180cm tall, two legged problem

Hi guys!
dont get me wrong, Im not fighting mutant bugs, but rather one I cant just feed to the chicken, being of the human kind, hes "immune" to the usual remedies.

The last newsletter got me thinking about trying to post here, since theres way more experience spread across you guys.

Issue being, no matter what I tell the guy, he thinks to know better or usually just forgets (age), typically straight up killing parts of plants, but just recently over 80% of... EVERYTHING! still thinking he did the right thing (no matter how I try to explain basic physics or biology)

Also thought of putting up signs, but he doesnt see/read very well, thus I was hoping you have some ideas, so I dont just pack&leave, being family and after all the time&money he invested in getting the water well going again (hes not a bad guy after all)

Cheers!

I don't think anything really can help and keep you in good terms. He must be thinking that you are letting weeds go rampant and your weeds are gonna spread all over to the neighbours, causing them more damage, which might be true if they are gardening with chemicals.

Maybe you can show him a bill for how much economical damage he has caused to your crops and support species. Name and number of species killed, value lost, then sum them all, put a price on what he has done to you. Next time he tries to kill your plants, hand the bill and ask for a fine if he doesn't stop.
I guess they don't understand when you try to explain what you are trying to accomplish, but they sure must understand that they are causing you economical damage when they destroy the work you have been doing and the money you have invested.

Who knows? Maybe talking to someone who has influence over him is enough.

Or, if you want to think in terms of "the problem is the solution", maybe you can make him do some work in a way that doesn't ruin everything. If he wants to kill weeds, maybe there's one or two places where you can ask him for his help, and sacrifice this area so he lets other parts of your garden be. You know him better than any of us, so you might find a better strategy.

Older family can be difficult.   You love em, but you really want them to understand that as an adult yourself you can do things your own way.  Does he have areas that are his responsibility or is this one gardening area you both use?

My mother and I have some different approaches to gardening. She's honestly better than me, I  want perennial polyculture which mostly take care of themselves. There are areas of the garden where we mostly follow her techniques and there are areas where I do my experiments.


If they have areas where they can demonstrate how they think things should be done, or use as a 'control' to judge your experiments against they might gain a mental distance to let your things be. You areas could be reframed as a valuable learning experience they are giving you.  Don't know if it will work. I have always felt particularly blessed with the mother I have. I do understand the frustration that comes when someone is so helpful and supportive that you trip over them.

Casie Becker wrote:Does he have areas that are his responsibility or is this one gardening area you both use?

yes, hes got his are and Ive got a separate one, behind a fence and some sheets

I do love all sorts of inputs from any one, even a 3yo can give you tips worth gold, but it is indeed harder to manage when those inputs are randomly applied without considering any facts (like he was trying to kill bugs that didnt exist in the first place)

Maybe I gotta put up a motion sensor, with camera and speaker, hooked up to my phone, so I can "shoo" him (which I would have rather expected doing for the cat)

Cheers for your inputs! in case you have further ideas, Ill stay all ears

If you want to take that route, sprinklers activated by motion is a classic.

Abraham Palma wrote:If you want to take that route, sprinklers activated by motion is a classic.

Your solution is better, and funnier than mine.  I was thinking, if he doesn't see well, an electric fence is probably the way to go...

Trace Oswald wrote: I was thinking, if he doesn't see well, an electric fence is probably the way to go...

Trace, I'm trusting you meant this in good faith, but may I suggest that although I'd go for it with "young and healthy" but unwelcome, I would never use this if it was "elderly with questionable heart status". We recently lost a chicken to electric fencing - one of Hubby's over-bred types - but there are actual rules where I live about electric fencing because there is some risk.

Smith Angelo wrote:Hi guys!
dont get me wrong, Im not fighting mutant bugs, but rather one I cant just feed to the chicken, being of the human kind, hes "immune" to the usual remedies.

The last newsletter got me thinking about trying to post here, since theres way more experience spread across you guys.

Issue being, no matter what I tell the guy, he thinks to know better or usually just forgets (age), typically straight up killing parts of plants, but just recently over 80% of... EVERYTHING! still thinking he did the right thing (no matter how I try to explain basic physics or biology)

Also thought of putting up signs, but he doesnt see/read very well, thus I was hoping you have some ideas, so I dont just pack&leave, being family and after all the time&money he invested in getting the water well going again (hes not a bad guy after all)

Cheers!

I would replace their chemicals when they aren't looking. Rinse out the containers REALLY well and refill them with water, add some food color if necessary.

Jay Angler wrote:

Trace Oswald wrote: I was thinking, if he doesn't see well, an electric fence is probably the way to go...

Trace, I'm trusting you meant this in good faith, but may I suggest that although I'd go for it with "young and healthy" but unwelcome, I would never use this if it was "elderly with questionable heart status". We recently lost a chicken to electric fencing - one of Hubby's over-bred types - but there are actual rules where I live about electric fencing because there is some risk.

