Compromising My Ideals for Potential Peace?

I am at my wit's end. This summer my home has been beseiged by roaches. I'm talking about the huge ones also known as waterbugs, palmetto bugs, wood roaches, etc. I am deathly, viscerally, irrationally terrified of them, and it is really taking a toll on me.

I feel constantly on edge in my home. I can't relax. I am always looking out for them. My heart races when I think (often erroneously) I spot them in my peripheral vision. I barely practice daily yoga anymore because I am scared of roaches scurrying over me during my practice. For similar reasons I am cutting back on floor sitting, which is an essential aspect of my mobility practice. I have insomnia on the nights I see them. I am laying here in bed writing this post to delay my morning perimeter scan for roaches. In short, I'm miserable, and my health is suffering.

So I made the decision a couple of weeks ago to go against my usual judgment and hire an exterminator. They offer both interior and exterior treatments, but I decided I would not let them spray outside even though the roaches seem to be coming in from outside. I considered it and almost rationalized how minimal the impact would be, but ultimately I thought about the beautiful five-line skinks (lizards) I see running along the perimeter of the house, and I worried about how it would affect them. So I mentally drew a line in the sand around exterior spraying (or so I thought) and focused on sealing up the area inside the house where I knew roaches were entering.

But yesterday I had my first live roach sighting since the spraying. It shattered what little sense of security I had left because it violated all my expectations: two roaches at the same time, very much alive, weeks after pesticide application, during daylight hours, in the area where I work and spend most of my time. I concluded that they must have come in the house from outside after the exterminator sprayed, and it has left me complete demoralized because I do not know what else I can do. I already sealed up the entry point they had been using, and I cannot figure out where else they could be coming in at.

I have to do something because I cannot keep living like this, but the only thing I can think of is letting the exterminator spray the perimeter of the house in hopes of destroying whatever colony is invading. I am loathe to do it, but I feel like I've run out of options.

That's a tough situation. I lived ten years as a kid in a house with endemic roaches, so I know they're a little nasty to deal with -- leaving little brown flecks (their waste?) around. I think roach motels are non-toxic. Were I in your position, I'd probably use those while trying to work on my phobia.

When I took over as CEO of a not for profit, I quickly learned that spraying simply did not work for me.   The facility was over run with roaches. The company we used refused to acknowledge their existence. Yes, they had sprayed inside and outside on a monthly basis.  I would come into the building late at night, turn in the lights, and the floor would be covered with them.  I killed off a couple hundred, placed then in a large envelope, and mailed them to the pest control company with a letter saying we would no longer be using their services.

After much experimentation, I finally found a bait that did work.  Unfortunately that was many years ago, and I no longer remember the source or content of the bait.  

I forgot to add that there is a second component to this dilemma. I am also faced with the question of whether the exterminator should spray outside for wasps. Unlike the roaches, I have zero desire to kill wasps. To the contrary, I see it as a badge of honor that my property is hospitable enough for them to want to call it home.  I want them to be here, and these last two years I managed to coexist with them quite peacefully even though they built nests close to my home.

This year, however, there are many more nests, and most of them are right outside my front door, which is new. I told the exterminator not to spray them, but in the past week I have noticed that the wasps seem more assertive and are flying around me more. I am getting worried about the potential danger to myself and guests. I don't want to be idealistic to the point of naivete. I know if these wasps do get defensive, it won't be a matter of one sting, which is bad enough. It will be multiple stings at once, which could be very dangerous.

I asked the exterminator if he could just move the nests without spraying, but he said no. One of the nests I knocked down when I saw by chance it was unoccupied, but they built it back the next day. The others are even more difficult to tackle because they are nesting inside crevices in my awning that I can't really access. The exterminator said he could bring his bee suit and seal up those crevices, which at least would avoid the use of poisons.

John F Dean wrote:When I took over as CEO of a not for profit, I quickly learned that spraying simply did not work for me.   The facility was over run with roaches. The company we used refused to acknowledge their existence. Yes, they had sprayed inside and outside on a monthly basis.  I would come into the building late at night, turn in the lights, and the floor would be covered with them.  I killed off a couple hundred, placed then in a large envelope, and mailed them to the pest control company with a letter saying we would no longer be using their services.

After much experimentation, I finally found a bait that did work.  Unfortunately that was many years ago, and I no longer remember the source or content of the bait.  

That is horrifying!

Christopher Weeks wrote:That's a tough situation. I lived ten years as a kid in a house with endemic roaches, so I know they're a little nasty to deal with -- leaving little brown flecks (their waste?) around. I think roach motels are non-toxic. Were I in your position, I'd probably use those while trying to work on my phobia.

I cannot tell you how much fear I've worked though already just to get to this point of being able to confront them directly and remove their supposedly dead bodies. I think I have already reached my limit for how much fear I can overcome in a year.

Having lived in S.C. for a time I'm all too familiar with Palmetto bugs. We used Borax to mitigate the little buggers. A mixture of sugar and Borax and we either sprinkled the mixture or made marble sized balls with a bit of water mixed in. The marbles we could roll or pitch into areas that it was difficult to sprinkle the powder.

Just as an update, I overcame my fear enough to avoid my crisis of conscience. The exterminator came today, and I decided not to have him spray outside. I could not stop thinking about how the spray might kill the lizards, which would be horrible in and of itself. But it would also be counterproductive because a waning in the lizard population will probably lead to an increase in pests. And in this extreme heat, even a limited, targeted spraying could possibly aerosolize and kill pollinators.

So I am going to continue to focus on trying to seal up the house to keep roaches from entering the living areas and pray I won't see many more. We are finally getting some rain here, so maybe with more moisture outside the roaches will wander less.

Edited to add: At one point the exterminator and I were standing outside with wasps buzzing all around us. He just stopped, looked in awe at all the wasps flying in and out of nests in and around my house, and said he has never seen so many. Even though I am kind of worried about the increasing number of wasps right at my front door, I was quite proud to receive such distinction from an experienced professional who has undoubtedly seen his share of wasps! I like to think it means my garden is becoming a blossoming ecosystem.

I assume you've already tried diatomacious earth? Here's Paul's article about using it in case it is useful for others.