A Crazy Day

I posted about my wife and I’s new homesteading adventure with my four month old baby and a new baby coming in January over a month back.
July 6th, was a crazy day which started out “normal” but lead to my wife having a manic episode and her going to the hospital for the day which did nothing to help her but put ideas of a lawyer and divorce in her thoughts tonight as she sleeps in our bed and I’m here at the kitchen table too worried to sleep and writing to you all.
She’s had the postpartum depression going on and I’ve done everything for my sweet little baby girl while she’s barely bonded with her. My wife said that if she goes the route towards divorce then my baby girl and unborn child would be with me so she can be free from the pressures of being a Mom and how the baby has ruined our relationship. Oy-vey!
I’m 48, and guess I’ll be doing this homesteading on my own unless I can find some help. I’m considering renting out space say $100 month/or 1k year to share my two acres here and build a community how I’ve wanted too; I will not be stopped and this will happen.
We’re hoping her doctor is available to talk tomorrow so she can talk to him and we may seek counseling but I fear that with her Facebook friends filling her mind with nonsense it may be too late.
I’ve raised five other children, baby girl makes six and with seven on my way maybe I should stick to growing fruits and vegetables already lol.
My own self entertaining is keeping me in calm spirits this late evening but I do need some help out here. Sanders, Arizona. Able bodied female(s) (non sexual) and maybe an old Vet or two to keep things interesting and or someone that want some place to hole up for cheap or little to nothing. Message me here or better my email: snugglywolfie@gmail.com - happy to exchange phone numbers for texting and calls after first contact. Thanks for reading. Mike(LD)

Email: snugglywolfie@gmail.com
No hyphen between snuggly and wolfie

How'd you manage to get a new baby right after a 4 month old baby?

- signed Curious in Key West

I have been in a similar situation (with far fewer children) and the threat hasn't gone away, but we are making progress.

Did you both consider doing less and accepting that you are going to live with less?
We are being forced into working more than we are able to, for buying convenient things we don't really need.
Sometimes it is us who want to bit more than we can chew.
Maybe our bodies can handle it, but our minds struggle without the necessary rest.

I try to focus on what's efficient and keep to it, because otherwise I'm filling my time with unrewarding tasks that leave me without spare time for my family.

I feel your pain.
Sometimes the short term idea sounds good until the long term reality hits.
FB may not be helpful with their own issues as well.
Are thjere ways to remove the strain from mother with domestic help?

Hi LD,
I'm so sorry to hear your story. I'm going through a divorce that I believe is/was caused by post-partum depression. It is very real, and too many women won't get help. There are many sources of depression and many variations. Two things that I would absolutely talk to her about doing is to think about others and diet. Thinking about others instead of ourselves is a very important piece to get through/over depression. Post-partum depression has a huge physiological component to it. If she is willing, I would take her to an ND and ask for a full blood test workup of hormones, minerals, vitamins, etc. I'll bet she has deficiencies and/or imbalances. I'm not a doctor, so take this with a grain of salt, but this two prong approach to deal with the mental side and the physical side should help significantly. The catch is that the person must be willing to accept that there is something going on and that they need help, and most importantly that making a big decision like divorce, when you are in that frame of mind, is a bad idea.

First of all, sorry for both of your pain. Words said about divorce in the middle of a manic episode do not mean that divorce is imminent, but obviously, that you guys need help. Please consider getting some counselling or help of some kind, if your wife is at all wiling. It sounds like she feels extremely burdened right now and thinks divorce would make things more simple. There are so many things to consider. What is your support system right now? How are you communicating? There is help out there if you are both willing to look for it and try. Sorry that the hospital didn't do anything but suggest divorce but there are other avenues. And yes, social media tends can be a very bad influence, too.

I speak from experience. My husband and I came close to divorce in the first two years of marriage, but a good counsellor really helped heal ourselves and our marriage. This led me to writing a book about it. I  believe there is hope for many couples that throw in the towel early on. My thoughts are with the both of you.

Burl Smith wrote:How'd you manage to get a new baby right after a 4 month old baby?

- signed Curious in Key West

My wife is 26, I’m 48 but apparently I have very good swimmers still.
We didn’t have sex for a month so that she could recover from baby delivery but it didn’t take much time after we got going again.

Shari Clark wrote:First of all, sorry for both of your pain. Words said about divorce in the middle of a manic episode do not mean that divorce is imminent, but obviously, that you guys need help. Please consider getting some counselling or help of some kind, if your wife is at all wiling. It sounds like she feels extremely burdened right now and thinks divorce would make things more simple. There are so many things to consider. What is your support system right now? How are you communicating? There is help out there if you are both willing to look for it and try. Sorry that the hospital didn't do anything but suggest divorce but there are other avenues. And yes, social media tends can be a very bad influence, too.

I speak from experience. My husband and I came close to divorce in the first two years of marriage, but a good counsellor really helped heal ourselves and our marriage. This led me to writing a book about it. I  believe there is hope for many couples that throw in the towel early on. My thoughts are with the both of you.

Thank you for the kind words Shari. It does seem like we are truly heading towards divorce ever since last week when she called the police on me to “teach me a lesson” for having her sent to the hospital. She told me to take my baby when the cops told me to vacate for two hours but I planned on taking her with me anyways. She doesn’t want anything to do with my daughter and that’s fine at this point cause she’ll be with me full time.

Matt McSpadden wrote:Hi LD,
I'm so sorry to hear your story. I'm going through a divorce that I believe is/was caused by post-partum depression. It is very real, and too many women won't get help. There are many sources of depression and many variations. Two things that I would absolutely talk to her about doing is to think about others and diet. Thinking about others instead of ourselves is a very important piece to get through/over depression. Post-partum depression has a huge physiological component to it. If she is willing, I would take her to an ND and ask for a full blood test workup of hormones, minerals, vitamins, etc. I'll bet she has deficiencies and/or imbalances. I'm not a doctor, so take this with a grain of salt, but this two prong approach to deal with the mental side and the physical side should help significantly. The catch is that the person must be willing to accept that there is something going on and that they need help, and most importantly that making a big decision like divorce, when you are in that frame of mind, is a bad idea.

Thanks Matt. My wife admits it’s something related to post partum. She started talking to an old friend of ours that we stopped talking to cause this couple was stalking us in real life and now this person is in her ear everyday pushing the divorce and how “obviously” I’m the bad guy here.

John C Daley wrote:I feel your pain.
Sometimes the short term idea sounds good until the long term reality hits.
FB may not be helpful with their own issues as well.
Are thjere ways to remove the strain from mother with domestic help?

She’s addicted to Facebook but has been playing more video games on her phone lately.