Hi Lana,
"The Longest Journey Begins with a Single Step"
Lau Tsu
Sounds almost overwhelming. But that kind of frustration has some good at its core--a little anger helps us get busy, its good motivation. Im not wise but here are some ideas:
(1) Transportation is important. Got a car? A light truck is better, or a van if you can drive one, 8 cilynders is best it means you can haul a tiny camper/home and that gives you
freedom. I recommend something like an 8 cillinder Ford F-150 pulling a tiny camper home. If you cant find a camper home get a toy hauler (little trailer) and outfit it yourself. Achieve the "ability" to leave anytime you want and explore: By the way some people live out of their van, there are all sorts of rehab videos out there. Be like the snail that carries its home on its back.
(2) Skill Development makes others want YOU: Woofing/experimenting/house sitting/community gardens other permie projects happening all over: There are opportunities out there to experience rural p-culture based life, the idea is to exchange labor for knowledge. Its an eye opener and not always easy. Unless you are anti-meat I strongly urge you to get practice w chickens and
rabbits and growing your own food. The ability to grow plants from cuttings is a pretty good skill too. Lots of tutorials on that all over the place.
(3 )The longest journey begins with a single step: Feeling bummed out by the musicians and their culture? Go to the store and get some ugly potatos that are beginning to sprout. Cut them up in four pieces each and dry them. Plant them, anywhere. Plant them even somewhere you dont own, in a ditch, an obcsure place, a vacant lot. They will probably grow. Start your connection with nature. It may be symbolic but it is symbolic of your self-evolution.
(4) Try looking on Zillow and Craigslist for a little snip of land someplace that you might call home. Strange little unwanted pieces of land that might be just right for you for you to begin your new life on. You can do Permaculture on a 1/4
acre properly placed.
(5) Cultures that fish generally have more food security. Make sure your little piece of heaven is near a river with good fishing.
(6) Bicycles: If you are able, get a good basic bike and learn to fix and maintain it as a backup to the truck. It can be a life-saver.
(7) Acquire some hand tools at yard sales and swap meets. Go for rusty an cheap, orphan tools, and clean them up with some flat coca cola as solvent and a wad of aluminum foil. Or white vinegar works for that too. A good box of tools is a lifesaver. I've found great tools put out at the curb, rusty and unwanted.
(8) In some parts, there are so many
trees that homeowners
advertise free
firewood for the hauling. That can also be the nucleus of a stackwood or cordwood house....just a thought...
(9) Develop community on boards like this. Start taking pics off your digital device and document it for others, you may find some interest if you are able to tell your story visually.
Some ideas, not all will work, hope something hits the spot...best with your journey.
Mike