Looking for the perfect companion…

Now, there are tests to be passed before matrimony is to be considered. I shall list them thus:

1. Out loud, one must be able to read a Ketubah backwards and then forwards three times over, without the use of written vowels, and without any mistakes.
2. Also without mistakes, one must be able to recite the Mahabharata in a single sitting, backwards and then forwards in Pig Latin, from memory. However, only once is necessary.
3. Also, pick three bushels of nettles with your teeth and not get stung.
4. Build a palace only out of materials that have been nibbled by a giant millipede, and which have not been touched by the sun’s rays.
5. Grow an acre of seed hemp without losing a single seed to birds.
6. Fell a great tree seven feet wide with only an axe that has no blade.
7. Catch a rainbow (a real one, not a trout) and tie it in a knot.
8. Be able to heal any sickness by snapping one’s fingers.
9. Spin and weave a galleon’s sails from spider’s silk.
10. Use one’s magical influence to cause rain to fall across the whole Sahara for a hundred days in a row.

These are my ten requirements. If you are interested and believe you may meet them, then please reply.

Most of your tests would be a breeze for me, a few might pose a slight problem, and a couple I just plain did not understand.

But your post made me smile and even laugh.

So many thanks for this most excellent post!!


May you find, in all things

Peace

No mention of a shrubbery? There must be a shrubbery!

!

Maieshe Ljin wrote:Now, there are tests to be passed before matrimony is to be considered. I shall list them thus:

M'lady, what proofs do you require? i have some qualities that may intrigue. Though I can only offer the testimonials of honourable knights bromance beer-soaked louts in regards to the more magical points.

I'll cover all this and more in my dreams tonite, but I have a tendency to forget them in the morning?

My lady, I have just now returned in triumph from my quest to rid the back yard of the vile and loathsome critters known in the common tongue as Yellow Jackets.

Rejoice in my victory over these critters and my being in somewhat questionable health yet still untouched by their sting!!! (my hands smell of old gasoline)

I beg your pardon while I wash yet again.

If any of the above naves have given offence, say the word and I shall remove their heads for you.

I do so hope this will read as funny as I hope it may.  I'm still happy after reading your post earlier!


Peace

Ah but a wise grasshopper knows that there is no such creature as "the perfect companion" although many dating site preferences would have us believe otherwise.
Rather seek a loving companion willing to put up with our own unjust expectations and ineptitudes.

The perfect companion: flowers!



source

I had an employee in his 20s. He was an excellent worker, good looking,  and quite pleasant.  He never kept a girl friend for more than a few months. A counselor, who also worked for me, explained that the relationships ended when when this employee detected a flaw in the girl he was dating.  This, now ex, employee is almost 50 and is still single.

Would you like someone to tell you sweet lies, rub your feet and feed you delicious snacks while you wait?  

Flowers are so far the only ones to prove they have passed some of the tests.

1. Out loud, one must be able to read a Ketubah backwards and then forwards three times over, without the use of written vowels, and without any mistakes. Snapdragons, the talking flower, wins
2. Also without mistakes, one must be able to recite the Mahabharata in a single sitting, backwards and then forwards in Pig Latin, from memory. However, only once is necessary.Snapdragons too!
3. Also, pick three bushels of nettles with your teeth and not get stung. Nettles are a flower, right? Anyway, their "teeth" part participate in the picking.
4. Build a palace only out of materials that have been nibbled by a giant millipede, and which have not been touched by the sun’s rays. Though they have never seen the light of day, the stalk of a garlic mustard plant is nibbled by a millipede, who spits it out, disillusioned. A small bird gathers these north-slope flower stalks and builds a palace from them.
5. Grow an acre of seed hemp without losing a single seed to birds. The hemp plant grows itself in a ditch, with the intention of feeding the birds and then being scattered a bit. Thus no seeds are "lost".
6. Fell a great tree seven feet wide with only an axe that has no blade. An abnormally dense garlic mustard population weakens the tree by allelopathy, causing the tree to become susceptible to fungus (the axe with no blade) and falling over.
7. Catch a rainbow (a real one, not a trout) and tie it in a knot. Well... I have yet to see this.
8. Be able to heal any sickness by snapping one’s fingers. Flowers cure many things... I suppose the stalks are fingers, so when they are "snapped" (harvested) they go to the noble pursuit of healing.  
9. Spin and weave a galleon’s sails from spider’s silk. Also not yet accomplished...
10. Use one’s magical influence to cause rain to fall across the whole Sahara for a hundred days in a row. Possible but not yet demonstrated.

What an awesome riddle! Bravissimo! Bravissimo!

Carmelo Panucci wrote:Would you like someone to tell you sweet lies, rub your feet and feed you delicious snacks while you wait?  

LOL, I always thought that would be a great line. Not that I have any affinity for hookup culture. But even though I am 6 ft. tall I was never quite cute enough to get on that ride.

