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Your Favorite Colloquialisms

 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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What things have you heard said that tickle your porch rocking sensibilities ?
Like , when people are asked " How are you ? " and they say :
"Fine as frogs hair "
"Rough as a cob "
"As useless as tits on a bull"
Or : "I'm as nervous as a whore in church"

Instead of "See you later " my grandfather would say "On the bye and bye " {whimsical } or "Asta la vista , salami and cheese"

One I am still ruminating on : I was in a small club in Texas and this industrial band was screeching away . The crowd was full of sweaty twentysomething dudes covered in tatoos , nipple-ear-nose-eyebrow rings and plugs. I stepped into the mens room and this old weathered rancher with western boots , bowlegs , and a face parched like a tortilla chip turns to me and says :
"You know , those boys out there act like you can get milk without eating grass "

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Matu Collins
Posts: 1947
Location: Southern New England, seaside, avg yearly rainfall 41.91 in, zone 6b
81
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"You can put kittens in the oven but that don't make em biscuits"
 
Chris Lumpkin
Posts: 49
Location: Richmond, VA (zone 7a)
7
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Straight from the Northern Neck of Virginia...

After a good meal: "I'm as full as a tick"
Asking what time it is: "Half past a monkey's ass, and a quarter to his balls"
Saying you want or wish for something: "Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first"
 
John Polk
steward
Posts: 7926
Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
350
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An old navy Chief, commenting on a group of new recruits doing what should have been a simple job:

It's like watching 40 acres of goats fucking on a 10 acre farm.



 
John Polk
steward
Posts: 7926
Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
350
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She has more loose screws than an old Studebaker.

 
Dale Hodgins
Posts: 9002
Location: Victoria British Columbia-Canada
707
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Not worth a pinch of coon shit.

Lazier than an old hound dog.

Bass ackwards.
Nuckin futs

Busier than a one armed paper hanger.

 
John Polk
steward
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Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
350
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The one that always makes me wonder is "Happy as a clam."
(How do you tell the difference between a happy or a sad clam?)



 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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John Prine quote - " When the world was flat as a pancake , Mona Lisa was as happy as a clam ."
Dale sounds like he has supervised some work crews . How about " Moving like a herd of turtles" or " It's time to open up a can of whoop ass ! "
When someone is bending your ears complaining you pat your pockets , look around and say " Wait a minute , I can't find my shiv-a-git "
I was talking to two elderly women in a hospital room . One was going on and on about the headache she had all night and the other women - 99 years old - said " Oh , in two hundred years you won't even remember you had a headache . "

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Ken Peavey
steward
Posts: 2482
Location: FL
140
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-so good, if you threw it up in the air it'll come down as sunshine.
-Useless as tits on the Pope
-Tough as a bag of hammers
-You can build a house out of these (overdone biscuits, cookies, muffins, pancakes...),
-This job will be rough...like 40 miles of bad road
-Drunker than Cooter Brown
-Nice work. It's a piece of art. You can cut your ear off now. (not everyone understands this one.)
-Good job, give each other a raise.
-Towards the end of the day when someone asks what time it is: "You know what the Rabbi said when his hand slipped...it won't be long now."
-I'm not sayin your work is sorry, but were you hired to be a decoration?
-Of course this job sucks. If it was easy they wouldn't need us. The more it sucks, the better the job security.
-Get this job done so you can pick up your paycheck before your wife does.
-Hard work? It's a whole lot harder when there's no work
-Meat tough? It's a whole lot tough when there's none

New guy says to me "what do we do if it rains?"
I say 'Same thing they do in Alabama"
new guy "What do they do in Alabama?"
me, "Let it rain"

Seed the Mind, Harvest Ideas.
http://farmwhisperer.com

 
Craig Dobbson
steward
Posts: 2719
Location: Maine (zone 5)
593
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She's looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down.

Work got you down?: "Cry all the way to the bank"

Does a bear shit in the woods?

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result”
How Permies.com Works
Be Nice

 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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A high school teacher used to say - all at once : "Is the Pope Catholic ? Does a bear shit in the woods ? Is fat meat greazy ?"
Cold Outside ? :
Its colder than brass monkey balls.
Its colder than a well diggers butt.

