How do I turn my wish into reality?

What state, I’m curious?

Mariya Bee wrote:

Anne Miller wrote:Have you thought about looking for a Wwoofer position near your location so you do not need to travel alone?

https://permies.com/wiki/213640/wwoofing/experiences/WWOOF-USA

https://permies.com/t/2917/volunteering/experiences/Great-Resources-Volunteering

Years ago, I had the $50 year subscription and visited a few in my area with my dad. With each one, it didn't work out: they didn't think I'd work enough, needed heavy lifting (which I don't do), etc etc. just wasn't my path...

Sorry, I had no idea there was a cost involved.

I worked with volunteers for many years, not Wwoof and there was never a cost involved ...

There must be some volunteer something near you that does not have a cost.  What about a State Park or National Park, National Forest, etc.

I am a believer in positive thinking.  There are folks that believe that visualizing something makes it happen.

Napoleon Hill firmly believed in and promoted the practice of visualization, emphasizing it as a crucial tool for turning desires into reality through mental focus, faith, and the power of the subconscious mind. He advised creating vivid mental blueprints of desired outcomes, using the senses to make the visualization real, and employing it in daily rituals with positive emotions to attract opportunities and align circumstances with one's goals.

Hi Mariya,
Don't spend your prescious energy to worrying too much. Just do your daily stuff, or if it's not enough, pick up a hobby that fascinates you, moves you, nourishes you.
You already know which way you want to go. Live your daily life, take babysteps in the right direction where they pop up on your path, keeping your eyes open for opportunities... Try to tune your inner energy in tune with the deeper flow of Life 'out there'. <--- try to keep it tuned.
Big squeezy hug from the other side of the pond.
Good luck!

M Ljin wrote:What state, I’m curious?

Maine

Anne Miller wrote:Napoleon Hill firmly believed in and promoted the practice of visualization, emphasizing it as a crucial tool for turning desires into reality through mental focus, faith, and the power of the subconscious mind. He advised creating vivid mental blueprints of desired outcomes, using the senses to make the visualization real, and employing it in daily rituals with positive emotions to attract opportunities and align circumstances with one's goals.

Thanks Anne, I've tried visualizing, idk how it works for others but my wishes used to only come true when I forgot about them ironically

Nina Surya wrote:Hi Mariya,
Don't spend your prescious energy to worrying too much. Just do your daily stuff, or if it's not enough, pick up a hobby that fascinates you, moves you, nourishes you.
You already know which way you want to go. Live your daily life, take babysteps in the right direction where they pop up on your path, keeping your eyes open for opportunities... Try to tune your inner energy in tune with the deeper flow of Life 'out there'. <--- try to keep it tuned.
Big squeezy hug from the other side of the pond.
Good luck!

Thank you! Trying my best! There must be some extra law of attraction advice for those going through a decade long spiritual awakening where nothing of the old interests them anymore while the new hasn't yet arrived and all they want to do is be in nature and listen to the silence or birds.... Lol

I gotta admit I'm starting to see the perspective of the pessimists that I used to help. When day after day, you are in an apartment trying to focus on peace, then construction noises begin, odors or fumes from the downstairs paint jobs rise, you want to run outside but you don't feel peaceful in the neighborhood either, you know you'll just come back 10 minutes later. There are good days too when it's quiet and wind comes through the window, you are grateful for those days but are struck with total emptiness, still not knowing where to go and what to do. You imagine a place where you feel happy and free, but you don't know where it is, and so the waiting game begins.

Your words cause me to think of this quote

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
we have come to our real work
and when we no longer know which way to go,
we have begun our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings."
~Wendell Berry

I do understand that you know how you want to live, just not how to get there.

As others have said, small directional steps could take you where you want to go.

Is anything tying you to your current living situation?

...maybe just breaking out of your lifestyle in any direction might shake things up a little and give you a new perspective?

Judith Browning wrote:Your words cause me to think of this quote

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
we have come to our real work
and when we no longer know which way to go,
we have begun our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings."
~Wendell Berry

I do understand that you know how you want to live, just not how to get there.

