lost in the world, homeless, looking for direction & purposeful living

My name is Christopher and I'm 30 years old. I've made an absolute mess of my life and currently trying to pick up the pieces and start fresh. I'm not looking for a hand out, only a hand up. I have crippling ptsd and social anxiety because of physical/psychological/sexual abuse I suffered at a very early age and my life has been trauma after trauma after trauma after crisis after crisis after crisis it seems like. I don't know how to function in 'normal society' but when I sit down and really ask myself what would make me happiest and what I want to do with my life and with my time - there is nothing that interests me more than permaculture, homesteading, farming/gardening and learning to live simply and humbly off the land. I have a very difficult time fitting into the social norms and status quo that people usually expect me to conform to but I decided instead of forcing myself to meet these expectations I wanted to find someone willing to teach me what they know so that I can just reconnect to the earth, find meaningful work that I can do to give back to the earth and hopefully learn and grow and find the healing I'm looking for that modern psychiatry has not been able to provide. I am currently staying in a hotel and my mentor/sponsor has agreed to take care of my traveling expenses if I can find a farm willing to take me in. I am looking for something more long-term but if it doesn't work out I will make arrangements to go elsewhere. Please message me or contact me on here or email me at cmmrq at protonmail dot com. Thank you! Right now I am in Indianapolis, Indiana so something close to here would be preferred but I am able to make arrangements to get a greyhound ticket if necessary.

- CM

Hello and welcome to permies.  Sounds like a rough time.  

I don't know if this is your thing, but the boot camp at wheaton labs is a great way to learn permaculture by doing.  

r ranson wrote:Hello and welcome to permies.  Sounds like a rough time.  

I don't know if this is your thing, but the boot camp at wheaton labs is a great way to learn permaculture by doing.  

Thank you. It's been rough but I'm resilient.

That bootcamp looks really awesome actually and I may talk to my mentor about this.

I'm really nervous about working with a group that large honestly but I'll consider it! It definitely looks like I could learn a great deal.

I need to look into pricing to get to montana (?) as well as coming up with the $100 sign up fee but if there's still openings for new boots this might be a good route to take.

Thanks again, R Ranson!

I am so sorry for the traumas that you have had, and the resulting struggles, my heart hurts for you. A long time ago, someone helped my son, and he was able to overcome; it was a long road.  

I am sorry that I have no present solution to offer, but I will be praying for you, if that is acceptable; that a way is provided, and a new start.  

May God bless you.

beth Cromwell wrote:I am so sorry for the traumas that you have had, and the resulting struggles, my heart hurts for you. A long time ago, someone helped my son, and he was able to overcome; it was a long road.  

I am sorry that I have no present solution to offer, but I will be praying for you, if that is acceptable; that a way is provided, and a new start.  

May God bless you.

Beth,

Thank you so much and yes that is very acceptable and welcomed as I need all the prayer I can get.

Your response really brought joy and warmth to my heart.

Seriously, I've been in a really dark season and although I haven't lost my faith entirely it has been quite difficult to muster up half of the time.

I hope God bless you in return.

Smart move getting into permaculture. You don’t need to be around too many people when growing and working with plants. Green world is soothing you will touch base and gain convidence while healing you and a bit of earth. Hope you find a place soon. Did you try wwoofing?
Good luck.

Sounds like a great opportunity Christoper, I hope it works for you
From time to time I need timeout from the crod, and thats when I take 'John time', it maybe just a few hours removed from the crowd or a few days.
Nobody challenges me when I say what my plan is, in fact few even ask.
So I find I don't have to go through the ordeal of explaining what I am doing, and that makes it easier.

I hear you, I'm in a somewhat similar situation myself. Currently have my jaw wired shut due to an assault, but the wires should be coming off Wednesday! Since I graduated college right when the economy was crashing I got off to kind of a slow start and never really recovered, between having cruddy/sporadic work experience and absolutely no desire to have a "corporate job" despite having an excellent work ethic and wanting to cover my own expenses. I've been wanting to get started living off the land for a few years now, and this latest incident has pushed me to the point of actually researching what opportunities are available as far as working for room/board while learning the ins and outs of permaculture. Like you I'm also struggling in regards to my faith after what I've been through, but I suppose God has His own way of blessing our efforts in due time.
I'm sure the vast majority of the lovely people on here have nothing but good intentions and stellar attitudes, but keep in mind there MAY be people who see "volunteers" as someone they can keep around/exploit in an inappropriate fashion. I say this only because some of my experiences "working" in agriculture have been little more than slave labor, and because in remote areas it can be hard to get help, or simply to get out when you need to. My intention in saying that is just to encourage you to REALLY check out the people/place you are going in advance of getting stranded there... In my opinion having a larger number of people there is probably a little safer, since there are others around and the group is friendly enough for people to not run off at the first opportunity. It also increases the odds that there will be someone around who you really get along with, which is an important part of recovering from PTSD as long as you don't over-identify or get possessive.

I am looking for permaculture minded people to help occupy my property in Maine if anyone browsing this thread may be interested.

Seeking a simpler, quieter life is a good thing. Just be prepared for the possibility that when you remove the noise and distraction, things will come to the surface and you will be forced to deal with them.

If you have ever watched that reality TV series "Alone", or even "Naked and Afraid" you will be familiar with what I'm talking about.

You mentioned PTSD. Based on the little information you provided, can I ask if you are also dealing with DID?

Bill Andrychowski wrote:I am looking for permaculture minded people to help occupy my property in Maine if anyone browsing this thread may be interested.

Hi Christopher,  Sorry for not addressing you directly in my first reply, in retrospect that was probably a little rude as you are the OP.  What I have to offer may not be a good fit as it is not an established farm but more of a sanctuary with farmstead potential but please feel free to contact me if you might be interested.  I hope things are going alright for you and that you are looking ahead to a brighter future.

Hi my name is mark ludeman. i might be able to help you and you us.  we have a farm and healing center  outside of portland oregon. we need helps with the farm and all kind of projects and we also do physical and emotional healing work. here is our developing web page Healingyourheartwithlove.org    you can find me on facebook under my name and learn more about us there ane pm me there or email me through my web page thanks

I'm not sure the OP is checking this thread anymore but I did want to say that I think it's brave to speak openly about mental illness and seek a way through that you can be proud of.  Best of luck to you, Christopher.