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How to Meet Gentle Souls  RSS feed

 
garden master
Posts: 2764
Location: Greater Houston, TX US Hardy:9a Annual Precipitation: 44.78" Wind:13.23mph Temperature:42.5-95F
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My mom makes some good points every now and then, and I like her thoughts about "my age group" and their "labels". Essentially, what she has said and still says to me is that by making labels for ourselves and others, we are missing the whole point of these movements. The point is to unify ourselves and bring us together, and the creation of labels and attachment to these labels can further divide us. And I think my mom is right about this. In one of my own communities, the LGBTQ+, there is more than enough strife to go around within the community, because everybody has their own labels. And in the words of one of my favorite songs Why by Supaman, "Why do we call them Black, them White, them Asians, and use labels? Now that's racism".

This brings me to the purpose of the thread I am making right now. I see discussions happening on the How to Meet Men (for ladies) and How to Meet Girls (for guys), and I want to contribute to the discussions but cannot, because me liking men does not apply to either of these. So, instead of further dividing and labeling, I want to bring the discussion to a broader generalization under for the inclusiveness of more people.

How do we meet other gentle souls? Make meaningful lasting relationships that have the potential to blossom into romances?

Although I do not subscribe to the romantic period notion of love as two people with missing pieces searching to find another piece (person) to make them whole, there was an article that I read (which I can't find anymore, grrr) that described love as two people in two separate fortresses (their solitudes) sending waves out to each other's fortress and that the maintaining of individuality keeps the relationships healthy. That in this style of love, instead of melding two people into one, we place each other at the doors of someone else's fortress and protect each other's solitude. I find this to beautiful, because I could survive without having time to myself to be alone and think to myself and knowing someone is there to protect my me-ness is a comforting thought.

I have tried to find someone to be a partner with for a while, but I have not met anyone of quality through the social media platforms out there. So, I have resolved myself to only stick with people I meet in person and in real life. Although none of my romantic interests have panned out, for one reason or another, my friendships, my good friendships, are going well. And I think there is somethign to just being myself and being who I am. I didn't really seek out the friends that I have good relationships with, it just kinda happened. Maybe people can just tell who resonates on the same frequency as them. Because I just was going about my life, i think, and somehow I met other kind gentle souls to be around. I know this isn't quite helpful, but I think we just attract other people like us when we don't actively seek others out and just let stuff happen. And having these good relationships, making a support network, seems very permaculture to me, as I have many shoulders to lean on, instead of just one. And I don't honestly feel that much of a need/desire to have "the one", because I have multiple friends fulfilling the different functions of a lover.

So, going back to the topic at hand. How do you meet other gentle souls and make lasting meaningful relationships?
 
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I don't see romantic love in the same light as you do, but I do think that the best way to find people is to actively engage in what you love.

My own concept of romantic love is more along the lines of two individuals who are whole and complete in and of themselves joining together for mutual companionship, enjoyment, and support. We (that is, my partner and I) are together because we help each other become our best versions of ourselves, and support each other in our efforts.

Similarly, I build my friendships around mutual support and enjoyment.

Getting back on the topic of how to meet gentle souls (whether for romantic partnerhood, friendships, or roommates), I think the best way is to engage in group versions of your passions. Like, I love gardening, and I'm a member of a local gardening group that shares produce, advice, labor, and throws regular potlucks. I also am part of a few different communities in my town, and I've met and befriended a number of people through them.

I also have meet friends through shared housing. I find the key is to put it in you ad exactly what kind of weird you are, so people who love that are excited, and people who don't love it steer clear. For example, in my most recent housing ad, I included that we compost, garden veganically, are car-free, and like to do acrobatics. Someone who likes those things are going to be stoked to find someone else who does too, while others are going to run in the opposite direction.
 
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Location: Arkansas Ozarks zone 7 alluvial,black,deep loam/clay with few rocks, wonderful creek bottom!
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Wonderful...I think you've got a great perspective Dave!

