted by heaven.   I also come from a family that I love, but never fit in.  My ultimate goal is to start a utopian type community where the sense of family is strong and everyone pulls together as one.  The community would be similar to The Farm in my homestate of Tennessee, except the governing laws would be Design Laws, simply the moral laws built into the universe which are as inviolable as physical laws.  I have done a lot of work on the idea.  It seems you would be a great fit for such a community/family.  Please let me know your thoughts.

As for love, I'm looking for what you describe.  I'm looking for a man who will know me instantly as his mate.  I actually had a dream about a week ago that I was traveling and got lost.  I found myself in a utopian community surrounded by people connected by an indescribable love and peace.  A man came up to me, wrapped his arms around me loosely, and looking toward members of his community/family exclaimed joyfully, "I found my mate!  I found my mate."  It was a beautiful dream.  Later, we were all walking through a beautiful meadow praising our Father in heaven.

John, I wish you all the best in your journey.

Blessings,
Deborah

   

Hello Deborah,

I enjoyed reading your post. It was well-written and insightful.

Yes, it takes a village. We all have undeniable needs in addition to food, water and shelter. I believe community is one of these needs as well as healthy forms of male and female energy. A guy needs guy friends and he, also, needs what only a woman can provide, but if he hasn't found the right woman, he still needs other non-romantic versions of female energy that a tribe or community provides. This is probably why I spend so much time outdoors. Mother Nature is another healthy form of this energy. I believe the same is true for a woman if she hasn't found the right man. When an individual is receiving these basic social needs, there is much less emphasis on the urgency to find a romantic partner which allows it to happen more naturally when it does. Love is not a game of musical chairs. Everyone stand up.

As stubbornly idealistic as I am, words like "perfect" and "utopia" are just ideas to me and ideas are only 25% (if not, less) of actually creating something. Lots of people have ideas. The internet is a virtual world based on them, but then comes reality, resources and action. This is the other 75%. All that aside, I still commend you on your vision. Family, biological or not, is what it's all about.  

I've been to the Farm a couple times and it's impressive what they've done and how long they've been around. Just to be upfront, my relationship with something greater than myself is very important to me and I maintain it daily, but I'm not a religious person.

Thank you, again, for your inspiring post. I wish you all the best on your journey as well.

If you'd like to talk more about the kind of community that you'd like to create, I'd be interested in hearing what type of work you've done towards this goal. Maybe we could exchange email addresses. I finished up the season on a farm in Maine and I'm presently heading southwest. My general destination is New Mexico, but I'm not in any hurry. I'll most likely be rolling through Kentucky/Tennessee tomorrow.

Best of luck, John!

Your post made me think of Mandolin Orange, and this song in particular.
May you find all that you are longing for.
Howl on!

Thanks Kate. Wow, that's a great one. Love it. I see your song about wolves and I raise you a song about the ocean. "Leave It By the Sea" by William Prince, a Canadian Native American singer-songwriter.

I love it, thanks!
William Prince has such an incredible voice.
Listened to his NPR Tiny Desk Concert during the pandemic, but kind of lost track of him since then.
Also, I work in a harbor, so very on theme.
You've inspired me to look him up, and it turns out he's going to be playing at Merlefest in April. I'm going to try to be in that general area for a cob course the week after, so now I might go volunteer at Merlefest to see both William Prince AND Mandolin Orange, aka Watchhouse. So many good musicians at that festival!

Speaking of incredible voices, I was watching the show Justified and found the little known Lynda Kay through a bar scene in it. She's a contralto with a very distinctive style, which stays with you. I think it was Jack and Coke in the series, but here's her Dream my Darling.

Peace and dreams to all, /K

John O'Connell wrote:Thanks Kate. Wow, that's a great one. Love it. I see your song about wolves and I raise you a song about the ocean. "Leave It By the Sea" by William Prince, a Canadian Native American singer-songwriter.

I'm glad. Have fun at Merlfest and the cob course.

Hello John,

What you wrote really resonated with me. I too am looking for my person. I am the eternal optimist who says "at least its not lava" when the sky is falling. I am everywhere (in my head) at once but still stay grounded in who I am. But as time speeds up as I get older the more I've come to realize that my person is not out there. To find my person would be like finding the winning lottery ticket in a rigged game. What I am looking for in a person is incredibly niche and next to impossible to find in a world full of sheeple. I have also been a loner ever since I can remember and have found myself often wandering in the woods and talking to trees. Yes, I am a sort of a hybrid hippy who has a day job in town but find my freedom in my backyard. I live in a state full of reds and some blues but find I don't fit in any group nor have any inclination to join an organized religion. The trees are my church and as long as I treat everyone and everything with respect then I think I'm doing ok.

