A funny thing happened on the way home from the henhouse.

Tucking in the chickens tonight has been very 'interesting'.

You see, it's a really big hen house and a few of the hens like to roost in the rafters.  As I entered, one strategically placed hen unloaded her manner directly onto the centre of my head.  I move out of the line of fire, only to receive a second load from a different hen.  

Ak.  What is this?  Years we've had this place and not once has a hen unloaded onto my head, but two at once?  Crazy.  Well, I'm not falling for that trick again.  This hen is empty, so I'll just stand here.  Only...

A third hen was hidden next to second hen.  She too had to go to the 'little hen's room' and deposited her manure directly onto my head.  

What can I do?  I'm already dirty after the first load, I suppose two more hens worth isn't going to make much difference.  

I leave the henhouse pondering what I did wrong that I needed punishing for.  But also grateful that it was manure from healthy hens.  It could have been worse.  They could have had the runs.  They could have been ducks.

And as I have this thought...

There is a sound above me.

I look up.

I see two mallards.

I see them only for a split second.

I see next is two large splotches getting bigger.

I receive two deposits of slimy duck shit on my face.  Splat, splat.  

I must be in for the most wonderful day tomorrow.  You see, to be shat on once by a bird is a sign that enormous good luck is about to arrive.  It's been years since I received a 'blessing' from above, and I've had nothing but heartache in all that time.  But to be shat on by 5 birds, all within about 30 seconds of each other.  Well, this must mean my luck is about to change for the better.  Combine that with the deep itch in my left palm all day... I think it may be a good time to buy a lottery ticket.  

Either that or...

It's time to buy a hat.


Anyone else superstitious about bird droppings?  In Ancient Greece, they had all sorts of signs they used to see in birds.  A sparrow flew east, it means a battle on the morning, a person sneezed when an eagle was overhead, meant the gods were listening.  That kind of thing.  What do you know about bird signs?  Do you use bird sign to tell you when to plant certain crops?  

I can barely type I am laughing so hard. Those bird really seem to be trying to tell you something.

On the topic of bird signs. Something interesting if trying to figure out if a plant is edible is if you observe both birds and deer eating it then it is safe for human consumption. While birds can eat plenty of things that are poisonous to humans and same for deer, the two combined is sort of cross reference of what is safe for humans.

This doesn't show all the wild edibles, and is a long term process of observation. Of course safe does not necessarily mean tasty either.

That's freakin' hilarious! If the superstitions are true, good things are coming your way! And if they don't, you should eat those birds.

I think I just had the world's longest shower.

Feeling slightly guilty for using so much water.

I broke my 4year semi-nopoo run and used shampoo AND conditioner.

Hair is now very clean.

Now if only I could get the taste of mallard fecal matter out of my mouth.

The hens are too well loved to eat...

...But I am really in the mood for mallard soup right now.

Amazing! I took a bird turd on the back of the head the other morning, reading this sure makes me feel a whole lot less violated!

Sometimes a long, contemplative shower is what needs to happen. You earned it~

I think I know what triggered the shit shower.

I gave them some of my pea expierments where I cooked up dried peas that I grew last year to see which ones I liked best.  This, of course, included bacon which it turns out is their second favourite food (after mushy peas).  I told them they were lucky hens and I want all that transformed into eggs and manure by the end of the day.

My hens always do what I ask... I just need to be more careful what I ask for.


as for the mallards... well, I just don't think they like me.  

Maybe the mallards smelled the henbreath and were jealous they didn't get any?

I've had cows lift a tail in the milk barn while I was partly turned away and hit me with a good geyser of liquid cowpie and I had a robins splat me in the past, but never a hen or duck. On the lower extremities but not blockbuster missiles from above. I hope you have recovered, and dealt with keeping the hens out of your rafters. And you got a really righteous chore hat.... I would've asked Santa for one for sure! (Leave him a ribeye steak and some of that single malt. To counteract all that sugar and carbs he usually gets that night)

Funny you should revive this thread.  Had a near miss this evening.

Maybe I need a new hat?

I decided to ruffle a few of the older ones tonight and yours struck me the right way.

I don't know about the hat (I do own one like that) but I'll take the dude... he could always go do hazardous bombing duty for you?

Deb Rebel wrote:...I'll take the dude... he could always go do hazardous bombing duty for you?

I suspect those well loved hens would not survive the experience. The dude is a bit trigger happy! Ah, Jayne, I miss him.

When I first got chickens I only had a few so my girlfriend and I would sit on the ground across from each other with the tiny chicks in the middle and watch them, pick them up, just kind of spend time with them.  My favorite would always hop up on my leg and sit there while I would pet it.  One day we were sitting there talking with the babies and mine was sitting on my leg as always.  It hopped off my leg, walked across to my girlfriend and hopped up onto her leg, shit on her, and came right back over to sit on me again.  It was awesome.

It hopped off my leg, walked across to my girlfriend and hopped up onto her leg, shit on her, and came right back over to sit on me again.  It was awesome.  

  I'm sure your girlfriend thought it was awesome too!

Roberto pokachinni wrote:

It hopped off my leg, walked across to my girlfriend and hopped up onto her leg, shit on her, and came right back over to sit on me again.  It was awesome.  

  I'm sure your girlfriend thought it was awesome too!

We both nearly died laughing.  She's good like that.

She's good like that.

definitely a keeper!

This whole thread reminded me of an incident that happened to some family friend kids a long while back, when a young guy named Adam had a crow shit on his head from it's lofty perch on a utility line while waiting for the school bus.  Adam went crying home to clean his head, but was beat to the house by his younger brother Jamie, who burst in the door, shouting to Pauline their mom: "A bird shit on Adam's head!"    

The next day the same thing happened, but this time as Jamie burst in the door ahead of Adam, he nearly hit the floor laughing, barely able to get his words out, "Mom, holy crap, the friggin crow shit on Adams head AGAIN!!!"  His emphasis on 'again' was so strong, and his enthusiastic laughter was so contagious, that Pauline couldn't help laughing herself, despite Adam's horrified emotional state at being singled out as a toilet by the crow.