As others have said, small directional steps could take you where you want to go.

Is anything tying you to your current living situation?

...maybe just breaking out of your lifestyle in any direction might shake things up a little and give you a new perspective?

I really like that quote! It's definitely relatable. Just the confusion of not knowing is keeping me from making a change and also plans failing from the other end whenever I finally want to give something a try!

Judith, I also think I'm not sure I know exactly what I would choose but I know I want a place where I can experiment and a partner to experiment with, then perhaps invite others to join us. I want to experiment with sleeping under the stars, growing some of my own food, living without a clock and a calendar, without electronics, all the things that I used to write about, I'd like to actually explore.

Today is one of those days where I feel hopeless. I have tried to find something for 7 months, but of course it had to pass through my intuition and most things felt worse than where I am now. I've waited and waited, and posted and tried dating sites and nothing felt right, no options felt better. Prior to the 7 months, I prayed and waited for a miracle to bring me to my place and people. I got to move out of a chaotic household in the city to another spot in the city because I knew no other place that had a space for me. It was a family friend. A common theme in my life was always leaving a place because it was bad for me but I haven't found a place I actually WANTED to go to or stay at. And I really need that. I really really need that...

Bad relations with others are really hard. I can tell it is still weighing on you a lot.

Maybe your intuition is telling you that these options aren’t right because you need to work on your relationship with your ancestors? Feeling uprooted from your family cannot help, and I remember reading you and your family were uprooted previously too, via migration (a cycle of unsafety/uprootedness). It might be that you need to work with your relationship with family to the point where, maybe you don’t need to move back with them or be totally friendly, but at least make some kind of peace.

(Assuming your ancestors are involved—it could be a bad romantic relationship too.)

I have worked on my relationship with my parents for a while now because I knew in my soul that was what needed work. It has been rewarding though hard. As Andrew Marlin sings: “Unlearn to live like prey”. I don’t know what sort of music you like (besides live and acoustic) but the whole song (Watchhouse, “Sway”) has themes that are relevant.

I believe now strongly that our relationship with ancestors is the root of our disconnection with nature and the world as a whole. I could share my experience of growing up in rural Vermont, in my opinion paradise, being taken foraging mushrooms, ramps and fiddleheads with my parents since before I could walk, and still feeling as a child an absolute dissociation with everything, walled off from everything, from my own body even, by my fear and powerlessness, my imprisonment in a human form, in a house, subjected to the wills of parents and teachers, adults. It wasn’t ever like I was cut off from external nature physically, and spiritually I was connected to the beauty and wonder of nature outside myself, but rather from my own inner, human nature. I would look for fairy doors in the forest to a land where I would be freed from the suffocation caused by the ancestral trauma of civilization. It’s the human nature, the one that comes from our ancestors who cause us to live, that seems to need the most healing.

I also find that the more I balance my relationships with land, neighbors, friends, and family, the less I need any of them to take care of me/make me feel safe. Some people are good at some things, others less so. One person might help with garden work but be completely useless with emotional support, or the other way around, for a contrived example. Maybe you need to give something to someone who can’t give it back to you but needs it, and that helps the community go round, same with other people and you. In certain indigenous societies (Mayans for instance) someone could go their whole life without experiencing true romantic love but still feel satisfied and in community. Martin Prechtel calls this “marrying the village” and it is a reminder of how the more connected we are the less we need one person to satisfy us. Really, community isn’t just us and our neighbors, it is our entire ecosystem, including humans/ancestors, mice, rocks, birds, mushrooms, trees, herbs, and mosquitos.

How does this sit with you?

M Ljin wrote:Bad relations with others are really hard. I can tell it is still weighing on you a lot.

Maybe your intuition is telling you that these options aren’t right because you need to work on your relationship with your ancestors? Feeling uprooted from your family cannot help, and I remember reading you and your family were uprooted previously too, via migration (a cycle of unsafety/uprootedness). It might be that you need to work with your relationship with ancestors to the point where, maybe you don’t need to move back with them or be totally friendly, but at least make some kind of peace.

