Single Canadian woman seeking Bigfoot for conservation

Salmon thieves kept taking Bigfoot's salmon. So the bank promised a safe place that would offer interest on salmon as other bigfoots needed salmon loans to buy caves.  But the loans became usurious and Bigfoot couldn't take out all of his salmon without penalty. The banks also loaned more salmon than what they had.  They offered Bigfoots Salmon Bonds... but the Bigfoots know that paper-salmon-promises of real salmon are LIES. Many Bigfoot caves were later foreclosed from bad salmon-loans.

Terry Bacon wrote:Salmon thieves kept taking Bigfoot's salmon. So the bank promised a safe place that would offer interest on salmon as other bigfoots needed salmon loans to buy caves.  But the loans became usurious and Bigfoot couldn't take out all of his salmon without penalty. The banks also loaned more salmon than what they had.  They offered Bigfoots Salmon Bonds... but the Bigfoots know that paper-salmon-promises of real salmon are LIES. Many Bigfoot caves were later foreclosed from bad salmon-loans.

I actually live in the bigfoot sighting capital of the world. We have a statue of bigfoot in town, and well I have some news; not only is bigfoot beardless, but also bigfoots(bigfeet?)like many of the larger primates/great apes, bigfoots/bigfeet are actually vegan. They have a special gut bacteria that synthesize proteins internally from raw materiels optioned from eating fruits, nuts and vegetation, but never Salmon

Bigfoot eats salmon for extra protein and for THE GAINS.

Terry Bacon wrote:Bigfoot eats salmon for extra protein and for THE GAINS.

They're 100% vegan.they leave the salmon for the bears, and avoid the exposure that catching salmon would entail.

The largest mammals generally are vegetarian/vegan, and so all their protein and gains come from gut microbiota just as with bovine, gorillas & orangutan, elephant etc. The highest protein diets are had by eating vegetation and but bacteria converting that vegetation into essential proteins by way of synthesis.

It would be abnormal for a primate of that size to not be a vegetarian, and if it weren't it's impact would more easily detected. There is not a stream in the PNW that isn't highly documented and under observation where the salmon are.literally counted by fish biologist.

Bigfoots generally stay in the interiors away from the major rivers and the tributaries where the salmon spawn. Elsewhere where they are sighted, like the California redwoods or the US south eat there are no salmon where they are sighted.

Of course there is no salmon. The banks took it all, lost them to bad loans and sold the debt to China and Japan.

Bigfoot has big feet, therefore finding a shoe to fit is impossible. They also have big heads, so naturally they avoid small hats.

I sometimes worry if the plethora of corporate Trolls pushing their masters' agendas so aggressively in the last few years could have displaced the Sasquatch population.  But some really smarterer peoples have said that some things are too big to fail, and if that's true, it must be especially so for Bigfoots...

Coydon Wallham wrote:I sometimes worry if the plethora of corporate Trolls pushing their masters' agendas so aggressively in the last few years could have displaced the Sasquatch population.  But some really smarterer peoples have said that some things are too big to fail, and that must be especially so for Bigfoots...

Bigfoot is arguably smarter than Man. You will probably never see him, and if you do.. he won’t be wearing clothes, nor paying taxes.

Bigfoot knows most taxes are theft and that pants are prisons.

I have no proof but have been told that Bigfootians are gluten and dairy intoleratnt and some of the noise associated wih them (and smells) are nothing more than stomach rumblings and well flatulence.

Robert Ray wrote:I have no proof but have been told that Bigfootians are gluten and dairy intoleratnt and some of the noise associated wih them (and smells) are nothing more than stomach rumblings and well flatulence.

So, instead of fossil fuels, Bigfeets use natural gas!

Another reason to protect them harvesting a renewable resource.

Poor bigfoot, they are trying to find him to force him to pay carbon taxes

I think he might have a legal case the carbon is sequestered for a time there is a lot of mileage in a big foot intestine.

I think it's possible their farts create a hallucinogenic aura that causes people not to see them. For all we know, there could be millions out there.

Terry Bacon wrote:pants are prisons.

   

Terry Bacon wrote:Bigfoot knows most taxes are theft and that pants are prisons.

There is a big secret hidden in there, how does he do it? I drop my pants for 30 seconds in the woods to take care of business and so many mosquitoes violate my 'no-fly' zone that I can't sit down for an hour.

It is good incentive to poop fiercely though...

Adam Gardener wrote:

Terry Bacon wrote:Bigfoot eats salmon for extra protein and for THE GAINS.

They're 100% vegan.they leave the salmon for the bears, and avoid the exposure that catching salmon would entail.

The largest mammals generally are vegetarian/vegan, and so all their protein and gains come from gut microbiota just as with bovine, gorillas & orangutan, elephant etc. The highest protein diets are had by eating vegetation and but bacteria converting that vegetation into essential proteins by way of synthesis.

It would be abnormal for a primate of that size to not be a vegetarian, and if it weren't it's impact would more easily detected. There is not a stream in the PNW that isn't highly documented and under observation where the salmon are.literally counted by fish biologist.

