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Making the Move - HELP / Advice needed

 
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Hi guys, I am in Australia & as I write this we have wonderful heavy rain falling which is much welcome after one of the worse bushfire periods we have seen.
To add bad drought & the rain will help some of our farmers.

Guys 10 years ago my wife & I bought 3 acres on the north coast on a river with 2 houses. One house 3 bedroom etc & the other a 1 bedroom fully contained.
We have 2 wonderful boys 12 & 10.

We bought this place to make the change out of the city & have a life of growing, chickens & turn this into our little permaculture paradise. It is 10 min to a great town & community & 10 min to a local hospital & schools.
We so want to just have space as we live in an apartment.

My wife & I both in government jobs for over 30 years.

We want to go next year , some say we left it to late as our boys have their friends & are doing well at school ? I wonder this also however I am now 55 & my wife 49 & think by the time they graduate put me further along ? One life yeah ?

I guess I am scared !!! Scared of upsetting my boys.

We do have a luxury of one year long service to try before we buy which most never have ...

My question is has anyone out there been in a similar boat & experience ?

Regards
D





 
pollinator
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Any change which takes them away from their friends is going to be upsetting to them.

How they react to the new lifestyle isn't ultimately up to you but how you work with them in the new environment will make a huge difference.  Those with real parenting experience might have good ideas/experiences to share with you here on how each of their children reacted and how the parents handled each reaction.

here is a family who has teenagers who have done something you're planning to do: mylittlehomestead youtuber

these kids are into it....maybe contact this family and ask their kids to talk to yours??? I dunno.....good luck!!!
 
pollinator
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Location: Pyrenees Mountains, South of France
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It is so tragic what happened with the fires in Australia.  I can't even begin to fathom what people went through, and as for all those poor animals, dying by the thousands, my heart is breaking.  To see it on TV and be shocked and saddened is one thing, but to be there and seeing, hearing, smelling and feeling the collective grief and loss is another one all together.  I am so glad the rain came, i do love Australia!

I can't give you any advice, only you know what is best for you and your family.  As you've said yourself: only one life! (And so very short)

What I can do is tell you that, in my experience, children are very resilient and will make friends wherever they are, they will adapt and the younger they are the better.  What they do need is a constant in their lives, wherever they are, and that is your enduring presence and love.

As for being scared, who isn't?  I am 70 and about to sell my well established Permaculture homestead and start all over again in a piece of very degraded land.  What the hell! Got to be mad, right?

Like one of your compatriot said in one of his famous film: " A life lived in fear is a life half lived."  (Baz Luhrmann - Strickly Ballroom)

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best.
 
Darren Halloran
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Thank you Olga - South of France - sounds amazing !!!
 
gardener
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Kids are super resilient and generally will follow your lead. You're a few years before they go through that phase of rebelling against your lead, and before the dreadful urgency of pre-college (where they might have their whole future planned out in their head, and moving them to a high school where they don't offer X or Y might upset their plan).

I think 10 and 12 is a great age for kids to take up an adventure. How do they feel about it? If you can promise them the ability to keep in touch with friends, and take it as fun, it has everything it takes to go well. I think it is too common to be afraid to upset kids. Kids are smart, responsive, and this sort of thing builds character. I think you should sit down and talk to them and see what they have to say. Put it neutrally, they will be able to smell a sales pitch, but explain why you want to start now (and I think you have a point, the sooner you start the sooner you have the life you want) and see what they have to say. You might be surprised, they may be willing to jump on board.

(I taught high school and am the parent of a 20-year-old. We moved internationally when she was 7, and she changed schools half a dozen times-- until she found one where she fit in... and then got herself into one of the best universities in the country. I really believe that children are capable of a lot more than they sometimes are credited with.)
 
master steward
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Location: West Tennessee
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Darren Halloran wrote:
We have 2 wonderful boys 12 & 10.



I need to disclose I am not a parent, but, in observing my nieces and nephew for years who are now all teenagers and two out of high school, and observing friends with children, I think the move will be easier for them at 12 and 10 then at say 17 and 15. I think their young age makes them quite resilient and adaptable and they haven't gotten well into those very difficult teenage years.

With the potential to give them (and you & your wife) this kind of experience that I believe all of you will look back on fondly decades from now, I say go for it!
 
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do your children like it there, if they are excited about the idea it will be great for them, do you spend weekends or holidays there?
 
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Depends on your kids.  Are they self confident or are they insecure?  

Now is the best window for a move for the next 8 years or more.  Mid 50's is a better time to move than mid 60's.

I grew up a military brat, with 4 younger brothers and a younger sister moving every few years.  It's always a little scary, but I liked the opportunity to reinvent myself and make new friends and see new places.  I had a brother and sister who had a hard time with moving.  They were more insecure and didn't make friends easily.

Best time to move is in the summer, preferably the second half.  That way they have a chance to make a few friends, explore the area, but not so long they get bored.  Starting a new school in the middle of the school year is much worse.

A four wheeler or smaller dirt bike can help both make friends and enjoy the time without friends.  We had dirt bikes and my 8 year old brother (was too light to start it or hold it up, if it tilted too far) was pretty good on it.  With his comparatively small body perched on top of that large bike, he looked like a wildcat hugging a bear when he was tearing up the trails on it.

Talk it up!  Make it an adventure!  Point out the good points.  You may even arrange for their friends to come up and visit at some point.  It's a lot easier to maintain friendships now, long distance, than when I was a kid.

As a side note, if they live in an area during their mid-late teens they are more likely to settle down near there (my observation from people I know).  Of course, that's not for sure at all (young adult is the most mobile time of most peoples lives),  but they are more likely to marry someone from the area and that means having your kids and grandkids near you rather than across the country.
 
Darren Halloran
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Thank you permie Family 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
 
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