Hi Westin,
Ben Falk has a wood-stove heating setup in his house, you can see a diagram at the 42 minute mark in this
video:
Of your two systems I would be inclined towards the first, which is much like Ben's system. A separate system for summer, like a solar thermal panel or a batch box, that heats the same tank, would be simple in most ways. The only fiddly part about that is location, since if you want to rely on thermosiphoning to circulate the heating water, the heating location can't be at the top of the loop.
While your bread-box heater would eliminate that issue, you'd then have that freezing concern. Maybe someone from a similar climate can tell you if that is well-founded, but since I don't know I'm going to assume it is. I suppose you could close it off with external insulation in winter, but I prefer the idea of heating sources separate from the tank, which can then individually drained and put offline as required.
As to your specific questions:
-You need a thermostatic mixing valve to mix the hot and cold water. The only way around this is to heat the water to a comfortable temperature, then shut off the heating, and use the water directly. I don't think this is a good plan, myself.
-If you want to get away with only gravity feed, you'd need the cold tank to also be up high. If it is above the hot tank, it can refill the hot tank via gravity, and you only need to fill the cold tank manually.
-I do not know how much pressure you need for the thermostatic mixing valve to work, something to check.
-For pressure, one foot of height gets you about .43 PSI. Standard household pressure is apparently 50-70ish, so you will have extremely low pressure by house standards. It
should run out of a tap anyhow; for a showerhead you'd probably need to look for something like one that is meant for a camping
shower.
-To refill those tanks, you could rely on the water pressure of a hose, and put a filling port at a usable location on the outside; you'd need to make sure you have some way to prevent overflow, ie a shutoff at the tank where you can monitor it while filling, or an overflow line... I would be keen on the option for manual filling just in case, but that would definitely be suboptimal.
The alternative to all that gravity feed fiddling would be to run a pump and an accumulator to provide pressurized cold water, which would in turn pressurize the hot water, and give you some semblance of normal water pressure. To do so with minimal power demands, you can look at RV/marine pumps and accumulator tanks meant for this purpose. There's a diagram of this for an RV:
http://www.expeditionportal.com/forum/threads/138258-Water-System
The catch there is this assumes a single pass through a heat-exchanger(back boiler) is enough to heat the water, which probably isn't true, so you'd need to add a hot tank to the diagram.