Anyone Homestead by themselves, or have a spouse/partner who doesnt help out on the land??

Hello! Michelle! I feel for you! It’s challenging to find a great man , in this crazy world! I applaud you for your courage! I’m looking for my special woman! Looking Forward to keep in touch! Michelle! Take care! Gilles!

I just got out of a 21 long marriage. I am 39 now, have no children. The first thing I did was to buy a homestead. I will never ever live with a man again, any man in my future has to have his own place if he wants to be with me. I will always from now on, own my own place, live alone, have my own money and car.
Yes, my last man was not a kind one, and I will probaly always on guard for the rest of my life around men.

So Im doing this alone, and asking for help or pay for it when I need it.

One-woman homestead

It is really hard when you get out of a long-term relationship, and really are forced to take stock of where your life has been, and where it is going. Or, I suppose; the flip side of that where a person is in a committed relationship and realize they are homesteading alone primarily, or with limited help at best. For me it was a little different as she worked just as hard right along beside me, and then,,, just left.

No matter what the situation is though; a lot of hopes and dreams have died...

That hurts.

Which one is worse? I am not sure. Its a lonely feeling to flop over in bed and realize you have been abandoned, but so too is trying to sleep when the person beside you is snoring and keeping you up and is NOT going to help you put in that hugel in the morning. That is a deep frustration on another level. Either way, my heart breaks for all.

In Permaculture, "the problem is the solution", so is refraining from love ever again the best way to solve the problem? I'm finding it hard to love again, because that would mean I could be hurt again too, but oh how nice it is to have another person help you swap vehicles at the mechanic shop, go out on a nice dinner date together, or take care of at least a few tasks so you at least don't have to do ALL of them around the homestead. I can do so much alone; I have proved that, but the only thing it proved to me in the end was; I don't want too!

In the end it is really all about accepting change, and it takes going through the grieving process no matter if it is the death of a loved one, a divorce, disease, or even coming to terms that your spouse is not going to help you around the homestead. The same five principals of grieving apply. Like for me, I went through all of them in realizing that I was going to be different if I ever outlived my three bouts with cancer. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance... I really did go through all of them.

Thankfully feelings change. Circumstances change, and life marches on. As I near 50 years old, my dreams are just different now. I have had so much, from trips to countries around the world, to having a full-time farm, to having two beautiful daughters, now... as the song says, I just want my days to move easy.

That escapes me, and that hurts.

Hi, hope you are all doing well? I am looking for a woman for a respectful equal loving relationship living off grid.

Reading through this thread has lead to be believe there are some really awesome women out there.
   I am fully off grid, currently building my cabin by hand from felling trees to using an Alaskan Chainsaw Mill to create the dimensional lumber. Soon will be switching gears to begin producing earthen bricks (non-fired) for building purposes.
   In between primary tasks I grow a plethora of veggies and fruit. The current cabin has full electricity and plumbing (off grid) and all the modern conveniences a modern grid tied household enjoys.
    I went off grid two years ago because I have grown tired of the modern society rat race and paying to live. I am a children's author and also produce handmade all natural canoes. Also, I am a screenplay writer of feature films and tv.
      I have a wife, well at the moment, anyways, but soon that will be changing and by June of this year I will be alone. I have been mentally battered and abused by this high maintenance person and daily I am told I am lazy, never finish anything I start even though there is a roof over our heads, a dry bed, an abundance of food, clothes on our backs, a brand new truck for transportation, and me hacking out our home from the wilderness with my own two hands from beautiful maples, red oak and pine.
     In the coming years I will have a fruit and nut orchard, expanded veggie and berry gardens, honey and meade production. Any and all medicinal tinctures come from the land too. Anyways, it should would be great to have someone around who is supportive, caring, equal, and excited about permaculture as much as I am.
     I should mention everything that I couldn't make from the earth and forest had to be carried in by me as I deliberately did not want a road leading to the cabin.
     I feel accomplished and believe I have done a lot in the first two years on the land though I am told otherwise and all of it debt free. Talk about being under appreciated, I can relate 100%.

ah!  I am a women, currently single, homesteading with a partial set up in the rough high desert planes.  I am oh-so grateful to be out on this sacred land, in nature, re-wilding myself and communing with the elements, but it's hard as sh** doing it without a partner.  I've dated a couple of people since I've been out here... it seems like it only makes sense to live this life with a collaborating partner at least/at first, then community over time.  I've learned to accept phases of overwhelm and wear down, forcing me to let go and be flexible with what/how much I can do and trust the timing, be grateful to be alive and in nature.  I would not trade my current home life for back-to-the-city, but it is rough.  Thanks for the conversation....

