Jaimie Mantzel wrote:I've been off grid for... like 20 years...? Something like that. At first I had a girlfriend. Things were difficult and slow. Too much time was wasted on arguing, and endlessly explaining why we have to do this or that before the winter comes so we don't freeze.
Then I was single, and holey banana's, things progressed amazingly well. I was a little lonely when the sun went down sometimes, but in daylight, I was making things, and moving things, and being a man, and escaping death, and cooking on an open fire like a savage, and I built an amazing place with an amazing workshop, and, it was awesome. Solitary, but awesome.
Then I met a girl. She wanted to live in my place because I had a huge house, and I didn't charge her rent. She wasn't in the way too much, and it was nice having someone around. She got comfortable. ....really comfortable. I moved, she came, lots of life happened. I carried her for years, and it got gradually harder and harder.
Just recently, skipping loads of details, I stopped taking care of her. She's on her own, and so am I.
It is incredible. I didn't realize how much work I was putting into just keeping her from destroying everything until it was gone. I estimate 2/3 of my time and energy was going to stopping her from breaking things, or fixing things she's broken, or convincing her to not screw something up, or just arguing about nothing because she sat on her butt all day thinking about things to argue about. The relief is profound. I've been able to sleep soundly again, and I can make progress on huge goals without constant back steps. I feel like I weigh half what I did before, and I'm twice as strong, and can think more clearly. Everything has been better since.
..and now my dilemma. Not just my dilemma. The dilemma of a lot of people. I don't want to be alone. I do, however, want to be this amazing guy who feels good about himself, and what he's doing. ...which I currently do. I want to meet a beautiful, considerate, hard working, caring, basically amazing woman who will add value to my life.... to our life... who I can take care of, and make smile, and pour passion into her heart, and we can motivate each other ...but it's a rare thing to find. ...and I might have to go through 100 black holes of darkness and despair before I find one who meshes with me. So... what to do. If there was a guarantee that I'd one day meet that special lady, it would be an easy choice. ....but the idea of going through disappointment after disappointment endlessly is... pretty depressing.
The last few women I met... so not even close. So, for now, I will build my boat, and erect my bridge, and plant my sweet potatoes, and smile that I have things I can do that make me feel like i matter a little bit.
Thomas Marlow wrote: I have accepted I may be alone, here on the homestead, for the rest of my life. The land IS my partner. I have committed myself to the land and will never leave it. If you can get to that place of "unattached" on the partner idea within yourself and put the land first, you will find that there is a great community in the land and that it's ultimate gift is Peace.