Self control?

I thought this was interesting. It makes sense to me. So much of civilized life goes against our basic instincts. There are certainly those who are "losing it" in a big way lately!

http://www.livescience.com/culture/090410-hn-self-control.html

mmmmmmm...cookies.......

interesting subject. the evolution of self control. I'm obviously not terribly evolved I don't do groups well, I'm more of a growling over the gazelle type.....if you wanna eat go risk your own neck to hunt another one down........

Self-control = delayed gratification.

I saw a public television documentary about a study of delayed gratification. They put one preschooler in a room sitting at a table with one, big, fresh marshmallow on it. The child was told that if he/she waited, they would get THREE marshmallows. But if they couldn't wait, and wanted to eat it now, they would only get the one.

Of course there was a hidden camera and it was hilarious to see what these kids did in the room by themselves, waiting with this marshmallow staring at them. 

The follow up is what's interesting. If I recall correctly, they kept track of these kids for 20 years or so, and those who could wait and use delayed gratification to get more marshmallows when they were little, were achieving more, were more happy and stable, as young adults.

Though they didn't exactly say why some kids had more self-control than others. Perhaps some of it is innate. And perhaps, some of it was smart parenting. You know, maybe the parents of the kids who could wait didn't expect the kids to be under control (or out of control) ALL the time to where their fuses were short with the simple things. It's all about balance sometimes, isn't it? 

Self-control is more of a civilization issue than a natural response, IMO.  Delayed gratification has no real use in nature.  In fact, it would probably be stupid and totally out of place in survival mode.

Today, from what I see of younger people, they are evolving (civilization-wise) backwards in this respect.  It's reached the point where if they want something, they just take it, no matter who it belongs to.  And if they don't just take it, they whine and cry to their parents until they get it.  I call them the Gimmee Generation.  It's not pretty, either.

By the way, since I drive all hours, I often have the radio on when I don't have passengers, and there is a radio program where the talk show host reads some strange news article and invites comments from listeners. 

The article the guy read was about a study of the least literate people in America.  The folks in El Paso, TX were the winners (a dubious honor).

A man from El Paso called in and said it was absolutely true.  The host asked what the guy did for a living, and the guy said he owned a used book shop in El Paso.  The host asked if that wasn't a rather pointless endeavor, considering the study and his evaluation of the locals. 

But the guy said it was exactly the opposite.  He said that the people there saw no value in books, so he never had to pay much.  And they would often just GIVE them to him.  Sometimes he would open the store in the morning and there would be boxes and boxes of books, with a note stuck on top, "I were cleening the atic an wanted too get ride of these here boooks, so maybe you can get somthin fer em".

So what he does is sell through eBay and other online sources, to people all over the world.  He says these people are constantly bringing him first editions and rare books and he sells them for a lot of money.  He says it's a good living.

I was laughing out loud at 3 a.m. listening to this conversation, rolling down the freeway.

Sue

wow! it sounds like he found a perfect niche in a perfect niche! it always saddens me to find myself in a house that has hardly any books or they have nothing but 100 biblically related ones. Especially in a household with children. I always asked people in  leiu of getting my daughter more stuffed animals, trinkets etc... for gifts, please  buy her a book or get her a gift card to a book store! I was suprised at how many people would say......'you still need more books?' as if there was some arbritrary limit on the amount of knowledge and information that a child should be exposed to. the more the better in my opinion.

I can think of very few things that are as rewarding (to me) as reading to a child is. It is a crying shame that things have become what they have, & some kids don't get (or want) books. It's really sad that some people have lost sight of the value in that. 

Books are brain food!

"I was suprised at how many people would say......'you still need more books?' "

YES!  I've gotten that, too!

I've been to homes where there aren't any books.  My crazy sister in Idaho is one.  I think she's only read one book in her life, and it was one a movie she like was based on.

You can often tell people who don't read, because they don't talk about anything other than what is on TV -- ever!  And there are so many things they've never heard of, much less know anything about.

