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A funny thing happened on the way home from the henhouse.  RSS feed

 
r ranson
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Tucking in the chickens tonight has been very 'interesting'.

You see, it's a really big hen house and a few of the hens like to roost in the rafters.  As I entered, one strategically placed hen unloaded her manner directly onto the centre of my head.  I move out of the line of fire, only to receive a second load from a different hen. 

Ak.  What is this?  Years we've had this place and not once has a hen unloaded onto my head, but two at once?  Crazy.  Well, I'm not falling for that trick again.  This hen is empty, so I'll just stand here.  Only...

A third hen was hidden next to second hen.  She too had to go to the 'little hen's room' and deposited her manure directly onto my head. 

What can I do?  I'm already dirty after the first load, I suppose two more hens worth isn't going to make much difference. 

I leave the henhouse pondering what I did wrong that I needed punishing for.  But also grateful that it was manure from healthy hens.  It could have been worse.  They could have had the runs.  They could have been ducks.

And as I have this thought...

There is a sound above me.

I look up.

I see two mallards.

I see them only for a split second.

I see next is two large splotches getting bigger.

I receive two deposits of slimy duck shit on my face.  Splat, splat. 

I must be in for the most wonderful day tomorrow.  You see, to be shat on once by a bird is a sign that enormous good luck is about to arrive.  It's been years since I received a 'blessing' from above, and I've had nothing but heartache in all that time.  But to be shat on by 5 birds, all within about 30 seconds of each other.  Well, this must mean my luck is about to change for the better.  Combine that with the deep itch in my left palm all day... I think it may be a good time to buy a lottery ticket. 

Either that or...

It's time to buy a hat.


Anyone else superstitious about bird droppings?  In Ancient Greece, they had all sorts of signs they used to see in birds.  A sparrow flew east, it means a battle on the morning, a person sneezed when an eagle was overhead, meant the gods were listening.  That kind of thing.  What do you know about bird signs?  Do you use bird sign to tell you when to plant certain crops? 
 
Devin Lavign
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I can barely type I am laughing so hard. Those bird really seem to be trying to tell you something.
 
Devin Lavign
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On the topic of bird signs. Something interesting if trying to figure out if a plant is edible is if you observe both birds and deer eating it then it is safe for human consumption. While birds can eat plenty of things that are poisonous to humans and same for deer, the two combined is sort of cross reference of what is safe for humans.

This doesn't show all the wild edibles, and is a long term process of observation. Of course safe does not necessarily mean tasty either.
 
Tracy Wandling
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That's freakin' hilarious! If the superstitions are true, good things are coming your way! And if they don't, you should eat those birds.
 
r ranson
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I think I just had the world's longest shower.

Feeling slightly guilty for using so much water.

I broke my 4year semi-nopoo run and used shampoo AND conditioner.

Hair is now very clean.

Now if only I could get the taste of mallard fecal matter out of my mouth.

The hens are too well loved to eat...

...But I am really in the mood for mallard soup right now.
 
Ian Rule
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Amazing! I took a bird turd on the back of the head the other morning, reading this sure makes me feel a whole lot less violated!

Sometimes a long, contemplative shower is what needs to happen. You earned it~
 
r ranson
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I think I know what triggered the shit shower.

I gave them some of my pea expierments where I cooked up dried peas that I grew last year to see which ones I liked best.  This, of course, included bacon which it turns out is their second favourite food (after mushy peas).  I told them they were lucky hens and I want all that transformed into eggs and manure by the end of the day.

My hens always do what I ask... I just need to be more careful what I ask for.


as for the mallards... well, I just don't think they like me. 
 
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