POST 23 (DAY 29, Tuesday, 2020.09.08)
[Evening Entry]
Taco Tuesday.. this day, Paul started off the "Community Business" portion of the gathering around the table with an apology.. I thought I'd follow his lead and take the time to make a couple apologies of my own.. without going into all the details, let's just say that we all have junk.. and when in close quarters those junks become visible.. I grew up in a house where an apology was a rare thing--if ever--that happened to come from the older person of the household.. please don't misunderstand--my parents are awesome humans who did their very best (my father worked tirelessly to provide for our needs, we never went hungry; my mother somehow kept the house and raised three children while juggling a part time job.. I can hardly imagine being in their shoes).. I guess I never really saw their vulnerable side.. and an apology is just that isn't it? The willingness to be vulnerable, open, and accepted.. the lesson was for me; not anyone else.. it was I who needed to apologize, even though my heart was hard-bent on the logical aspect of being in "the right".. but what is "right" when the emotion is all wrong?.. And the apology, in my opinion is the ointment that works with Time, to heal the ouchie.. Past few days, I had been too proud to even consider being so vulnerable.. after writing yesterday's entry about "this too shall pass", I decided that the prideful feeling was not mine to hold onto.. Today, all day, I wondered how I would go about being accountable to my own words.. I guess its easier when I don't have to be the first one to apologize.. Thanks, Paul, for doing the thing that I thought would be so difficult.. I get that we are all here to work on ourselves and if/when applicable, help each other along the way.. Needless to say, the "wrong" that I'd been feeling and the pride that I had latched onto is melted.. and what I feel now is a kind of peace.. perhaps a Jiminy Crickets kind of peace..
THE WORK: AM/PM--I helped to install cross member braces at the base of the
greenhouse's six main posts.. working with the hand chisel and mallet got me so connected to why I am here at WL.. The excitement must have carried me into the evening because I volunteered (with counsel, from a team lead, because it tends to cause burn-out feels) to continue my PM shift working on the greenhouse.. I usually switch tasks mid-day because that is what is highly advised.. the work day was done before I knew it.. there's something about working with hand tools that lets me focus.. I often lose track of time this way.. I guess that's why origami stuck with me since I was in 5th grade (I still make things with folded paper, like cranes, turtles, and flowers and sprinkle them on along my traveled paths).. will I do a double-day again tomorrow? likely not.. I take advice like this quite seriously because my plan is to stay here a long time, and I wish to avoid burn-out as much as possible..
random pics from around the Lab.. enjoy~!