(Note: I was trying to fix my sister's new vacuum -- it had sucked up a felt catnip mouse) and I asked her to get a phillips screwdriver.  She's about 56 years old, and had to ask what kind of screwdriver was that?  JeezLoueeze!

That's what I like about so many of my railroad crews.  They have a lot of waiting time with their jobs, so they always carry books to read.  On the drive to their destination, we talk about hunting, survival, the economy, ethanol, the moon, habits of elk, and tons of other stuff.

People who don't read for fun.... how sad.

Sue

Susan Monroe wrote:


You can often tell people who don't read, because they don't talk about anything other than what is on TV -- ever!

oh my. that reminds me of a stay at home mom's group that I tried to join. we all had kids around 2 yrs old and I was hoping for some kind of activity where there was intelligent adults to co mingle with. they all sat around talking about tv shows. the first question they asked me was.... what is your daughters favorite show? my answer "she doesn't watch tv" (at that age none at all) no one would hardly speak to me after that. they absolutely had nothing to talk about besides tv! needless to say I never went back and actually left early. It is very hard for me to try and fit in in group social situations anyway and I was so miserable there especially. it really zapped my motivation for trying to 'reach out' to other moms. their kids were all sitting around watching tv and eating junk food the whole time we were there, while my daughter was politely exploring the house and yard or studying the other people and conversations. 

Vidiots! That's what we are. I'm afraid my dh & I are that way to some extent. We both watch a lot of TV. Being as we are both of the age where we can remember TV as being a relatively new thing, it's been a part of our lives forever. We have both been involved with other activities in our lives (fortunately) & can carry on a decent conversation.

Kids TV nowadays, is a totally different "animal" than it was when we were kids, that is for sure. Being as dh & I are 54 & 48, neither one of us watched much TV in our (formative) toddler years. I totally agree with the mindset of the minority (not to let kids watch much if any TV before the age of 2; or even stricter, before they can read). As a non-parent who has associated with young children who haven't watched much TV (i.e. Leah's daughter) or kids who have (nieces, nephews), well all I can say is the difference is like night & day!

Kudos to parents who are going against the TV tide & raising their kids with a minimum of it. I applaud you!

Leah, many of the homeschoolers are different. TV and the public school mind control are often two of the reasons they homeschool in the first place.

I plan to homeschool  and I have sought out homeschool groups but so far they are all christian oriented aroun here. I think I found one secular one in OKC. some of them won't even accept you into there group unless you take a pledge of sorts to their religion. I don't want my daughter brainwashed by religion or the government. is that too much to ask? 

some of them'welcome' other religions but I can't help but feel after reading their statements of intent and websites that it is just a ruse to get you in so they can try and convert you.

I am getting a little bit more capable of  keeping my mouth shut and plan  to join one anyway for my daughters sake. I'm going to have to take a deep breath and put my big girl panties on and help her to intelligently process peoples differing beliefs.  I was cruelly scared  as a child by a church using religion to manipulate people and have held quite a bit of resentment over it as an adult. I need to just let it go.

speaking of t v..one thing that ruined my thoughtlife for ever was the movie WAG THE DOG !!

I've never thought that your core beliefs & ideals for her education were being held back by resentment. I can totally understand you not wanting a group to change what you believe (or don't believe) in order to get the education you are looking for. If that's the case, well it kinda sucks! I didn't realize that home schooling depended that much on a group. How many need to be in a group? Maybe you can start your own group with other like minded parents?

No matter how a person feels about religion, their education should take priority over it. I went to a parochial grade school K thru 8, and far too much time was spent on religious activities, when they should have been teaching us far more useful things. IMO.