Most relationship builders discussed in the threads that you mention are not really gender oriented nor exclusively for boy/girl relationships in spite of how they are worded...and I agree with your mom about labels although I think at a certain age we want that label as a peer group identity to hang on to.  I loved the term 'freaks' back when and felt a closeness to others who identified themselves that way...and, of course, that was never gender specific.  

I'm looking forward to this discussion.



 
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Location: Middle Georgia
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A meditation group (or drum circle or similar environment) may be a good place to meet "gentle souls". From my experience those groups are predominantly made up of women with a few single gay males, and a couple of straight guys accompanying their wives/girlfriends. They also usually shun mean spirited gossip, drama, and the like.

As far as other group interests, I guess it depends on how you define a "gentle soul" and if that is really what you want. Are gardeners gentle souls? I think it is a pretty mixed bag. I know for a fact many (if not most) animal lovers/rescuers aren't gentle souls seeing as how I am one of them and have know lots of folks that do rescue etc... Meditation or Reiki type groups are the only ones I can think of.
 
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Location: West Midlands UK (zone 8b) Rainfall 26"
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I'm not really interested in meditation circles.  I suppose there might be other gentle souls there who've joined to meet people even though they're not that into meditation, but it seems risky and rather dishonest.  I'm into Morris dancing and allotment gardening.  It's a big commitment to join an activity like that and then find it hasn't worked!  Morris dancing - well I keep trying to recruit people but there just aren't the numbers to give me a fair chance of meeting someone appropriate.  I'm sure there are appropriate people at events we dance at, but I feel a bit predatory sizing evryone up.  The allotment is even worse, mostly inhabited by old blokes and very few women, and then you're stuck with it.  Not that I mind.  I am just having a love affair with the allotment instead.

I think by their nature gentle souls move slowly in smaller circles, and are more difficult to find.  So I will consider online ways of finding them.  From time to time.  Then I get disillusioned again...

Funnily enough the coffee shop downtown from where I work is advertising "chatty coffee" on Fridays "come and meet like-minded people" how can they say that when they have nooo idea what my mind is like (and would probably be slightly traumatised if they did)?  But I might try it anyway!
 
Judith Browning
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Location: Arkansas Ozarks zone 7 alluvial,black,deep loam/clay with few rocks, wonderful creek bottom!
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I didn't really seek out the friends that I have good relationships with, it just kinda happened. Maybe people can just tell who resonates on the same frequency as them. Because I just was going about my life, i think, and somehow I met other kind gentle souls to be around. I know this isn't quite helpful, but I think we just attract other people like us when we don't actively seek others out and just let stuff happen. And having these good relationships, making a support network, seems very permaculture to me, as I have many shoulders to lean on, instead of just one. And I don't honestly feel that much of a need/desire to have "the one", because I have multiple friends fulfilling the different functions of a lover.



I like what you said here Dave...I have found "the one" and our meeting and friendship began without any contrived or deliberate circumstances...just as you say 'it just kinda happened'....and without the aid of social media.

Most of my long standing friends, including my spouse, I met while enjoying similar events or tasks, etc.  Many are fellow homesteaders who lived in the same county as us and for years our closest friends were fellow craftspeople that we would see at craft shows during the year....many things in common, growing food, trying to live with less and make some money selling our crafts, raising young children, ....many, many basic principles in common, both local and global....much like permies but face to face in real time where it was easier to read body language and hear tone of voice.
 
Dave Burton
garden master
Posts: 2764
Location: Greater Houston, TX US Hardy:9a Annual Precipitation: 44.78" Wind:13.23mph Temperature:42.5-95F
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I think that is part of the hard part, at least for me. I like planning, and getting out of that nasty habit of planning too much, I'mt slowly finding that letting things be just leads to better outcomes than I could have thought of before, like the spontaneous conversation I had with a friend who saw me walking around barefoot today on campus. I would never have thought to talk with them at that time at that place, but it just happened, and it felt good.
 
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