What should be in every ad for goats for sale.

Large-breed goats are what happens when the universe accidentally pours equal parts mountain man, demolition expert, philosopher, a sack of concrete and drunk toddler into the same furry body, then adds horns and a poop dispenser out of spite. They spend every waking moment proving that gravity is merely a suggestion and that every object in your possession has secretly been waiting for a goat to eat it or stand on it.

A haiku-

Horned toddler mule
Chaos wears a beard today
The fence learns humility

So sorry to hear that you have a drunken toddler.  How did that happen?

So because of this you want to sell your goats?

If I were selling my goats I would say, great milkers and have plentiful babies.

Haha, no! It's just a disclaimer for anyone thinking of buying large breed, free range goats. It's all out of love!
And yes, amazing milkers!

Hat consumption time is one of the things I always ask about.   I'm looking for something in the 4 second or longer so I have enough time to save some of the hat.  Comfortable hats are difficult and my last goat had a time of about 1.2 seconds.  Not enough time to snatch it away.

Nibbled brim is expected on a farm, but i need at least some hat left.

Micheal James wrote:Large-breed goats are what happens when the universe accidentally pours equal parts mountain man, demolition expert, philosopher, a sack of concrete and drunk toddler into the same furry body, then adds horns and a poop dispenser out of spite. They spend every waking moment proving that gravity is merely a suggestion and that every object in your possession has secretly been waiting for a goat to eat it or stand on it.

A haiku-

Horned toddler mule
Chaos wears a beard today
The fence learns humility

The warning has been noted, thank you Replying to applaud your totally entertaining writing. The audience asks for more - learning is fun when the writing is this good!

Nina, I'll be happy to oblige! Stay tuned!

r ransom wrote:Hat consumption time is one of the things I always ask about.   I'm looking for something in the 4 second or longer so I have enough time to save some of the hat.  Comfortable hats are difficult and my last goat had a time of about 1.2 seconds.  Not enough time to snatch it away.

Nibbled brim is expected on a farm, but i need at least some hat left.

Oh man, this reminds me of one of my favorite parts from the Thomas the Tank Engine engine stories: When the Fat Controller's hat flew off and a goat ate it for tea.



Apparently that's not the only goat that likes hats. I had no idea that goats-eating-hats was a thing. The things we learn!

Haha!
great description of goat behavior Micheal!
We had free range alpines for a decade and that was our experience...the milk was wonderful even though they were always a step or two ahead of us with fencing our garden space and always dancing on things, like the sweat lodge roof🫤

...sometimes I really miss them, especially those sweet smelling new borns.