WenVan wrote:
I didn't realize that home schooling depended that much on a group.

it doesn't neccessarily depend on a group. but its to have people with similiar ideals and circumstances to talk to and for other kids for homeschooled children to play with.

at this point she often gets the "oohh so your going to be 5yrs soon and start school!" usually I just don't say anything. if they push the issue I tell them we started school a long time ago and she is/will be homeschooled or later attend a private school. I can see how alienating being 'homeschooled' can and will be for her, it already is for me (It seems to really put some people off, although others have done no more than congratulate me) and it would be nice to find a community of sorts where its normal.  I dont' want her to feel she is missing out on something or that we are outcasts of sorts.  she needs to be able to find freinds that won't blink and eye at the thought of alternative schooling. its only fair.

I gotcha, and that all makes sense.

I was reading something about it in the online version of the Tulsa newspaper. I often read the comments people post about the stories in the paper. There was definitely a mixed bag of opinions about homeschooling.

"There was definitely a mixed bag of opinions about homeschooling."

Here, too!  Then I started looking at some of the names in the letters to the editors, ridiculing homeschooling and pumping up public schooling.  Two of them were my neighbors, both teachers in the public school system!  Axes can be ground on both sides.

However, I did read that universities and colleges are quietly recruiting more homeschooled teachers than ever before.

Why not put an ad in the local newspaper and ask if there are any non-religious homeschool groups around, AND if there isn't, would anyone be interested in starting one.

Sue

so many people I know homeschool now that there are some great groups that they can join of other homeschoolers..esp in larger communities..where they can even have their sports teams and recreationaly activies together.

hey the generation before me had one room schoolhouses and most were just a few close families..

i think all methods of education are good methods..if done well..and all can be crap if done badly..

you know back to the book thing..I am a dyed in the wool bookworm..OK..and I build bookshelves..buy bookshelves..and pile books..i have books in every room..and i re read them..i use them..i love them.

but one thing I have found is that very few people I see have any real appreciation for books any more..like that bookstore owner said.

people think I am silly for buying and holding onto books..like they were no good after once read..

I'm not so much a novel reader..but more informative reader..i have read novels..but i'm not INTO novels..

I have library walls in 4 rooms of my house right now and growing.

i even have a sort cabinet with children's books, all nice ones..but no children are ever here to read them..however..i have them just in case a child or an adlt that loves old childrens books..should happen by

ronbre wrote:


people think I am silly for buying and holding onto books..like they were no good after once read..

I get that too  the... "why do you need that book? you already read it."...... statements. I go back to books I have read all the time. and if your like me, a few years down the road and I have often forgotten some very important points that were made in a book or run across things that weren't relevant to my situation when I first read them (and there fore didn't make it into the 'hard drive" ) and now pop out as the perfect solution or bring about the neccessary query.

some novels are ok. I have enjoyed some greg iles and greg bear novels that make great quick reads when I just need an 'escape book' to keep me from taking life to seriously. 

People won't read a book twice, but will watch a Rambo movie how many times???

There are books I've read many times.  To Kill a Mockingbird is one. She only wrote one book, and that was it.

A life without books... a real tragedy.

Some people make sure they always have their beer, cigarettes and remote control.  I'll take animals, plants and books ANYTIME!

Sue

a typical evening for me when I'm bored (which is fairly often at night here in winter esp).

I walk over to the nearest bookshelf..or one in another room.

I pick up as many books as i can carry without dropping them..in a tall stack..sit them down by a comfy chair..pull up a foot stool, a pillow to use as a lap desk, a pen and paper as i'm a note taker and always have to be prepared, turn on a lamp, and grab a tall glass of ice water and a coaster..and settle down .

generally i'm not necessarily reading or looking for anything in particular..and it depends on my mood what KIND of book it is..gardening, craft, decor cook, self help..whatever..

and i'll just start paging..if words catch my eye, i read..sometimes I'll read through the whole book, or just a chapter..or just get ideas from the pictures..or i'll read my marginal notes (i'm a book ruiner)...sometimes i'll finish the stack two or three times going for another stack, sometimes one book will hook me for the entire evening..