Fourth year on the property, third alone. Central BC (that's North for anyone who hasn't gone further than Kelowna).

Fifty animals, 7,000 sq ft garden, greenhouse... a bit too much. So, I'm focusing on just pigs for now, as (with the superinflation) the meat might be the way to go.

If some Canadian who doesn't mind a meat harvesting farm wanted to develop the green side of it, I'm all one ear.

I've been off grid for... like 20 years...?  Something like that.  At first I had a girlfriend.  Things were difficult and slow.  Too much time was wasted on arguing, and endlessly explaining why we have to do this or that before the winter comes so we don't freeze.
Then I was single, and holey banana's, things progressed amazingly well.  I was a little lonely when the sun went down sometimes, but in daylight, I was making things, and moving things, and being a man, and escaping death, and cooking on an open fire like a savage, and I built an amazing place with an amazing workshop, and, it was awesome.  Solitary, but awesome.
Then I met a girl.  She wanted to live in my place because I had a huge house, and I didn't charge her rent.  She wasn't in the way too much, and it was nice having someone around.  She got comfortable.  ....really comfortable.  I moved, she came, lots of life happened.  I carried her for years, and it got gradually harder and harder.
Just recently, skipping loads of details, I stopped taking care of her.  She's on her own, and so am I.

It is incredible.  I didn't realize how much work I was putting into just keeping her from destroying everything until it was gone.  I estimate 2/3 of my time and energy was going to stopping her from breaking things, or fixing things she's broken, or convincing her to not screw something up, or just arguing about nothing because she sat on her butt all day thinking about things to argue about.  The relief is profound.  I've been able to sleep soundly again, and I can make progress on huge goals without constant back steps.  I feel like I weigh half what I did before, and I'm twice as strong, and can think more clearly.  Everything has been better since.

..and now my dilemma.  Not just my dilemma.  The dilemma of a lot of people.  I don't want to be alone.  I do, however, want to be this amazing guy who feels good about himself, and what he's doing.  ...which I currently do.  I want to meet a beautiful, considerate, hard working, caring, basically amazing woman who will add value to my life.... to our life... who I can take care of, and make smile, and pour passion into her heart, and we can motivate each other  ...but it's a rare thing to find.  ...and I might have to go through 100 black holes of darkness and despair before I find one who meshes with me.  So... what to do.  If there was a guarantee that I'd one day meet that special lady, it would be an easy choice.  ....but the idea of going through disappointment after disappointment endlessly is... pretty depressing.

The last few women I met... so not even close.  So, for now, I will build my boat, and erect my bridge, and plant my sweet potatoes, and smile that I have things I can do that make me feel like i matter a little bit.

We are starting our own Homestead… we have chickens on the way and I’ve started a garden. We live in the county but in an older neighborhood. I’ve wanted to move further out and buy a big piece of land… My husband is completely against it because we’ve put a lot of money into our small house and this is “our house”. He is also a commercial banker that works in real estate and he keeps telling me how expensive land is… So he poo-poos the whole idea. He already said he does not want to kill the chickens eventually which I said I would be OK with. We are raising egg birds and also meat birds. But I really want some cattle – I’ve always wanted cattle! I can’t do it without him and so in my heart I feel like he’s holding me back from doing what I want. I think his deal is – he has it in his head that his career is his focus & that can never change.😩 And in my head I’m like we don’t have to work corporate jobs… Years and years ago people did not work corporate jobs they worked off the land.

Jaimie Mantzel wrote:I've been off grid for... like 20 years...?  Something like that.  At first I had a girlfriend.  Things were difficult and slow.  Too much time was wasted on arguing, and endlessly explaining why we have to do this or that before the winter comes so we don't freeze.
Then I was single, and holey banana's, things progressed amazingly well.  I was a little lonely when the sun went down sometimes, but in daylight, I was making things, and moving things, and being a man, and escaping death, and cooking on an open fire like a savage, and I built an amazing place with an amazing workshop, and, it was awesome.  Solitary, but awesome.
Then I met a girl.  She wanted to live in my place because I had a huge house, and I didn't charge her rent.  She wasn't in the way too much, and it was nice having someone around.  She got comfortable.  ....really comfortable.  I moved, she came, lots of life happened.  I carried her for years, and it got gradually harder and harder.
Just recently, skipping loads of details, I stopped taking care of her.  She's on her own, and so am I.

