Homeschooling a special needs child

My daughter's foray into public education will end after her elementary days in two years.  I'm very happy with her elementary experience as she has a spectacular aide and her therapists and special needs teacher are top-notch and she has flourished.  Unfortunately middle school bring about entirely foreign territory where all of the people that have been instrumental in her education will no longer be with her and from my own research,  special needs kids are more segregated at that point.  I haven't fought for the last five years to have her spending her days away from the kids she's known and loved.  So I'm trying to prepare for homeschooling, which is extremely daunting as our only foray into it during the pandemic had us both bouncing our heads off of the table in frustration.  

The biggest challenge to date is the fact that I was a kid who sailed through school with little effort and very little studying.  It wasn't until attending college in my late twenties that I really began to study as I was paying for my own education and failure wasn't an option.   I decided to withdraw from college a credit away from my senior year because trying to achieve a double major and working became a bit too overwhelming.  My GPA was high and I originally planned to take a year off, but twenty years later I still haven't returned and honestly have no desire to.

My daughter on the other hand struggles with reading and writing though her communication skills have improved exponentially in the past year.  Her comprehension is impressive as she masters a preferred task almost immediately.  I've incorporated signing into her routine as we regularly spell out words as part of her reading comprehension.  Writing is a challenge as she'll trace letters but has no interest whatsoever in making letters herself.  Her coloring skills have improved and she loves art but no interest whatsoever in writing.  Her IQ is unknown because she refuses to cooperate with testing which is a bit of a dilemma because those of us who work closely with her know she's more intelligent than she lets on.  

My goals are to have my little oasis pretty much established by the time we start homeschooling.  There will be a small hoophouse and an even smaller greenhouse that I envision being great classrooms on sunny days in the winter.  We'll likely ditch a regular classroom setting as that just didn't work for us in the past, but instead trying to incorporate learning into our daily lives.  This may prove to be a challenge as my daughter is extremely routine-oriented, but I'm sure we're going to encounter several hurdles along the way.  As far as supplies,  I could probably stock an art department as I've always had a love of art and never pass up a box of pastels or watercolors at the thrift store.  I'm also an intermediate seamstress and experienced quilter.  My materials of choice are old jeans and cotton shirts as I tend towards a recycle and reuse mentality.  We have quite a library of children's books and an even bigger library of adult books as well as a good selection of gardening,  foraging and homesteading titles.  I have downloaded a ton of homeschooling worksheets over the years but my daughter is a hands-on learner and in my opinion learning by doing is superior to any worksheets.

Also we're not an overly social family.  Yes I volunteer at school and for a few other organizations I'm active with, but other than family we pretty much spend our time working and improving our little farm and home.  We may occasionally set up a play date with some of my daughter's friends but I don't see us ever being involved in sports or the like.  My daughter is a very social child unlike I was.  I would run and hide any time someone came to visit while she's a bit apprehensive at first, she quickly warms up to company.

Anyone have any advice for a homeschooling newbie?  Have you faced the challenge of homeschooling a child with special needs and if so, what worked for you?  How do you interest a child in writing?  I feel that even if I prepare in earnest, I'll still be totally unprepared when the time comes.  

I would try to find a homeschooling group in your area! Facebook is an easy place to start, by searching for your state and things like "homeschool group," "adventure group," and "forest club."

Sometimes these groups meet at parks and sometimes they meet at people's houses. But, either way, they are a nice way to give your kid the socialization she needs and also give you moral support (and sometimes tips and tricks for teaching). Some homeschool groups will also have the parents divvy up subject areas by who's proficient in what. So one person might teach history, another science, another language arts, etc. These groups usually only meet one or two times a week, so you'll still be doing a lot of the homeschooling at home. But, they give you encouragement and give your kid fun.

I also find socializing easier when it's people I've known a while and if we share interests. It also helps when there's kids that we're watching or activities that we're doing at the same time. That way, I can always focus on the kids or the activity if adult conversations get hard or I get burnt out on socializing.

Some states have public homeschool programs or charter schools. I know Oregon has an online school that many homeschoolers utilize so that they don't have to plan all the lesson plans. Washington State has a bunch of public homeschool co-ops that are also nice. Maybe see what your state has to offer.

I really appreciate the accountability and support of a homeschool group. It's really easy to start feeling lost, or feel like you're failing, or just lose motivation. A good group of homeschooling families really helps!

Can you engage with the future middle school now, to find out what kind of support they could give your child?  Unless they have positively said so, it may not be the worst case scenario that you suspect.  From what you say, she is a social child and thrives on routine.  This sounds like school to me!  She may not achieve academically, but school may still have a positive impact on her childhood/teen years regardless of this.  

I'm not saying your plan to homeschool is wrong.  You know your child and situation best.  But it might be worthwhile to make an appointment and have a talk with the middle school about your daughter and her needs and see what they say.  Good luck!

Bravo and gold star to you--you can do this, no matter what the view from the bottom of the mountain looks like now! Homeschooling happens day by day, after all, so you have hundreds of days every year to reassess and tweak what your school day looks like.

I myself was homeschooled K-12 and am now homeschooling my daughter (8), and so I could give you a whooole bunch of thoughts, but really you will have to experiment for the first couple of years and learn yourself as a teacher and your daughter as a student and zillions of other things. Remember:

Something can be excellent even if it is not perfect. Perfect is pretty much impossible in this world, so go for excellence!

It really is one day at a time. Wake up in the morning and give that one day your best, and that's all you have to worry about that day.

