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Your Favorite Colloquialisms  RSS feed

 
wayne stephen
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Posts: 1793
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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What things have you heard said that tickle your porch rocking sensibilities ?
Like , when people are asked " How are you ? " and they say :
"Fine as frogs hair "
"Rough as a cob "
"As useless as tits on a bull"
Or : "I'm as nervous as a whore in church"

Instead of "See you later " my grandfather would say "On the bye and bye " {whimsical } or "Asta la vista , salami and cheese"

One I am still ruminating on : I was in a small club in Texas and this industrial band was screeching away . The crowd was full of sweaty twentysomething dudes covered in tatoos , nipple-ear-nose-eyebrow rings and plugs. I stepped into the mens room and this old weathered rancher with western boots , bowlegs , and a face parched like a tortilla chip turns to me and says :
"You know , those boys out there act like you can get milk without eating grass "
 
Matu Collins
Posts: 1976
Location: Southern New England, seaside, avg yearly rainfall 41.91 in, zone 6b
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"You can put kittens in the oven but that don't make em biscuits"
 
Chris Lumpkin
Posts: 49
Location: Richmond, VA (zone 7a)
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Straight from the Northern Neck of Virginia...

After a good meal: "I'm as full as a tick"
Asking what time it is: "Half past a monkey's ass, and a quarter to his balls"
Saying you want or wish for something: "Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first"
 
John Polk
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Posts: 8019
Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
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An old navy Chief, commenting on a group of new recruits doing what should have been a simple job:
It's like watching 40 acres of goats fucking on a 10 acre farm.


 
John Polk
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Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
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She has more loose screws than an old Studebaker.

 
Dale Hodgins
garden master
Posts: 6690
Location: Victoria British Columbia-Canada
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John Polk
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Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
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The one that always makes me wonder is "Happy as a clam."
(How do you tell the difference between a happy or a sad clam?)



 
wayne stephen
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Posts: 1793
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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John Prine quote - " When the world was flat as a pancake , Mona Lisa was as happy as a clam ."
Dale sounds like he has supervised some work crews . How about " Moving like a herd of turtles" or " It's time to open up a can of whoop ass ! "
When someone is bending your ears complaining you pat your pockets , look around and say " Wait a minute , I can't find my shiv-a-git "
I was talking to two elderly women in a hospital room . One was going on and on about the headache she had all night and the other women - 99 years old - said " Oh , in two hundred years you won't even remember you had a headache . "
 
Ken Peavey
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Posts: 2524
Location: FL
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-so good, if you threw it up in the air it'll come down as sunshine.
-Useless as tits on the Pope
-Tough as a bag of hammers
-You can build a house out of these (overdone biscuits, cookies, muffins, pancakes...),
-This job will be rough...like 40 miles of bad road
-Drunker than Cooter Brown
-Nice work. It's a piece of art. You can cut your ear off now. (not everyone understands this one.)
-Good job, give each other a raise.
-Towards the end of the day when someone asks what time it is: "You know what the Rabbi said when his hand slipped...it won't be long now."
-I'm not sayin your work is sorry, but were you hired to be a decoration?
-Of course this job sucks. If it was easy they wouldn't need us. The more it sucks, the better the job security.
-Get this job done so you can pick up your paycheck before your wife does.
-Hard work? It's a whole lot harder when there's no work
-Meat tough? It's a whole lot tough when there's none

New guy says to me "what do we do if it rains?"
I say 'Same thing they do in Alabama"
new guy "What do they do in Alabama?"
me, "Let it rain"

 
Craig Dobbson
steward
Posts: 1834
Location: Maine (zone 5)
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She's looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down.

Work got you down?: "Cry all the way to the bank"

Does a bear shit in the woods?

 
wayne stephen
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Posts: 1793
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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A high school teacher used to say - all at once : "Is the Pope Catholic ? Does a bear shit in the woods ? Is fat meat greazy ?"
Cold Outside ? :
Its colder than brass monkey balls.
Its colder than a well diggers butt.
 
David Livingston
steward
Posts: 3478
Location: Anjou ,France
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If he is al'right then I know where there is a house full.

Worked it out yet?

What it means is
If he is sane then I know a house full of equally sane people ie the asylum

Co Durham England

David
 
wayne stephen
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Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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He moves like a toad in a tar bucket .
 
Rick LaJambe
Posts: 58
Location: Surrey, British Columbia
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Busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.

All over the place like a dog humping a football.

 
wayne stephen
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Grinning like a jackass eating cactus.
 
Steven Carty
Posts: 3
Location: New Jersey, U.S.A.
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We have a bunch of them in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey.
One of my favorites was always "Hero behind the store" which is a person who talks more bravely than they act.
 
Leila Rich
steward
Posts: 3999
Location: Wellington, New Zealand. Temperate, coastal, sandy, windy,
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I've got lots of fun NZ sayings which are generally unused except in those touristy 'speak like a kiwi' type things.
Here's a few rather plain ones:
not the sharpest tool in the shed/one can short of a six-pack- not too smart-cans can be adapted to individual's perceived IQ...
all turned to custard/all gone pear-shaped- pretty self-evident!
a small windowless building -lumpen, failed baking. Usually reserved for cakes or bread.
(a version of Ken's 'build a house out of that...')
 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1793
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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Refering to a person with a lot of gumption as a " ring-tailed cooter " .

