Hello! Michelle! I feel for you! It’s challenging to find a great man , in this crazy world! I applaud you for your courage! I’m looking for my special woman! Looking Forward to keep in touch! Michelle! Take care! Gilles!
I just got out of a 21 long marriage. I am 39 now, have no children. The first thing I did was to buy a homestead. I will never ever live with a man again, any man in my future has to have his own place if he wants to be with me. I will always from now on, own my own place, live alone, have my own money and car.
Yes, my last man was not a kind one, and I will probaly always on guard for the rest of my life around men.
So Im doing this alone, and asking for help or pay for it when I need it.
It is really hard when you get out of a long-term relationship, and really are forced to take stock of where your life has been, and where it is going. Or, I suppose; the flip side of that where a person is in a committed relationship and realize they are homesteading alone primarily, or with limited help at best. For me it was a little different as she worked just as hard right along beside me, and then,,, just left.
No matter what the situation is though; a lot of hopes and dreams have died...
Which one is worse? I am not sure. Its a lonely feeling to flop over in bed and realize you have been abandoned, but so too is trying to sleep when the person beside you is snoring and keeping you up and is NOT going to help you put in that hugel in the morning. That is a deep frustration on another level. Either way, my heart breaks for all.
In Permaculture, "the problem is the solution", so is refraining from love ever again the best way to solve the problem? I'm finding it hard to love again, because that would mean I could be hurt again too, but oh how nice it is to have another person help you swap vehicles at the mechanic shop, go out on a nice dinner date together, or take care of at least a few tasks so you at least don't have to do ALL of them around the homestead. I can do so much alone; I have proved that, but the only thing it proved to me in the end was; I don't want too!
In the end it is really all about accepting change, and it takes going through the grieving process no matter if it is the death of a loved one, a divorce, disease, or even coming to terms that your spouse is not going to help you around the homestead. The same five principals of grieving apply. Like for me, I went through all of them in realizing that I was going to be different if I ever outlived my three bouts with cancer. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance... I really did go through all of them.
Thankfully feelings change. Circumstances change, and life marches on. As I near 50 years old, my dreams are just different now. I have had so much, from trips to countries around the world, to having a full-time farm, to having two beautiful daughters, now... as the song says, I just want my days to move easy.