This is such a great question and I spent the good part of the last twenty years figuring out my
answer. Turns out it came down to privacy, autonomy, dogs and nudity for me.
Back in rural Oregon, originally, I was very curious about and interested in community living even though I also loved having my own
land. Then an
intentional community moved in right next to me. The people who run it are still dear friends. We adore them, have met so many wonderful people in the process of knowing them, and I value their community mission - I even fully aligned with it. But in the process of living next door to an intentional community, I learned that I have an extremely high need for privacy, like having my own animals and being the sole one who chooses their method of care, I want to be in charge of all
gardening decisions, I don't like to have to wear clothes all the time, and I absolutely hate to be surprised.
Those needs of mine finally made me recognize that what I want out of community living is the perceived unity of purpose, but I wouldn't be able to handle all the interaction, give up control, work together with anyone other than my husband (and that's hard
enough sometimes), and I NEED privacy.
Now my husband and I live in this unusual rural area in the SE Arizona. It's about 2.5-3 hours in any direction from the nearest cities. This distance and isolation has had an interesting effect. Over the years, this town has spontaneously organized it's own support system and entertainment.
The town (under 500 people spread over about a 30 mile diameter) has two email groups for informing people of community events, another email group for sharing and bartering goods and services, a
volunteer fire department, a post office and internet available. People start all sorts of groups here from clubs (hiking, tennis, writing, gardening, crafting clubs) to talent shows and dances, to the volunteer fire department. Decent small bands come out and play regularly. Someone started an Azure Standard drop out here years ago (which was so great - saved me from doing it myself). And people get together in all sorts of friend groups. If we wanted to hang out with friends every week, we could easily do that (but nooooooo)... many people here have bigger social lives than I would ever have imagined. This is all an effect of the isolation that was once much more so here (both pre-internet, plus cell service only came here about 7 years ago. Internet was first.).
So I ended up finding a community in a non-intentional community. It's not a
permaculture community, but I have some
permaculture friends out here and we are each working on our own projects while cheering each other on and sometimes helping one another. We also have five sets of friends here who are building (or finished building) their homes. We've helped on some of their builds, they've helped on ours. We've helped with off-grid builds, a modified earthship, putting up a yurt, and others have helped with our alternative build-in-progress, too.
I know this is special. I know this doesn't exist everywhere - it certainly didn't back in my home community in rural Oregon. I do wonder if there is a renaissance going on country wide, though, as least among the work-from-home set. I still subscribe to Communities
Magazine and look forward to reading the articles out loud to my husband each time it arrives. And I hope more people who are right for community will continue to build and design intentional communities with shared purposes, love and support, awesomely clear governance setups, building wonderful things together. It turned out it's not for me in the intentional community sense, but it works in the un-intentional one.