Refering to a persons IQ or sanity :
" He's one taco short of a combo platter "
" His elevator doesn't go to the top floor "
 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1793
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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My Irish Grandfather called picking your nose "digging for clams "
My FrenchCanadian Grandfather called blowing your nose by pressing one nostril down , turning your head and letting loose his "French hanky"
 
Craig Dobbson
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Location: Maine (zone 5)
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"Nothing gets past that guy more than twice"




 
Cris Bessette
gardener
Posts: 812
Location: North Georgia / Appalachian mountains , Zone 7A
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Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Meaner than a one eyed snake.

Wish in one hand, spit (instead of "shit" as above) in the other, see which gets full faster.

He's about as sharp as a bowling ball / about as bright as a 40 watt bulb.





 
Jocelyn Campbell
master steward
Posts: 4145
Location: Missoula, MT
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"You lie like a dirty rug!"

"Kick the ladder down; I'm up!"

"You're (or we're) a pair to draw two!"

(I'm glad you started this one, too, Wayne. Even if Cris stole my favorite one about cats. )
 
John Polk
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Posts: 8019
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"He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal."

 
John Polk
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"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."

 
Craig Dobbson
steward
Posts: 1834
Location: Maine (zone 5)
206
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"He's so uptight you couldn't jack hammer a pin up his ass"
 
wayne stephen
steward
Posts: 1793
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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Popcorn Fart - As in : "It's drier than a popcorn fart out there . " or "Where are the kids ? It's quieter than a popcorn fart."
Coons Age - As in "Ain't seen you in a coons age ."
And Jocelyn - "If you snooze you lose."
 
Burra Maluca
Mother Tree
Posts: 9893
Location: Portugal
891
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Águas Passadas nao Movem Moinhos

which translates roughly as 'the mill will never grind with the water that has past.'

 
Chris Lumpkin
Posts: 49
Location: Richmond, VA (zone 7a)
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~smacking hand against forehead~

I can't believe I forgot my favorite of all time!!! I am known for pulling this one out at the most unexpected times...

"That's what she said"

Which, interestingly enough, originates from a British version, "Said the actress to the bishop".

The classic example- when catching a fish, or looking at a large animal, or just about anything:
"Wow, that's a big one!"
"That's what she said!"
 
Cris Bessette
gardener
Posts: 812
Location: North Georgia / Appalachian mountains , Zone 7A
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Chris Lumpkin wrote:~smacking hand against forehead~

I can't believe I forgot my favorite of all time!!! I am known for pulling this one out at the most unexpected times...

"That's what she said"

Which, interestingly enough, originates from a British version, "Said the actress to the bishop".

The classic example- when catching a fish, or looking at a large animal, or just about anything:
"Wow, that's a big one!"
"That's what she said!"


common around here is "that's what she said last night!" , I'm particularly fond of using it in weird situations:

"Looks like your compression ratio is off"
- "thats what she said last night!"

"You probably need to defragment that hard drive"

- "thats what she said last night!"

"These seed pods smell strange"

- "thats what she said last night!"
 
Craig Dobbson
steward
Posts: 1834
Location: Maine (zone 5)
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"As pointless as spit-polishing a turd"
 
John Polk
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Posts: 8019
Location: Currently in Lake Stevens, WA. Home in Spokane
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Opinions are like assholes: Everybody has one, and most of them stink.

 
allen lumley
pollinator
Posts: 4154
Location: Northern New York Zone4-5 the OUTER 'RONDACs percip 36''
58
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Words : Gooms to rhyme with tombs - I never would have opened my mouth if I knew the Dentist was gonna Cut my gooms!

Prawley,rhymes with trolley - Look at them clouds - prawley be rainin in 10 minutes !

Sludge Hammer You've got the Sludge Hammer, Hit it, it aint got no mother,it aint got no father, Hit IT !

A face that would make a train take a dirt road !
All miners/
miners kids One to use, one to lose and one to take home in your lunch pail
 
wayne stephen
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Posts: 1793
Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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"Why does a dog lick his own balls ? Because he can."
As in : " Why is Uncle Bob buck naked in the pool at midnight on the seahorse floatie singing Sweet Home Alabama ?"
Answer : " Why does a dog........."
 
Matu Collins
Posts: 1976
Location: Southern New England, seaside, avg yearly rainfall 41.91 in, zone 6b
69
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“Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll just get dirty and the pig might like it.” -someone's grandmother

This is applicable, in my opinion, to much of the conversation on the internet.
 
Dale Hodgins
garden master
Posts: 6690
Location: Victoria British Columbia-Canada
252
 
wayne stephen
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Location: Western Kentucky-Climate Unpredictable Zone 6b
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One I heard yesterday - a woman complaining about the tight quarters : " It's so crowded in here you could'nt cuss a cat without getting hair in your mouth . "
 
Sam White
Posts: 226
Location: Caerphilly, Wales, UK
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"He's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle".
 
allen lumley
pollinator
Posts: 4154
Location: Northern New York Zone4-5 the OUTER 'RONDACs percip 36''
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Sam White : W.O.W., what a mental image ! (my wife had to explain to me about 'the bells of Caerphilly' ) and I am a fan of Pete Seegar, and the likes of 'the Birds'
and John Denver ! L.O.L. when will i get the image out of my head ?! Big AL
 
Craig Dobbson
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Location: Maine (zone 5)
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Good from afar, but far from good.

"Butter face": A woman with a nice figure but an ugly face. " Her facebook pic was cute but in real life she's a butter face".

That's the type of face that could make a train take a dirt road.

 
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