Introducing Thneedwort, A Miraculous Plant to Cure All Your Problems

Did you hear about the virtues of the Thneedwort plant? They can be used to treat menstrual cramps, depression, anxiety, excessive cheer, diarrhea, dropsy, death, dementia, dysentery, dilapidation, derring-do, and more! However, they MUST BE USED UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF A CREDENTIALED PROFESSIONAL TO REGULATE DOSAGE. If one does not do this, THE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DEATH, HALLUCINATIONS, COMA, PERMANENT PSYCHOSIS, KIDNEY FAILURE, DELIRIUM, HEART ARRHYTHMIA, FEVER, DILATED PUPILS, BLINDNESS, RESTLESSNESS, STRANGE OR FRIGHTENING DREAMS, SHORT AND LONG TERM MEMORY LOSS, POSSESSION, AND DEATH. Thus, one should ALWAYS consult a CREDENTIALED PROFESSIONAL to ensure proper dosage.

At Cheerful Potato Mountain Herbs, we offer CREDENTIALED PROFESSIONALS on call to help you to get the dosage right. We also sell VERIFIED, ENCAPSULATED HERBS for safe medication.

Did you know that we grow our own herbs right here on the farm? Yes, we do! We grow them under the perfect conditions so as to get a PERFECTLY UNIFORM AND EFFECTIVE PRODUCT to sell for medicine. Do not trust those SCAMMERS who sell an UNTESTED, UNRELIABLE FORM of Thneedwort herb, as CONCENTRATIONS OF THNEEDIN MAY VARY, LEADING TO DEATH, COMA, PSYCHOSIS, BELLIGERENCE, BALNEOPHOBIA, MALOCCLUSION, BONE DENSITY LOSS, NIGHT TERRORS, PARALYSIS, TELEKINESIS, TELEPORTATION, KIDNEY FAILURE, CANCER AND DEATH.

However, we believe that in a large number of cases and given PROPER CARE BY A CREDENTIALED PROFESSIONAL such as our own, most patients, whatever their problems, will improve DRAMATICALLY when dosed with our 110% CERTIFIED ORGANIC THNEEDWORT CAPSULES.

HAVE A GOOD DAY!

Cheerful Potato Mountain Herbs, please tell me more about Thneedwort as an internet search came up ZERO.

Why recommend something that causes:

M said, THE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DEATH, HALLUCINATIONS, COMA, PERMANENT PSYCHOSIS, KIDNEY FAILURE, DELIRIUM,

Anne Miller wrote:Cheerful Potato Mountain Herbs, please tell me more about Thneedwort as an internet search came up ZERO.

Why recommend something that causes:

M said, THE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DEATH, HALLUCINATIONS, COMA, PERMANENT PSYCHOSIS, KIDNEY FAILURE, DELIRIUM,

It's probably just a very hamfisted joke and not anything real.

I don't have a sense of humor so maybe that is it ...

But why?

Anne, I think M Ljin is writing this in fun and maybe a bit targeted at pharmaceuticals we see advertised where they claim to fix what ails you, ask your doctor! and then in small print list all of the horrible side effects!!!

'tongue in cheek'
😊

You made me laugh, M. Thanks!

Jim

Thneedwort may be better known by its latin name, Truffula curans.  

For more on the farm, see: https://permies.com/t/363079/Job-Offering-Cheerful-Potato-Mountain

A well-known health and wellness author, Mr. Marcus Sands, at the tender age of thirty-one, was found in his bed cold and dead one wintry morning by his wife, Margaret. The cause of death was unknown. Not long before he was to be lowered into his dark and lonely grave, Mrs. Sands, seeing nothing to lose, measured out an ounce of thneedwort herb, infused it in water at 200F for ten minutes, and injected her dear deceased husband with 5ml of the solution. Within ten minutes, his body had warmed again, and he jumped three feet up out of his coffin, alive and quite well.

Another case. In 1832, Samuel Cheerful II discovered a large grove of Truffula curans growing along Potato Mountain Road. He cut the foliage and brought it back to his sheep, who eagerly ate the foliage, and were impatient for more. He was unsure how they would react and so he refrained. But he saw that their fleeces had begun all on their own to spin and weave themselves into the softest and finest of cloth, turning themselves into tweed coats for the sheep. When Samuel took them off (after some struggle), he found that they would fit not only the sheep, but somehow, himself, his wife, his children, and even the horses. It seemed independent of the laws that govern ordinary matter. He went back to the thneedwort grove and gathered some more to feed to the cows. Over the next three days, their milk production quadrupled. Next he fed it to the horses; they could soon go at a run without stopping for an entire day without feeling tired!

Finally he tried some for himself, and found that he gained psychic powers such as precognition, teleportation, flight, passing through walls, being in many places at once, being able to see faraway places, and being able to travel through the heavenly abodes. He rode his dragon up to Mount Meru, where he met the gods and was allowed to traverse their immense, bejeweled palaces of gold and silver. When he returned, he was a bit tired, so he went and took a nap. When he awoke his tuberculosis had gone into remission, and it never came back in all his long life of ninety-three years.