My life according to my SPAM folder

I'm noticing a distinct trend in my SPAM folder lately.

On alternate days I receive several messages regarding the state of my "manhood" and what to do about pesky problems affecting that appendage. These are directed at me both from a male perspective (longer, harder, incredible stamina) and from a female perspective (do you want him to be harder/longer, last longer yadda yadda) - I guess they're covering all their bases ...

The next day I receive a host of online dating solicitations. As yesterday was all about my "manhood" and it's issues - today it appears that I am on the hunt for "cougars", "seniorpeople" and "blackpeople". The other day I was apparently in the mood for "cheatingwives", "barely legal teens" and "chinagirls" - this again after addressing issues of my (nonexistent) "manhood".

And if my SPAM folder is to be believed, I also desperately need to check my credit score and enjoy the wonder of a $5000 loan waiting for me right now! Woo hoo!

And I am ROYALTY. I have a LOT of long lost uncles that are princes in Nigeria.

R Scott wrote:And I am ROYALTY. I have a LOT of long lost uncles that are princes in Nigeria.

I'm humbled to be in your royal presence - although it doesn't stop me from pondering if my manhood is up for some princely action! You know how I am!

I've never looked at it that way.
Today, apparently I'm over weight (guilty ) , need to sell my nonexistant timeshare, a jewish single searching for a mate (still pondering that one), and have enough fashion sense to recieve a reward for my opinion.

Wow - Joe, you're much more diverse than I am. It's all about sex and money with me! However, I do look forward to the annual spamming of the weight loss ads:

--Lose 10 lbs in an hour with "insert name of celebrity here"!
--10 foods you should NEVER eat to get "insert name of ideal body part here"!

Hey, I've never been solicited for my fashion sense. However, this just in - apparently "Chinese Hotties" are waiting to meet me! It's because of my manhood, ya know.

Uh, did Paul already start sending out those thumb drives with all the podcasts? Amazon.co.uk sent me a message today that my order is on its way. I don't remember ordering anything, but there's an attachment I could click on.

Don't click on it!!! I get those to - they are phishing emails...

I think that it really is quite telling of the human race in general that the most effective ways to get at us is SEX, DRUGS and MONEY!
All of our real problems seem to stem from lack of quality food, water and education. But it's all about boner pills and free money... Right? So so sad

Craig Dobbelyu wrote:I think that it really is quite telling of the human race in general that the most effective ways to get at us is SEX, DRUGS and MONEY!
All of our real problems seem to stem from lack of quality food, water and education. But it's all about boner pills and free money... Right? So so sad

Yep - that's exactly what I thought, too. Mostly I find it amusing in both a "my culture is messed up" way and a "twisted humor" way that these are the triggers that speak to people. Playing to people's fear, greed, insecurities or need for gratification is what most of these are about. Not that I don't have all these emotions from time to time - they just don't usually manifest in a way that would drive me to click on any of this stuff.

And I still want to know why I haven't been selected to receive emails about my fashion sense!!!

Jennifer Wadsworth wrote:Don't click on it!!! I get those to - they are phishing emails...

I don't understand how they expect to catch fish with an email......

I did tech support for a government agency once. These folks are at risk of losing their jobs if they do anything dodgy on the internet. I got a call from one of my straight arrow customers who was nearly panicked. She said "I just checked my email and um..." (embarassed silence) I laughed and said "Offering to increase the size of a body part you don't have, are they?" "Yes!! How did you know?" I told her I got them all the time because one of my email addresses was on the agency web site. I assured her that she could just delete the email without opening it.
Couldn't offer any help to the morons caught downloading porn on work computers though. Including one guy at the help desk! The guy who was assigned to do random checks on people said I had an extremely boring internet history to look at. Mission accomplished.
I confess, I have an automated discard for the spam folder every 30 days, so I only look once a month to make sure something I care about isn't in there.

WOO HO!!! I'm rich...

we have deposited the check of your fund (2.700,000,00USD) through western union department after our finally meeting regarding your fund, All you will do is to contact western union driector via E-mail( westnunionbenrexxxxxxx)

He will give you direction on how you will be receiving the funds daily. My agreement with them is 5000USD daily until the whole funds is transferred to you, Contact western union director Mr. Jame Anderson send him your Full information to avoid wrong transfer such as,

Receiver's Name_______________
Address: ________________
Country: _____________
Phone Number: _____________

contact Mr. Moche Anderson or you call him +229-9809#!%& as soon as you receive this email and tell him to give you the Mtcn, sender name and question/answer to pick the 5000 Please let us know as soon as you received all your fund,

Thank you.
Regards

I was kind'a feeling left out (NOT) and now I've been discovered by the 419 scammers.

http://www.419eater.com/

I haven't looked in my spam folder for ages... gmail filters seem to be really accurate as I'm not aware of missing any emails in years.

I can highly recommend a (paid for) service called "sanebox" - which helps organise and filter your emails before you read them.

Finally, finally, I have been solicited to share my fashion sense - I have ARRIVED! Alas, none of my royal relatives wants to get in contact or promise me vast wealth.

On to my dating life:

Now instead of getting spammed by all sorts of dubious "dating services" I'm now getting coy personalized emails from individual men:

--Sender: Matt Topic: "I tried calling you last night"
--Sender: Shane Topic: "Can we talk?"
--Sender: Dominick Topic: "Call me, I long to hear your voice"

(I got about 7 of these overnight)

However, my pesky manhood problems persist. I'm counting on a payday loan and BB cream to make me attractive enough so that no one notices.

Seriously - does this type of SPAM ever work??

I believe it must work on some level or they would stop. Tells us a lot about humans.....

I got a new work email address a few months ago and had spam in it before I could log on the first time.....

Joe Braxton wrote:I believe it must work on some level or they would stop. Tells us a lot about humans.....

I got a new work email address a few months ago and had spam in it before I could log on the first time.....

Joe - unfortunately I believe you're right that it must work on some level.

And I'm impressed at your popularity - getting SPAM before you could even log into the account - well done!