Thank you! I actually only realized when Anne suggested it that flowers could directly and indirectly fulfill some of those requirements.

Maieshe Ljin wrote:.....
6. Fell a great tree seven feet wide with only an axe that has no blade. An abnormally dense garlic mustard population weakens the tree by allelopathy, causing the tree to become susceptible to fungus (the axe with no blade) and falling over.
7. Catch a rainbow (a real one, not a trout) and tie it in a knot. Well... I have yet to see this.
8. Be able to heal any sickness by snapping one’s fingers. Flowers cure many things... I suppose the stalks are fingers, so when they are "snapped" (harvested) they go to the noble pursuit of healing.  
9. Spin and weave a galleon’s sails from spider’s silk. Also not yet accomplished...
10. Use one’s magical influence to cause rain to fall across the whole Sahara for a hundred days in a row. Possible but not yet demonstrated.

Re:  #6   But is the tree still "great" if it can be felled by a fungus?  More importantly, does its fall make a noise if we are not present?

#7   Will 'conceptually caught' suffice?  https://www.nature.com/articles/nphys1504        ....article providing photo below.

#8   Meditation can likely heal most illnesses yet has been an elusive practice for most Westerners and an increasing number of Easterners.  The 'beat poet' audience of the 1950's came close to a "bridging approach" to meditation when snapping their fingers in applause to their favored performer.

#9   Don't some spiders move through the atmosphere via their threads like sails in the wind?  Would coaxing the spiders to produce a full sail be not only out of the question but also skirting the requirement?  And as a possibly insightful cross-fertilization of these concepts, might this be where we get the phrase "Three sheets to the wind?"... (inquiring minds want to know!.....)

#10    Hmmmmm,,,, Drat!  Still waiting on some parts to repair my "way-back" machine [if you were privy to the exploits of Peabody and Sherman from the original Bullwinkle series :-)  ]  That would provide the magic to transport us to the 'salad days' of a paleolithic Saharan paradise.     https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/what-really-turned-sahara-desert-green-oasis-wasteland-180962668/


(.....Sheeesh, I need to stop combining Turkish coffee with a stomach full of salt-water taffy this late in the day!.....  ;-X  )

Carmelo Panucci wrote:Would you like someone to tell you sweet lies, rub your feet and feed you delicious snacks while you wait?  

You mean stevia? Of course! Insurance against the slugs in case they eat the one I already have.  (But is it really a lie when you know they aren’t full of sugar?)

Most Excellent!!

I've given you all the thumbs up thingies that I am allowed to give.

I have apples that I would give out, if I was allowed too.

The one pie slice I have has been promised to another.

nough said!! Very Well Done.


Peace (I'm still smiling)

John Weiland wrote:

Maieshe Ljin wrote:.....
6. Fell a great tree seven feet wide with only an axe that has no blade. An abnormally dense garlic mustard population weakens the tree by allelopathy, causing the tree to become susceptible to fungus (the axe with no blade) and falling over.
7. Catch a rainbow (a real one, not a trout) and tie it in a knot. Well... I have yet to see this.
8. Be able to heal any sickness by snapping one’s fingers. Flowers cure many things... I suppose the stalks are fingers, so when they are "snapped" (harvested) they go to the noble pursuit of healing.  
9. Spin and weave a galleon’s sails from spider’s silk. Also not yet accomplished...
10. Use one’s magical influence to cause rain to fall across the whole Sahara for a hundred days in a row. Possible but not yet demonstrated.

Re:  #6   But is the tree still "great" if it can be felled by a fungus?  More importantly, does its fall make a noise if we are not present?

#7   Will 'conceptually caught' suffice?  https://www.nature.com/articles/nphys1504        ....article providing photo below.

#8   Meditation can likely heal most illnesses yet has been an elusive practice for most Westerners and an increasing number of Easterners.  The 'beat poet' audience of the 1950's came close to a "bridging approach" to meditation when snapping their fingers in applause to their favored performer.

#9   Don't some spiders move through the atmosphere via their threads like sails in the wind?  Would coaxing the spiders to produce a full sail be not only out of the question but also skirting the requirement?  And as a possibly insightful cross-fertilization of these concepts, might this be where we get the phrase "Three sheets to the wind?"... (inquiring minds want to know!.....)

#10    Hmmmmm,,,, Drat!  Still waiting on some parts to repair my "way-back" machine [if you were privy to the exploits of Peabody and Sherman from the original Bullwinkle series :-)  ]  That would provide the magic to transport us to the 'salad days' of a paleolithic Saharan paradise.     https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/what-really-turned-sahara-desert-green-oasis-wasteland-180962668/


(.....Sheeesh, I need to stop combining Turkish coffee with a stomach full of salt-water taffy this late in the day!.....  ;-X  )

😯

Ask him to find me an acre of land, between the saltwater and the sea sand.

...