Susan Monroe wrote:
"Do they learn by hitting themselves or are they told that? Can common sense be learned, or is it in our genes? Common sense DNA? "Most people have to hit themselves to learn, because telling some people is wasted effort. Can common sense be learned? That is one fascinating question, isn't it?!!!
To some extent, it must depend on the person. My father used to say to me, "Are you going to listen to me or do you have to learn it the HARD way?" He would refer to that sort of learning as the "College of Hard Knocks" (i.e. getting hit to figure out it hurts, etc.), said he'd graduated from that "college". I listened to him sometimes, but still made my own mistakes. Guess it was some of both.
Over the years, many people have told me I have good common sense. How did I get it? Maybe some gene was passed down, but I think it's in part to how I was raised. Being in Scouts gave me common sense about many things. I was lucky, our troop leaders had a lot of common sense. Unforunately, I doubt that the Girl Scouts of today is much like what I experienced in the late 60's & early 70's. Lawyers & lawsuits have changed a lot!
Early on, I also learned some UN-common sense from those who raised me, simply by seeing their reactions to things. i.e. Most of my childhood & even into my early 20's, I was fearful of spiders. Not quite as irrational as my older sister, who'd scream at the top of her lungs whenever she saw a spider & of course someone would kill it. My dad wasn't real keen about them either, but at least he didn't scream like a girl. I'm now convinced most of my spider fear was created by them, thru the spider "education" they gave me.
Flash forward to 1987 & life with my husband, the spider rescuer. The only spiders he'll kill are Black Widow or Brown Recluse. All others would get scooped up & put outside. This amazed & educated me!
I was really in for some learning when we "inherited" a Red-Kneed Tarantula. My husband's sister died & we took in her tarantula. That spider lived with us for more than a decade. She was close to 30 when she died. We still have her, preserved in plastic. My education came full circle when she died as I was the one who decided she should be preserved (husband was at work) & I gingerly put her on a balled up piece of paper & spread her legs around it so they wouldn't curl up underneath her, as all dead spiders do when they aren't squashed to death. That was a challenge, as I wasn't 100% sure she was really dead.
I'm grateful for my spider re-education. Especially while gardening, working in my garage, etc.
My spider i.d. skills are really good & I don't freak out when I see Wolf spiders or those black & white jumping spiders that everybody (uneducated) mistakes for black widow spiders. I can remember working at a riding stable & hearing some girl screeching about the spider on the metal gate. Of course it was a jumping spider & I chased it away so it wouldn't be killed.
Later that day, a horse had stepped on a mouse & the mouse was hurt, but not dead. Because it was a "cute little mouse" the same girl who screeched about the spider couldn't understand why I didn't "save" the mouse, but wouldn't kill the spider. She thought I was weird. I explained to her why the barn didn't need any more mice, but spiders help control the fly population. She said nobody had ever explained it that way before. Let's face it, there are many more cute cartoons and stories about mice than there are about spiders! Certainly lots of irrational fear of both critters though!
I've experienced 3 different girlfriends raising their daughters. On the basis of this, I'm convinced that early education, good communication skills (doesn't matter what you're telling a kid if they're tuning you out) have a lot to do with common sense development, and of course we all have to learn from our mistakes at some point. One of my friends would have a fit about bugs in general, didn't matter what kind they were & of course her children perceived all bugs the same way.
Another friend is pretty down-to-earth in her perception of darn near everything & her child is developing really good skills at a young age. She can usually be reasoned with, talked out of her fear & into trying new things that she initially thought were scary. Her daughter is experiencing important life lessons at an early age, compared to other children I've known, and she is an amazing kid!
I think explaining why some people have common sense is easier than figuring out why some people never seem to get it; no matter how many times they are exposed to the opportunity to do so. These days, I am around some 20-somethings who are like that. No matter how many times they perform their job, they seem unable to use their common sense. Maybe they don't have any?? I do think it has something to do with being protected all their lives & having everything handed to them.
If you always treat someone like a "hot house orchid" they will have a harder time adapting to less than perfect growing conditions. Some may eventually adapt...but some never will. That's my theory anyways!