New start new life new everything. Is it possible?

I am a man with I suppose an idea. I want to see what people think, and if it’s possible. I’m a good man I feel, married for 8 together for 11 years. I have my flaws of course but I find myself at a crossroads in life and don’t know what to do. I bought land in Alaska and started building my dream for me and my family. I’m a good husband and father of one beautiful boy. This has been my dream to pass on to my son and share memories with my family. It has come to light that the love of my life has had an affair and is still very much attached emotionally to this other man. We are trying to work it out, but she can’t give him up as a friend. They are bonded by war brother and sister in arms. I was told nothing physical has happened once I found intimate pictures on her phone. Her year in war and fertility issues have changed both of us in many ways. She can’t show love or affection, however we love each other very much. I dream of moving on and stopping the pain and hurt. Moving to Alaska with someone new and living my best life. I will be 40 this year and want these next 10 years to be the best of my life. Before I’m to old to do all the things I want. I own my own business I work hard, I love my woman, my son, I provide they have everything they want and need. I dream of a simple life. I love nature, hunting, and fishing. I’m a simple man, I need love and emotional and physical affection, nature, loyalty, and trust. Is there woman even out there that this would appeal to? Could I make this work? Should I tough it out? What do people think? I feel I need perspective from people that aren’t emotionally invested. I’m new to this site but thought I would give it a shot. Any advice or input would be much appreciated. Thanks

When my wife and I went sailboat cruising, we were struck by the much wider range of "married" living arrangements that could work than the American traditional or conventional style. It is really good to be open minded and think about what you each value in your relationship. It is entirely possible to hang on to the good that is IN a marriage and overcome the bad through whatever creative  arrangements you can come up with together - there is no right answer. You just have to be willing to communicate; and really listen and understand each other. imho. Married 40 years.

Welcome to permies.  This is indeed a really challenging situation and I don't think any of us can tell you what the "right" answer is.  Maybe you+wife+kid could move to Alaska and start anew and it would put some distance between her and this individual?  Does your wife like the idea of starting over again in Alaska?  There are a lot of decisions that need to be made here between the 2 of you.

Cade Johnson wrote: - there is no right answer. You just have to be willing to communicate; and really listen and understand each other. imho. Married 40 years.

This would be my advice also.

To me, marriage is a partnership just like in a business. Businesses don't work if the partners don't communicate and listen to each other.

Focus on your boy and what he needs.

Carmelo is right, the kid is the most important thing here, what's best for him?

Hello,

I believe since you are a man of honor and monogamy that you deserve that in return.

My parents stayed together even though my father was repetively unfaithful. My mother loved him and still does. We are a family unit to this day. My sister and I agree we would not want to repeat the relationship my mother and father had. Staying for the sake of the children.

I do understand to some extent we can't control who we love.

I have been in 2 significant relationships. Both leaving me scarred, traumatized and a little broken. I will always have love for both of these men but they betrayed me and ultimately I let them.  I'm 33 years old, I've been single over a year now and it took a long time single to realize and not be afraid of feeling like I deserve my love reciprocated and I won't settle for less.

It sounds like you know your worth, Your an amazing rare gem of a man. Don't give up, be there for your son and have no fear.

It's true that the pain does subside one day, it truly does. Hang in there, the best you can. One day at a time. Listen to your gut.


❤️
Rose

Thank you everyone for you insight. It has helped a lot to just talk about it and get some outside perspective from people that are not emotionally attached to the situation. I feel that now everything is on the table and we are being open and honest about everything and communicating I’m going to just give it more time and see what happens. I hope things change and get better I feel like I should be patient and not selfish and see what happens for better or worse I truly believe time with tell all and the decision will be simple.

It sounds like better communication is occurring and that's key in making the right choice, whatever that may be.  Taking time is good, not rushing things.  I think you're being smart.