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
David Livingston
pollinator
Posts: 4328
Location: Anjou ,France
258
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If he is al'right then I know where there is a house full.

Worked it out yet?

What it means is
If he is sane then I know a house full of equally sane people ie the asylum

Co Durham England

David

Living in Anjou , France,
For the many not for the few
http://www.permies.com/t/80/31583/projects/Permie-Pennies-France#330873

 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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He moves like a toad in a tar bucket .

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Rick LaJambe
Posts: 58
Location: Surrey, British Columbia
3
3
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Busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.

All over the place like a dog humping a football.

 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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Grinning like a jackass eating cactus.

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Steven Carty
Posts: 3
Location: New Jersey, U.S.A.
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We have a bunch of them in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey.
One of my favorites was always "Hero behind the store" which is a person who talks more bravely than they act.
 
Leila Rich
steward
Posts: 3999
Location: Wellington, New Zealand. Temperate, coastal, sandy, windy,
115
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I've got lots of fun NZ sayings which are generally unused except in those touristy 'speak like a kiwi' type things.
Here's a few rather plain ones:
not the sharpest tool in the shed/one can short of a six-pack- not too smart-cans can be adapted to individual's perceived IQ...
all turned to custard/all gone pear-shaped- pretty self-evident!
a small windowless building -lumpen, failed baking. Usually reserved for cakes or bread.
(a version of Ken's 'build a house out of that...')
 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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Refering to a person with a lot of gumption as a " ring-tailed cooter " .

Refering to a persons IQ or sanity :
" He's one taco short of a combo platter "
" His elevator doesn't go to the top floor "

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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My Irish Grandfather called picking your nose "digging for clams "
My FrenchCanadian Grandfather called blowing your nose by pressing one nostril down , turning your head and letting loose his "French hanky"

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Craig Dobbson
steward
Posts: 2719
Location: Maine (zone 5)
593
2
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"Nothing gets past that guy more than twice"




"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result”
How Permies.com Works
Be Nice

 
Cris Bessette
gardener
Posts: 912
Location: North Georgia / Appalachian mountains , Zone 7B/8A
57
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Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Meaner than a one eyed snake.

Wish in one hand, spit (instead of "shit" as above) in the other, see which gets full faster.

He's about as sharp as a bowling ball / about as bright as a 40 watt bulb.





 
Jocelyn Campbell
steward
Posts: 6593
Location: Everett, WA (Western Washington State / Cascadia / Pacific NW)
2165
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"You lie like a dirty rug!"

"Kick the ladder down; I'm up!"

"You're (or we're) a pair to draw two!"

(I'm glad you started this one, too, Wayne. Even if Cris stole my favorite one about cats. )

QuickBooks set up and Bookkeeping for Small Businesses and Farms - jocelyncampbell.com

 
John Polk
steward
Posts: 7926
Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
350
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"He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal."

 
John Polk
steward
Posts: 7926
Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
350
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"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."

 
Craig Dobbson
steward
Posts: 2719
Location: Maine (zone 5)
593
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"He's so uptight you couldn't jack hammer a pin up his ass"

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result”
How Permies.com Works
Be Nice

 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
115
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Popcorn Fart - As in : "It's drier than a popcorn fart out there . " or "Where are the kids ? It's quieter than a popcorn fart."
Coons Age - As in "Ain't seen you in a coons age ."
And Jocelyn - "If you snooze you lose."

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Burra Maluca
out to pasture
Posts: 12484
Location: Portugal
3346
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Águas Passadas nao Movem Moinhos

which translates roughly as 'the mill will never grind with the water that has past.'

How permies.com works
What is a Mother Tree ?

 
Chris Lumpkin
Posts: 49
Location: Richmond, VA (zone 7a)
7
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~smacking hand against forehead~

I can't believe I forgot my favorite of all time!!! I am known for pulling this one out at the most unexpected times...

"That's what she said"

Which, interestingly enough, originates from a British version, "Said the actress to the bishop".