It is incredible.  I didn't realize how much work I was putting into just keeping her from destroying everything until it was gone.  I estimate 2/3 of my time and energy was going to stopping her from breaking things, or fixing things she's broken, or convincing her to not screw something up, or just arguing about nothing because she sat on her butt all day thinking about things to argue about.  The relief is profound.  I've been able to sleep soundly again, and I can make progress on huge goals without constant back steps.  I feel like I weigh half what I did before, and I'm twice as strong, and can think more clearly.  Everything has been better since.

..and now my dilemma.  Not just my dilemma.  The dilemma of a lot of people.  I don't want to be alone.  I do, however, want to be this amazing guy who feels good about himself, and what he's doing.  ...which I currently do.  I want to meet a beautiful, considerate, hard working, caring, basically amazing woman who will add value to my life.... to our life... who I can take care of, and make smile, and pour passion into her heart, and we can motivate each other  ...but it's a rare thing to find.  ...and I might have to go through 100 black holes of darkness and despair before I find one who meshes with me.  So... what to do.  If there was a guarantee that I'd one day meet that special lady, it would be an easy choice.  ....but the idea of going through disappointment after disappointment endlessly is... pretty depressing.

The last few women I met... so not even close.  So, for now, I will build my boat, and erect my bridge, and plant my sweet potatoes, and smile that I have things I can do that make me feel like i matter a little bit.

See! You get it!! Why doesn’t my husband? 😩
My thing is, if you/we were with the right person… You should be able to bring up what you want and it would be like… OK cool let’s go do that… Instead of fighting resistance. The church I go to is relatively new and it’s built around a bunch of farms… And on the way there I see a bunch of cows and I’m like… I could totally do that. Every time I go to the county fair, the cows are the first place I stop. Then the poultry barn. Farming is in my blood. My great grandparents owned a farm and of course they’ve both passed away but my great aunt lives there right now and she’s getting old and I’m trying to see if it can be handed down to me. I honestly don’t think that my husband would come though because it’s across the country.

Your post is very helpful.
I have experienced the same situation whereby not everyone is willing to help on the land, or even show enthusiasm towards this kind of lifestyle. I was previously living a thin line between a more mainstream life, and semi off-grid. I came to the realisation that if I wanted to move further towards a fully off-grid lifestyle, I would either have to do it on my own, or find new friends. This is my current situation!

I am actually quite excited at the prospect of a totally new lifestyle, and the thought of it is already starting to bring a wellbeing and emotions that are quite special (almost spiritual) to my soul, that I now realise were previously missing.

I am a 58 year old causation male in excellent physical condition. I have a small cattle farm in south alabama looking for a partner between 35 and 55 who is not afraid of work but when the work is done likes to play just as hard as the work. I am a decent looking guy that most women would be proud to introduce to their family and I'm expecting/hoping for the same in a partner. My email Marlercharles09@gmail.com

Thomas Marlow wrote: I have accepted I may be alone, here on the homestead, for the rest of my life. The land IS my partner. I have committed myself to the land and will never leave it. If you can get to that place of "unattached" on the partner idea within yourself and put the land first, you will find that there is a great community in the land and that it's ultimate gift is Peace.

This! You have expressed how I have come to feel.

In my case, I would love for my partner to chip in and be the best friend she once was. Trauma’s, health and fear has overcome her to the point she is a kitchen, baker, and TV only person. I don’t fault her and I will take good care of her for the rest of her life. We share a home and she is getting better at allowing me to make her laugh on occasion.
My point is not my own woes as it sounds, but rather what I think I hear from the original poser and many others.
Being in the woods or on a farm or anyplace else close to the land is based on accomplishment, the joy of work and creativity.
To be busy all of the time and not have your (or any) friend to share a vision with is bit lonely on some level.  Heck, there were times used to move all the patio furniture into a living room next to where I work so we could at least gossip. I do not even hope for a hand to hold the end of a tape measure.
I love my world and I will continue to improve it until the day I die. She may not be a hands on partner, but she can benefit from my efforts while I take silent pride in knowing how well she has it around here.
Back to the original premise… I think there are some who are happily partnered but still finding something is missing.
I did see a lot of pollinator tags…. I so want to raise bees for soo long. Currently building a second house that will be off the hook I think.

I just continue to work