Bigfoots generally stay in the interiors away from the major rivers and the tributaries where the salmon spawn. Elsewhere where they are sighted, like the California redwoods or the US south eat there are no salmon where they are sighted.

Adam, that's very informative.

Please, notice that Terry is talking with metaphores. The salmon in her narrative might be an actual issue with salmon (maybe she loved salmon and the other guy hated it), maybe it's a metaphore for other kind of stuff (salmon might be 'real' stuff, unlike money, which nobody really knows what it is), maybe it's both, or neither.
I love salmon by the way, both in her metaphore and in reality.

She's also trusting us with bits of her story, if you pay attention.

PS: My wild theory about bigfoot is that they all shaved and learned to play basketball, and now they're disguised among us and make commercials for Nike.

Bigfoot 4ever

Nice.. Virgin Littlefoot vs. Chad Bigfoot. Status: Mogged

t. Noticer

Well from my view, she's sharp, funny and veerry interestink.
First time I've ever caught myself wishing I was a sasquatch.
I do like smoked salmon, but alas, only a size 10 foot.

Meeting a Bigfoot is so rare, most people go an entire lifetime without meeting one. Are you prepared if you do? Encounters are often quite fleeting and only last a few seconds. Do you have some good pickup lines ready to stop that 'Squatch in his tracks? Maybe all the good permie people can help a girl out...

1) Are you a rare sighting? Because I can't believe my luck in finding someone like you
2) I may not have photographic evidence, but I'm pretty sure you're the missing link to my happiness.
3) Can I take you on a date? I promise, it won't be as hard as finding you.

Those are pretty sweet. It would be a shame to waste such a name, though. Maybe something like:

"I know you like salmon, but how would you feel about some BACON?"

"Once you go Bacon, your WORLD will be quakin'!"

Lol!

Bacon be shak'n

THE PLAN

1) BUY LAND
2) USE GARDENING KNOWLEDGE TO PLANT HIS FAVOURITE FOODS
3) WAIT FOR SASQUATCH
4) WHEN HE ARRIVES, FEED HIM CHILLI
5) FEED HIM MORE CHILLI SO HE IS TOO TIRED TO LEAVE
6) START A SAVE A SQUATCH RESCUE NONPROFIT
7) KEEP HIM
BREED MORE SQUATCHES
9) CREATE AN ARMY OF SQUATCHES
10) UNLEASH THEM ON THE WORLD

Why is it that big foot sighers all have 20-200 vision and/or 200 kilo pixel cameras from a distance of a quarter mile.

I would call step 3 of the plan:  Squatch Watch!

I just stumbled across this and thought of this thread

I must be part bigfoot, cause those cheeks look familiar

See! I told you bigfoot was often sighted with UFOs. Nessie, now that's a new one on me. But I guess it makes sense...bigfoots are too big to ride a horse, so they must need something bigger. I thought a bigfoot flying a UFO would be super cool, but Bigfoot riding a Lock Ness Monster? Majestic AF.

Jordan Holland wrote:See! I told you bigfoot was often sighted with UFOs. Nessie, now that's a new one on me. But I guess it makes sense...bigfoots are too big to ride a horse, so they must need something bigger. I thought a bigfoot flying a UFO would be super cool, but Bigfoot riding a Lock Ness Monster? Majestic AF.

Pretty sure that is the Lake Tahoe monster known as Tahoe Tessie. I think that's more bigfoot country than Scotland

Adam Gardener wrote:Pretty sure that is the Lake Tahoe monster known as Tahoe Tessie. I think that's more bigfoot country than Scotland

Looks like the ruins of Castle Urquhart in the background to me. I'll bet it's in ruins because the soldiers there started some beef with bigfoot a long time ago.

Jordan Holland wrote:Looks like the ruins of Castle Urquhart in the background to me.

Yes, it really does!

Jordan Holland wrote:

Adam Gardener wrote:Pretty sure that is the Lake Tahoe monster known as Tahoe Tessie. I think that's more bigfoot country than Scotland

Looks like the ruins of Castle Urquhart in the background to me. I'll bet it's in ruins because the soldiers there started some beef with bigfoot a long time ago.

You're right that bigfoot left it in ruins, but that was vikingsholme castle on the shore of Emerald Bay on lake Tahoe California in the heart of Bigfoot country. Here is a pic before bigfoot up rooted the pines and smashed it to bits & burned what would burn before riding off to safety and the back of Tahoe Tessie.

Adam Gardener wrote:

Jordan Holland wrote:

Adam Gardener wrote:Pretty sure that is the Lake Tahoe monster known as Tahoe Tessie. I think that's more bigfoot country than Scotland

Looks like the ruins of Castle Urquhart in the background to me. I'll bet it's in ruins because the soldiers there started some beef with bigfoot a long time ago.

You're right that bigfoot left it in ruins, but that was vikingsholme castle on the shore of Emerald Bay on lake Tahoe California in the heart of Bigfoot country. Here is a pic before bigfoot up rooted the pines and smashed it to bits & burned what would burn before riding off to safety and the back of Tahoe Tessie.

...hopefully for Tessie's sake he rode off sitting on a saddle...

THAT'S A CASTLE!

Poop fiercely.