Yes Jay, I was just joking.  I won't even use electric chicken netting, for the reason you gave.  I wouldn't intentionally shock someone.

Trace Oswald wrote:

Jay Angler wrote:

Trace Oswald wrote: I was thinking, if he doesn't see well, an electric fence is probably the way to go...

Trace, I'm trusting you meant this in good faith, but may I suggest that although I'd go for it with "young and healthy" but unwelcome, I would never use this if it was "elderly with questionable heart status". We recently lost a chicken to electric fencing - one of Hubby's over-bred types - but there are actual rules where I live about electric fencing because there is some risk.

Yes Jay, I was just joking.  I won't even use electric chicken netting, for the reason you gave.  I wouldn't intentionally shock someone.

We use electric fencing on the *outside* of some of our chicken shelters due to racoon pressure. If children come and visit, I explain it to them and their adults, but if they don't listen, I consider it a valuable life lesson and tell them as much - tears are fine, but learning listening skills could save their life in the future!

The meat bird snuck out during a move and I thought Hubby had turned the fencing off (he actually installed a toggle in our units so we can turn them off without unplugging them as the plugs are hard to reach), but he'd forgotten to, and by the time I had the poor bird herded back to the run area, it had been zapped and didn't make it.

We bought some net fencing and Hubby used it once and it was a total pain. I used it once for some young ducks I needed to separate for a while, but I never actually hooked a zapper to it! The rest of its life, it's sat rolled up. Some day we might find a good use for it, but not this day!

Dave Pennington wrote:I would replace their chemicals when they aren't looking. Rinse out the containers REALLY well and refill them with water, add some food color if necessary.

Unfortunately its not that easy, most of the stuff he uses is in solid form (powder, granulated etc)

As for the electric fence, that wont do much... hes the kind that burn entire body parts with boiling oil and put it off like nothing happened (it would probably be more effective against me than him)

You say that nothing you've told him has helped. Have you tried asking him why he is doing these things though? Knowing his motivation might lead to more effective solutions. Plus, maybe connecting and showing curiosity might itself help. If he thinks he's helping you or just wanting to feel purposeful, maybe you could guide him to things that actually help you. Of course, if he believes his way of doing things is the only "right" one, that might be harder and sprinklers might be the answer. Or you mention that your area is fenced. Is there a gate that you could lock so he can't access it?

Heather Sharpe wrote:You say that nothing you've told him has helped. Have you tried asking him why he is doing these things though? Knowing his motivation might lead to more effective solutions. Plus, maybe connecting and showing curiosity might itself help. If he thinks he's helping you or just wanting to feel purposeful, maybe you could guide him to things that actually help you. Of course, if he believes his way of doing things is the only "right" one, that might be harder and sprinklers might be the answer. Or you mention that your area is fenced. Is there a gate that you could lock so he can't access it?

His reason was to fight bugs, although I explained him why not to use pesticides multiple times, but he also applies fertilizer without a real need for it, probably because its been hard wired in his head by marketing & believe me, Ive tried the guidance approach, but he tends to look at me like I live in some sort of fairly tale wonder land (even if Im just defending the wasps role in nature)

The problem with the sprinklers is that they could end up causing more damage, since its already a very humid climate and all the plants around the entrance like it dry (or they rot away), while I cant lock it up either, otherwise id lock up the chickens too (which are technically his babies)

As I said, you know the bug better than any of us, so you are the best candidate for finding the optimal solution.
I hope we gave you enough options to increase the range of your strategies.

If I may, I'd like to suggest that you 'meditate' first on what you really want to do. You know, sometimes your first impulse is not what you really wanted to do. Take your time, since it clearly matters to you. The meditation technique I've learned works by sitting in a complete still position, controlled regular breath, then raise the issue to a discussion with yourself, exploring the consequences, and observing your emotions as you imagine the different outcomes. Five to ten minutes. It may take a few sessions until you are satisfied with your decision.

Abraham Palma wrote:If I may, I'd like to suggest that you 'meditate' first on what you really want to do.

Of course you may, thats exactly why I posted here, broaden the spectrum, re-evaluate, next try!

Any thing that lowers negative stress and avoids aggressions is worth gold wrapped in platinum

Cheers guys!

That sounds really stressful, frustrating, and exhausting. It sounds like you've tried everything you can currently think of, and it's still a very rough situation.

That sucks. You have my sympathy that such a pest has visited your garden.

T Hunte wrote:sounds like you've tried everything you can currently think of

Thats probably part of the problem, some one else might be able to say one thing and its dealt with, while others struggle more

Maybe tell him that you're running an experiment. If SHTF and there was no fertilizers/chemicals of any kind, what would grow in your garden?  Different parts of the garden may have different conditions, but you require absolutely no chemical inputs of any kind to run this test. He may know you well enough to sense the BS but there may be enough truth in there to work.

If that doesn't work, then I would suspect that he doesn't respect your work. Which is a very different issue.