The classic example- when catching a fish, or looking at a large animal, or just about anything:
"Wow, that's a big one!"
"That's what she said!"
 
Cris Bessette
gardener
Posts: 912
Location: North Georgia / Appalachian mountains , Zone 7B/8A
57
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Chris Lumpkin wrote:~smacking hand against forehead~

I can't believe I forgot my favorite of all time!!! I am known for pulling this one out at the most unexpected times...

"That's what she said"

Which, interestingly enough, originates from a British version, "Said the actress to the bishop".

The classic example- when catching a fish, or looking at a large animal, or just about anything:
"Wow, that's a big one!"
"That's what she said!"



common around here is "that's what she said last night!" , I'm particularly fond of using it in weird situations:

"Looks like your compression ratio is off"
- "thats what she said last night!"

"You probably need to defragment that hard drive"

- "thats what she said last night!"

"These seed pods smell strange"

- "thats what she said last night!"
 
Craig Dobbson
steward
Posts: 2719
Location: Maine (zone 5)
593
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"As pointless as spit-polishing a turd"

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result”
How Permies.com Works
Be Nice

 
John Polk
steward
Posts: 7926
Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
350
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Opinions are like assholes: Everybody has one, and most of them stink.

 
allen lumley
pollinator
Posts: 4154
Location: Northern New York Zone4-5 the OUTER 'RONDACs percip 36''
67
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Words : Gooms to rhyme with tombs - I never would have opened my mouth if I knew the Dentist was gonna Cut my gooms!

Prawley,rhymes with trolley - Look at them clouds - prawley be rainin in 10 minutes !

Sludge Hammer You've got the Sludge Hammer, Hit it, it aint got no mother,it aint got no father, Hit IT !

A face that would make a train take a dirt road !
All miners/
miners kids One to use, one to lose and one to take home in your lunch pail

Success has a Thousand Fathers , Failure is an Orphan

LOOK AT THE " SIMILAR THREADS " BELOW !

 
Dale Hodgins
Posts: 9002
Location: Victoria British Columbia-Canada
707
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Give a bum some fish net stockings and somebody will buy him dinner.
 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1748
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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"Why does a dog lick his own balls ? Because he can."
As in : " Why is Uncle Bob buck naked in the pool at midnight on the seahorse floatie singing Sweet Home Alabama ?"
Answer : " Why does a dog........."

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Matu Collins
Posts: 1947
Location: Southern New England, seaside, avg yearly rainfall 41.91 in, zone 6b
81
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“Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll just get dirty and the pig might like it.” -someone's grandmother

This is applicable, in my opinion, to much of the conversation on the internet.
 
Dale Hodgins
Posts: 9002
Location: Victoria British Columbia-Canada
707
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Thumbs up to Matu for making that connection.

Here's one that I remember from the movie, The Distinguished Gentleman I'm madder than a Baptist at a brothel.
 
wayne stephen
steward
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Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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One I heard yesterday - a woman complaining about the tight quarters : " It's so crowded in here you could'nt cuss a cat without getting hair in your mouth . "

For unlimited return on all your investments - Make your deposits at 'The Entangled Bank' !

 
Sam White
Posts: 246
Location: Wales, UK
9
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"He's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle".

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in."

 
allen lumley
pollinator
Posts: 4154
Location: Northern New York Zone4-5 the OUTER 'RONDACs percip 36''
67
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Sam White : W.O.W., what a mental image ! (my wife had to explain to me about 'the bells of Caerphilly' ) and I am a fan of Pete Seegar, and the likes of 'the Birds'
and John Denver ! L.O.L. when will i get the image out of my head ?! Big AL

Success has a Thousand Fathers , Failure is an Orphan

LOOK AT THE " SIMILAR THREADS " BELOW !

 
Craig Dobbson
steward
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Location: Maine (zone 5)
593
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Good from afar, but far from good.

"Butter face": A woman with a nice figure but an ugly face. " Her facebook pic was cute but in real life she's a butter face".

That's the type of face that could make a train take a dirt road.

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result”
How Permies.com Works
Be Nice

 
Their achilles heel is the noogie! Give them noogies tiny ad!
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