I have worked on my relationship with my parents for a while now because I knew in my soul that was what needed work. It has been rewarding though hard. As Andrew Marlin sings: “Unlearn to live like prey”. I don’t know what sort of music you like (besides live and acoustic) but the whole song (Watchhouse, “Sway”) has themes that are relevant.

I believe now strongly that our relationship with ancestors is the root of our disconnection with nature and the world as a whole. I could share my experience of growing up in rural Vermont, in my opinion paradise, being taken foraging mushrooms, ramps and fiddleheads with my parents since before I could walk, and still feeling as a child an absolute dissociation with everything, walled off from everything, from my own body even, by my fear and powerlessness, my imprisonment in a human form, in a house, subjected to the wills of parents and teachers, adults. It wasn’t ever like I was cut off from external nature physically, and spiritually I was connected to the beauty and wonder of nature outside myself, but rather from my own inner, human nature. I would look for fairy doors in the forest to a land where I would be freed from the suffocation caused by the ancestral trauma of civilization. It’s the human nature, the one that comes from our ancestors who cause us to live, that seems to need the most healing.

I also find that the more I balance my relationships with land, neighbors, friends, and family, the less I need any of them to take care of me/make me feel safe. Some people are good at some things, others less so. One person might help with garden work but be completely useless with emotional support, or the other way around, for a contrived example. Maybe you need to give something to someone who can’t give it back to you but needs it, and that helps the community go round, same with other people and you. In indigenous societies (Mayans for instance) someone could go their whole life without experiencing true romantic love but still feel satisfied and in community. Martin Prechtel calls this “marrying the village” and it is a reminder of how the more connected we are the less we need one person to satisfy us. Really, community isn’t just us and our neighbors, it is our entire ecosystem, including humans/ancestors, mice, rocks, birds, mushrooms, trees, herbs, and mosquitos.

How does this sit with you?

That's very beautiful and makes sense. Healing the ancestral trauma has been a theme of mine, definitely. But in my current situation, it is the location and lack of nature, places to spend time in nature that are making me feel uneasy. Of course people have a lot to do with it too, they are the ones making frequent construction noises and odors. Likewise, other people help me get away from it at times too...depending on who

Are you eating, drinking and sleeping enough? City noises are of course a cause of shallow sleep or sleep deprivation and that can mess with our ability to think/dream our way out of a bind, and that can be self-perpetuating when the anxiety it creates carries on and disrupts sleeping. And being well fed with balanced food and hydrated can’t hurt. Dehydration especially tends to make perception sharper and imagination less potent—leading to difficult concentration, higher sensitivity to noise, etc. Not that the noise isn’t awful, but anything we can do to help can make a difference.

Also sufficient exercise like walking…

Dreaming is also important for processing our situation, imagining/visioning a way out, and lifting the overwhelm and anxiety that the waking mind is wont to create, and the insights gained are often precious. My life has followed my dreams much more than it has followed my wishes—though my wishes are the direction, and dreams the path. (Both are necessary…)

M Ljin wrote:Are you eating, drinking and sleeping enough? City noises are of course a cause of shallow sleep or sleep deprivation and that can mess with our ability to think/dream our way out of a bind, and that can be self-perpetuating when the anxiety it creates carries on and disrupts sleeping. And being well fed with good food and hydrated can’t hurt. Dehydration especially tends to make perception sharper and imagination less potent—leading to difficult concentration, higher sensitivity to noise, etc. Not that the noise isn’t awful, but anything we can do to help can make a difference.

Also sufficient exercise like walking…

Dreaming is also important for processing our situation, imagining/visioning a way out, and lifting the overwhelm and anxiety that the waking mind is wont to create, and the insights gained are often precious. My life has followed my dreams much more than it has followed my wishes—though my wishes are the direction, and dreams the path. (Both are necessary…)

Makes sense! I've been oversleeping, actually. Eating is ok and drinking! I got into this cycle of trying to find a way out and feeling drained because it required internet research (and I'm electrosensitive), failing and then trying again and again and again.... Until I talk to people for hours online who make me feel more calm but physically extremely drained. Then I spend some days just not talking to people online, and feel better physically but also trapped again.