Every student is different and has his/her own special needs (like every plant), and homeschooling provides the flexibility to factor that all in (as a well-designed Permaculture system benefits every plant individually and all the plants as a whole).

You've got this--you already have fantastic ideas of what to do and how, and build from the solid foundation you already have in progress. Make sure to take time to encourage and recharge yourself throughout!

As Nicole mentioned there are a lot of homeschool groups on local, state and national levels.

These also offer help with curriculum, get togethers, etc. so look for one that is local.

Also be sure and keep in touch with currant friends.

Are there some local special needs groups?  these can be an important part of homeschooling.

G Freden wrote:Can you engage with the future middle school now, to find out what kind of support they could give your child?  Unless they have positively said so, it may not be the worst case scenario that you suspect.  From what you say, she is a social child and thrives on routine.  This sounds like school to me!  She may not achieve academically, but school may still have a positive impact on her childhood/teen years regardless of this.  

I'm not saying your plan to homeschool is wrong.  You know your child and situation best.  But it might be worthwhile to make an appointment and have a talk with the middle school about your daughter and her needs and see what they say.  Good luck!

I've spoken with several people in the special education department and unfortunately she would be segregated except for maybe art or music.  Also her aide (who is phenomenal) will not be able to follow her because of personnel issues within the system.  Also our middle school special ed department was recently audited and failed miserably.  My conversations with parents of older children haven't been very positive either.  At our recent IEP meeting I told everyone they had two years to change my mind

I'm going to throw out one more idea here:  are there any other schools?  I know, some rural areas don't have multiple schools.  My teens were spent in the sticks of Eastern Utah but even there we had two choices of middle/high schools (one was 30 miles east of us and the other 30 miles west, go figure).  Where I live now there are many schools and even special needs schools within that 30 mile radius;  I know this because I work in a local school and have worked in quite a few others including a special needs school.  If there is any other school you can feasibly commute to, I would suggest reaching out to any and all of them too.  

Some thoughts on what I would do if I were in the situation of not being able to send my child to school any more:

My little girl isn't special needs but she is absolutely a very social child and needs her routine like yours.  If I were forced to take her out of school (which for me would be absolute torture!) I would schedule in regular playground time after school so she could play with other kids, preferably every day.  Also regular playdates with any friends, maybe on the weekends.  Learning time would have to be structured so she would know what to expect every day.  For instance, on Mondays we will do such-and-such from 9 till 10, then have an hour outdoor play, then 11 till 12 we will do so-and-so and then we will have lunch.  My little girl is very committed to her own routine and gets frustrated if we deviate, so the schedule would have to be planned out and in place from the get go.  She also gets cabin fever if we stay at home all day (like on a rainy Sunday) so we try to get out of the house, even if just for a walk;  daily exercise is a must for her.

And I would have to schedule my own time too.  We all need time for ourselves;  it's so hard to be devoted to someone else's needs when no one looks after your own needs.  This is already true in my own life!  I have kids, I have a husband and a job and a house and garden which all NEED me.  But not one of them turns around and says, can I fill any of your needs?  I have to make time for myself or I'll go crazy.  

We're pretty rural.  Our county only has one middle school and high school.  There is a private school twenty miles away but it's not an option.  

Preparing kids to be adults is hard work.
What type of work could you see her doing when she is an adult and you aren't there? (Technical skills)
How would she fit in in a work social group, what type of group?
What skills does she need to learn to be a wife, role-model/parent?
They are a quite a few trades that she could do vs going to college.
What happens if she changes her made and say I want to attend the local high school for grade 11?
What social afterschool/sport/church/club groups can she attend on a weekly basics, not just as a 11yr old but also as a 17year old kid.

Spend this time a download/edit/create some schedules/syllabus for the next 9years of school, obviously it is going to change and it will depend on so many factors, put it doesn't hurt to go thru the motion.

What are your thoughts on moving to a more supportive location, maybe even outside of the state that you are currently living in?

S Bengi, plenty of food for thought.  She just turned nine and still figuring out her interests so quite a few unknowns.  

I let her help with chores within reason and her coordination has improved enough that we're going to try hand sewing over the summer.  She likes to help me plant and water seeds but gets bored with garden work quickly.  Art seems to be her preferred subject and I let her explore her creativity.  Her science grade in school went from a C to an A in the last quarter so maybe all our explorations on our property have had an impact.  

She does have school friends who we see on a regular basis and there's an inclusive play group in town every two weeks for special needs kids of all abilities.  Though I'm not a social butterfly, I am an active member of two organizations besides PTO and she is exposed to other adults and kids regularly.  

As for moving, it's currently not an option.  We own our land and are debt-free.  Husband and I are middle-aged,   family is here and getting older and my daughter adores her grandparents and cousins.  Neighboring counties aren't any better in regards to special education.

I can see why homeschool is feeling like it could be the right choice for your family.  The no. 1 thing I would reitterate that everyone else is saying is connecting with other homeschool families in your area so she can connect with other children on the regular.  And I'm glad y'all have already connected with an inclusive play group that she can connect with other children at.  I'd say that socialization is hugely important for all children, whether they think they need it or not, school is basically 30 percent academic and 70 percent social after all, and that's why homeschooling takes way less hours in the day for most folks.  You can use that extra time for her to do things with other kids, even if its not every day its important.  She knows she likes being around other kids so that's great because it won't feel like a chore to get her  out of the house visiting.

I think its exciting that she loves art, might be ready for sewing, and is getting into science, even gardening isn't her jam right now.  You seem like a very responsible parent!