I'm beginning to believe I too suffer from SAD. My children are grown and on their own. Only one is still nearby and we are working on repairing a deep and painful rift that happened when my mom died in '14, but I think a new pattern has been set in our relationship that won't be changed in the time we have before we both go our separate ways. (I will be moving in with my youngest daughter in WV, and the one nearby is saying she will be moving to Georgia)
Her children are grown or nearly so, busy with their own lives.
My childhood was full of large family gatherings on the holidays, but again, all the matriarchs and patriarchs have passed, the rest are scattered and some have excommunicated me for whatever reasons. Even my husband's family has suffered this scattering and rifts since the parents have passed.
So, between the upcoming move across country ( Southern California to WV), the scattering of the younger generations, the passing of my mother (who was our glue), and tensions between my eldest and I, I find myself feeling quite bah humbug this year. I normally put up
enough lights and decorations to be locally the most decorated for several blocks in any direction. This year is at a minimum because I am just NOT FEELING IT.
I don't make friends easily or for long. I don't join groups that get together regularly because of social anxiety issues, and any organized religion puts me off the minute they open their mouths spewing their praises. I try to keep busy with my crafting choices (sewing, crochet) or reading. I'm still doing
alot of research on the stuff we want to do in WV.
I'm really chiming in so others know they are not alone in their loneliness, not the only ones suffering emotional pain at a time of year when we are supposed to be gathering with loved ones. We have many stories of how or why, all culminating in the same or similar results of a certain sadness that colors these months at the end of the year.
Brightest Blessings to all. This too will pass, just like those kidney stones. Haha. (Meaning it may be painful, but you/we will get through it)