I started this journey in 2013 after watching the movie the Hobbit and since then I have embarked on this path that has made complete sense by forming a synergy of all my experiences from growing up on a farm to living on the side of a volcano in a third world country to being a lover of history. I am an old soul and prefer the simple life yet I am a recovering mainstreamer. I admit fault where I am wrong and am constantly growing and embracing and modifying my challenges. I live off grid on 20 acres and still building up my paradise where I can teach others how to live off grid and build with cob. A lot of what I learned came from constantly eating up information from others and figuring it out on my own. I come from a big family but only converse with one brother (who has his own life and family) who has helped me but the off grid life has been very lonely. I wasn't going to wait on my "knight in shining armor" to rescue me and live off grid. I was determined to live my dream no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears were shed. And plenty have been shed. Although I may not fit what you are looking for because of having my brother and not interested in having kids, (mine is grown and out of the house) but I wanted to reach out and say I understand and can commiserate in the beast of what is loneliness. It sucks being down with the flu but no one else is going to bring in the fire wood. It sucks when I'm not mechanically inclined but yet have to find a way to fix my equipment. It sucks when I don't have the "man power" to lift something up or twist something off but yet I give it my all and its by my sheer stubbornness to life this lifestyle. But I don't regret one second, even if I have to do it alone.

So I wanted to say, don't lose hope, you will find her. If not we can make an agreement that when we are 80 years old, we can get married and gripe at each other even though we are hard of hearing. lol

Looks like I'm not the only one who needs to howl at the moon once in a while. Thanks for sharing everything you wrote, Diane.

I've been trying to pull off the strong silent type look. The plan was to uncharacteristically bare my soul then walk off into the sunset in a mic drop kind of a moment, but it's not working. My conscience keeps getting the best of me when I read someone else's post and I have to respond. I guess I didn't think this thing through all the way. I'm not very experienced with forums. The unexpected gift is that I'm very thankful other wolves are using it as a platform to bare a little of themselves. The sound travels and I hear you. It helps. I hope it helps others. There's plenty of hours in the day and miles on the road to be strong and silent.

Five houses all in a row on a suburban street have 5 lawn mowers in their garages. None of them are being used right now, but everyone still needs their own. Is this progress and the purpose of an advanced civilization? I admire you for taking the bull by the horns and creating your off the grid haven even if there are moments when you're confronted with something that you can't do alone. I know the feeling and I hate asking for help. Sometimes I think because I'm good at figuring out how to get something done by myself it keeps me in this confinement. If I couldn't do it, I'd have no choice. It's uncomfortable, but I'm forcing myself to visit more communities (and write sappy confessions in online forums).

I wish you didn't have to do it all alone. We're not wired to live these solitary lives that often feel like silent solitary battles. Is it our own stubbornness or pride keeping us living them or the dream of holding out for perfect. I know perfect doesn't exist, but I guess I believe a perfect match can even with all our faults and imperfections. In the meantime, I'm busy working, growing and learning to be the best person I can be in case at the right time at the right place lightening strikes. Luck is when opportunity meets preparation. It's good to know that there are others doing the same. I like your levity regarding the matter, but I won't make it to 80. Appreciate the offer though. Keep on keeping on.

Dito.

Hi John,

I loved what you wrote and I believe your words have an energy which will bring your love to you or you to her. It's very endearing that you wanted it to be a mic drop because it's also very vulnerable, like, "so I bared my soul, so there!". I really feel that and it made me laugh. Your courage and hope are inspiring.  It's only a sign that we are living in dehumanizing times that you would feel shame, the morning after. I would like to live in a world where we encourage each other to be real and to feel proud when we are.

I am also on a path of longing and readying for love and also for a tribe. I have thought long and hard about it all and I've jumped into the ring several times. I'm a bit battered, but I'm proud to say I'm still learning, growing and going. Loving is easy for me, except the part that calls for me to allow love in. I'm still working on that one. I have learned that expectations should be about feeling, not about anything or anyone looking any particular way. Sure, that physical spark is needed. However, I'm finding that I can become attracted to someone that I wasn't initially attracted to.

I've described elsewhere on permies, what I'm up to, which is creating a community where people support each other in the way you describe. I think that there are more and more people who are looking to leave the rat race and I hope to attract people, couples and families who want to be the "village to raise a child". As well as the village that supports healthy romantic relationships and compassionate friendships.  

Anyway, I enjoyed this lovely thread you sparked. Many blessings to you, John and I see you finding the love of your life!
Eve

Thank you Eve. Stay warm in VT. Wait, how did I know you live in Vermont?

"Like most people, especially those who travel a lot, I've got the semblance of a tribe scattered all over the country who I don't talk to or see enough."

Sorry that I didn't call you, yesterday, haha. Reception is minimal out here in the desert. I'll probably be heading back to New England to get my tiny house in the spring or summer. I'll try to get up to "The Jubilee" for a visit when I do. Who knows, maybe I won't be alone;) Keep growing and sowing, sista from another mista.

Ugh, the online thing is so weird, but even though we're already friends and texted earlier today, everything you wrote deserves more than a smug, wise-ass response. Thank you for what you shared. It has energy, too. We're all learning at different speeds, on different paths and in a different order, but those still trying without judgment or negativity are the true pathfinders. Keep up the good work, my friend.

John O'Connell wrote:Ugh, the online thing is so weird, but even though we're already friends and texted earlier today, everything you wrote deserves more than a smug, wise-ass response. Thank you for what you shared. It has energy, too. We're all learning at different speeds, on different paths and in a different order, but those still trying without judgment or negativity are the true pathfinders. Keep up the good work, my friend.

Thanks, my friend! You brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for seeing me. <3